Average age of parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This question strikes a nerve because, in general, upper middle class Ivy/elite college graduates on the coasts take strikingly different life paths than everyone else. And it is obvious at the expensive private schools in DC how much older the parents are. 25 years after graduation, there were only 10 classmates with kids at my alma mater. We didn't have DC until we were in our mid-30s and I often think everyone looks like a teen parent when we fly through Charlotte/Atlanta/Dallas.

We're older because we went to a selective college and, contrary to Princeton Mom's advice, we went on to grad school to have careers. Unlike earlier generations, we found partners with similar education and professional ambitions. It took us a few years to get our established professionally and we didn't make partner at our law/consulting firms for at least 5-6 years. How in the world could anyone think about having a kid when you're both billing 4000 hours/year? I think it is probably even more impossible to have kids in your 20s for those who took the med school or academic routes.

Besides having much more professional security, a nicer house, and money, I was a lot better parent at 40 than I could have been in at 30. It's a lot easier insisting on the flexibility I need to be there for DC by waiting until I became the boss at work.

And, I am a little judgmental because my DC is a girl and I don't want her ambitions to take a back seat to any man. I want her to spend her 20s seeing how far her ambition might take her, not taking time off.

All you old educated moms planting your child's every move. So what age will your daughter be allowed to make her own decisions? Maybe she won't want to go to college. But go ahead, get all feminist on her and make sure she waits until at least 40 to meet someone. Sounds like a great plan.

[Anonymous]

Ha! I'm in the throws of my mid-30s crisis - two young kids, a husband who works a lot, and a full-time job with no regular help. I sometimes ask myself - why didn't we wait to have kids until my husband made partner? Or at least until i felt "ready" to take time off or had the savings to continue to afford child care on top of tuition, like many of the moms at my kid's private school (we are definitely the "younger" parents). But, it is what it is. We are making it work for us and I think it's valuable for our daughters to see that there are trade offs to everything in life and you have to work hard no matter what. Us being younger has never had any effect on our friendships with other parents. The only difference is that we have less money and a smaller house.

[Anonymous]

For the professional middle class, having a kid in your 20s is as hard an obstacle as it is for a teen mom to get out of poverty.

You're right that you don't need to go to a selective private school, an Ivy, and graduate school or wait until your 30s to have kids in order to have a great life.
By the time DC grows up, I hope it becomes easier to balance work and family and I wish that career paths are less lockstep. There's are certainly lots of academics, doctors, lawyers, management consultants, and finance people who would love to do something else. Congratulations to everyone who has found an alternative path.

But if you have a kid in your 20s, the odds are against you. It is very, very hard to start a family early in the usual upper middle class professions and you're likely to be pretty far off the typical career path. Tenure is really hard if you can't move because of a spouse and kids and spend the time needed to research and carry a teaching load. Residency schedules are designed to discourage life outside the hospital. Junior attorneys who can't work around the clock don't cut it at law firms. Consultants are lucky if they only need to travel 4 days/week. And in DC, all the K Streeters have to pay their dues/not get paid on the Hill first.

I would agree with anyone who says it shouldn't be this way, but that doesn't change the landscape.

[Anonymous]

When my oldest graduates from high school, I will be 45 years old (not terribly old). When my youngest graduates from high school, I will be 53 years old (getting there).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
All you old educated moms planting your child's every move. So what age will your daughter be allowed to make her own decisions? Maybe she won't want to go to college. But go ahead, get all feminist on her and make sure she waits until at least 40 to meet someone. Sounds like a great plan.

Ooooookay. Random, much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the professional middle class, having a kid in your 20s is as hard an obstacle as it is for a teen mom to get out of poverty.

You're right that you don't need to go to a selective private school, an Ivy, and graduate school or wait until your 30s to have kids in order to have a great life.
By the time DC grows up, I hope it becomes easier to balance work and family and I wish that career paths are less lockstep. There's are certainly lots of academics, doctors, lawyers, management consultants, and finance people who would love to do something else. Congratulations to everyone who has found an alternative path.

But if you have a kid in your 20s, the odds are against you. It is very, very hard to start a family early in the usual upper middle class professions and you're likely to be pretty far off the typical career path. Tenure is really hard if you can't move because of a spouse and kids and spend the time needed to research and carry a teaching load. Residency schedules are designed to discourage life outside the hospital. Junior attorneys who can't work around the clock don't cut it at law firms. Consultants are lucky if they only need to travel 4 days/week. And in DC, all the K Streeters have to pay their dues/not get paid on the Hill first.

I would agree with anyone who says it shouldn't be this way, but that doesn't change the landscape.

The same as a teenager mom? Are you kidding me. You are supposed to have kids in your 20's. You wait until you are in your 30/40's and your chances of infertility, Down's syndrome, miscarriages, stillborns, c-sections and other risks double to quadruple. It is not the norm in any part of the world but a few selected areas in the US. I don't think waiting makes any difference. Too much risk and too much financial issues when you should be retiring. I much rather have a family first and work straight thru to retirement with my kids all having complete college. I hope I am a grandparent before I retire too. I guess I am low-class

Also go to any fertility clinic and ask all those want-to-be moms who can't conceive and have such a small window, if they are glad they waited. I know families that spent upwards of 50K to have a kid with no luck. That is a gamble I wasn't going to back burner for a career. Family is much more important to me. I guess we value different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the professional middle class, having a kid in your 20s is as hard an obstacle as it is for a teen mom to get out of poverty.

You're right that you don't need to go to a selective private school, an Ivy, and graduate school or wait until your 30s to have kids in order to have a great life.
By the time DC grows up, I hope it becomes easier to balance work and family and I wish that career paths are less lockstep. There's are certainly lots of academics, doctors, lawyers, management consultants, and finance people who would love to do something else. Congratulations to everyone who has found an alternative path.

But if you have a kid in your 20s, the odds are against you. It is very, very hard to start a family early in the usual upper middle class professions and you're likely to be pretty far off the typical career path. Tenure is really hard if you can't move because of a spouse and kids and spend the time needed to research and carry a teaching load. Residency schedules are designed to discourage life outside the hospital. Junior attorneys who can't work around the clock don't cut it at law firms. Consultants are lucky if they only need to travel 4 days/week. And in DC, all the K Streeters have to pay their dues/not get paid on the Hill first.

I would agree with anyone who says it shouldn't be this way, but that doesn't change the landscape.

The same as a teenager mom? Are you kidding me. You are supposed to have kids in your 20's. You wait until you are in your 30/40's and your chances of infertility, Down's syndrome, miscarriages, stillborns, c-sections and other risks double to quadruple. It is not the norm in any part of the world but a few selected areas in the US. I don't think waiting makes any difference. Too much risk and too much financial issues when you should be retiring. I much rather have a family first and work straight thru to retirement with my kids all having complete college. I hope I am a grandparent before I retire too. I guess I am low-class

Also go to any fertility clinic and ask all those want-to-be moms who can't conceive and have such a small window, if they are glad they waited. I know families that spent upwards of 50K to have a kid with no luck. That is a gamble I wasn't going to back burner for a career. Family is much more important to me. I guess we value different things.

Some women prefer to wait for the right man. But to hell with that. Let any man that comes along give you babies in your 20s just so you can say you had kids in your 20s and be a young grandparent. Good enough for you, PP?

[Anonymous]

Please, please let's not do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the professional middle class, having a kid in your 20s is as hard an obstacle as it is for a teen mom to get out of poverty.

You're right that you don't need to go to a selective private school, an Ivy, and graduate school or wait until your 30s to have kids in order to have a great life.
By the time DC grows up, I hope it becomes easier to balance work and family and I wish that career paths are less lockstep. There's are certainly lots of academics, doctors, lawyers, management consultants, and finance people who would love to do something else. Congratulations to everyone who has found an alternative path.

But if you have a kid in your 20s, the odds are against you. It is very, very hard to start a family early in the usual upper middle class professions and you're likely to be pretty far off the typical career path. Tenure is really hard if you can't move because of a spouse and kids and spend the time needed to research and carry a teaching load. Residency schedules are designed to discourage life outside the hospital. Junior attorneys who can't work around the clock don't cut it at law firms. Consultants are lucky if they only need to travel 4 days/week. And in DC, all the K Streeters have to pay their dues/not get paid on the Hill first.

I would agree with anyone who says it shouldn't be this way, but that doesn't change the landscape.

The same as a teenager mom? Are you kidding me. You are supposed to have kids in your 20's. You wait until you are in your 30/40's and your chances of infertility, Down's syndrome, miscarriages, stillborns, c-sections and other risks double to quadruple. It is not the norm in any part of the world but a few selected areas in the US. I don't think waiting makes any difference. Too much risk and too much financial issues when you should be retiring. I much rather have a family first and work straight thru to retirement with my kids all having complete college. I hope I am a grandparent before I retire too. I guess I am low-class

Also go to any fertility clinic and ask all those want-to-be moms who can't conceive and have such a small window, if they are glad they waited. I know families that spent upwards of 50K to have a kid with no luck. That is a gamble I wasn't going to back burner for a career. Family is much more important to me. I guess we value different things.

Some women prefer to wait for the right man. But to hell with that. Let any man that comes along give you babies in your 20s just so you can say you had kids in your 20s and be a young grandparent. Good enough for you, PP?

So not only did anyone that have a baby under the age of 30 resemble a teenage mom. They also rushed and didn't find the right man? Okay then...,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the professional middle class, having a kid in your 20s is as hard an obstacle as it is for a teen mom to get out of poverty.

You're right that you don't need to go to a selective private school, an Ivy, and graduate school or wait until your 30s to have kids in order to have a great life.
By the time DC grows up, I hope it becomes easier to balance work and family and I wish that career paths are less lockstep. There's are certainly lots of academics, doctors, lawyers, management consultants, and finance people who would love to do something else. Congratulations to everyone who has found an alternative path.

But if you have a kid in your 20s, the odds are against you. It is very, very hard to start a family early in the usual upper middle class professions and you're likely to be pretty far off the typical career path. Tenure is really hard if you can't move because of a spouse and kids and spend the time needed to research and carry a teaching load. Residency schedules are designed to discourage life outside the hospital. Junior attorneys who can't work around the clock don't cut it at law firms. Consultants are lucky if they only need to travel 4 days/week. And in DC, all the K Streeters have to pay their dues/not get paid on the Hill first.

I would agree with anyone who says it shouldn't be this way, but that doesn't change the landscape.

The same as a teenager mom? Are you kidding me. You are supposed to have kids in your 20's. You wait until you are in your 30/40's and your chances of infertility, Down's syndrome, miscarriages, stillborns, c-sections and other risks double to quadruple. It is not the norm in any part of the world but a few selected areas in the US. I don't think waiting makes any difference. Too much risk and too much financial issues when you should be retiring. I much rather have a family first and work straight thru to retirement with my kids all having complete college. I hope I am a grandparent before I retire too. I guess I am low-class

Also go to any fertility clinic and ask all those want-to-be moms who can't conceive and have such a small window, if they are glad they waited. I know families that spent upwards of 50K to have a kid with no luck. That is a gamble I wasn't going to back burner for a career. Family is much more important to me. I guess we value different things.

Some women prefer to wait for the right man. But to hell with that. Let any man that comes along give you babies in your 20s just so you can say you had kids in your 20s and be a young grandparent. Good enough for you, PP?

So not only did anyone that have a baby under the age of 30 resemble a teenage mom. They also rushed and didn't find the right man? Okay then...,

I think what pp is saying is that if we didn't meet the right person in our 20s we're not going to just have kids with whomever is handy. If you met mr. Right in your early 20s good for you. But for some of us it didn't work out that way. I would've loved to have kids a few years earlier but if I had had them with who I was dating at 25 I'd be divorced now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I think what pp is saying is that if we didn't meet the right person in our 20s we're not going to just have kids with whomever is handy. If you met mr. Right in your early 20s good for you. But for some of us it didn't work out that way. I would've loved to have kids a few years earlier but if I had had them with who I was dating at 25 I'd be divorced now.

Exactly. If you wanted to have kids early, and you met someone you wanted to have kids with early, then yay for you. Appreciate your good fortune. It doesn't work out that way for everybody and it's rather cruel to taunt those facing the heartbreak of infertility with "well, you should have just had kids earlier!"