Does it bother you to see families super underdressed at church?

[Anonymous]

EVERYONE on here would agree -- if we're all being honest -- that it's really lovely to see a well-groomed and well-dressed (and well behaved) random family on a Sunday morning or Sunday afternoon. Why? Why does it make us instinctively smile and give us some sort of dopamine rush to see such effort and appearance in another family?

If that's a perfectly normal reaction to seeing a well-groomed family, then to the contrary can also stoke legitimate feelings of being bothered. It is perfectly natural and reasonable to want to see people put some effort into their appearance in your church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you won’t put a bit of effort into your appearance for God, it speaks volumes.

God doesn't just see you at church. I'll take a family who shows up consistently, who volunteers, who gives a weekly donation, but who wears casual clothes over a family who is just there to be seen in their Sunday best.

Somehow, I doubt that the family who comes in casual clothes, gives a weekly donation and shows up consistently, also volunteers.

Are you being sarcastic? Those are exactly the people who show up.

At our church the most generous volunteers are often retirees and they are always extremely put together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care one bit. No one needs to be dressed up to attend church.

Why did everyone dress up for church in the 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s? You don't think that looked much nicer? You don't admire a random good looking family wearing their Sunday best if you see one on a Sunday afternoon? Come on, we all do.

This erosion of effort and appearance and coming to church in casual clothes seems to be a relatively new phenomenon.

I can say this, my current church has a much higher attendance of teens since they can dress comfortably. Just because things were done in the past doesn’t make a change bad. There will always be those who dress up. Mind your own business.

Back in the 90s my parents used to fight my brother every weekend to get him dressed for church. It made everything super stressful and definitely didn't turn my brother into a church goer.

I'd bet anything the children who are allowed to come to church like slobs are exponentially more likely to cease church attendance when they can (age 18, college, moving out of the house). If their parents never took the church seriously, why would they? It doesn't take money to be tidy, shave, brush hair, put on a collared shirt, tuck your shirt in, and iron your slacks.

Interesting perspective -- that there is some correlation between dress and "taking the church seriously." Completely inaccurate in my experience.

We have a terrible time getting people to do the work that needs to be done to keep our church up and running. The grounds don't maintain themselves, the flowers don't magically appear on the altar, people need to actually prepare and serve the monthly shelter meal our church is responsible for and that our priest references all the time as something that our church does in the community. And you know who is not signing up to do these things? Those dressed-up families. They show up, take advantage of the Sunday School they don't volunteer to help with, get seen at church and coffee hour (that they didn't contribute anything to) and go home. That isn't full membership in a church community; but they will never understand that, and we aren't going to kick them out. When it's brought up in leadership meanings our Priest just shakes his head and then says "Some people just need church as a respite." But they aren't using it as respite.

Also the reference to ironing (see the other thread, today, lol) and "slacks" leads me to believe this PP's mores belong to the 20th century, not the 21st.

I have to admit that we are a freeloading family, although we do dress up slightly. We are freeloading because DH doesn’t support or attend church at all and so I’m doing it solo with young children. I do sometimes do food for coffee hour and donate regularly. Is that OK?

PP here.

Yes! If you sometimes do food for coffee hour, you are involved and providing support to your community with your time and talent, and if you are donating that is treasure. Three T's ... time, talent, and treasure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you won’t put a bit of effort into your appearance for God, it speaks volumes.

God doesn't just see you at church. I'll take a family who shows up consistently, who volunteers, who gives a weekly donation, but who wears casual clothes over a family who is just there to be seen in their Sunday best.

Somehow, I doubt that the family who comes in casual clothes, gives a weekly donation and shows up consistently, also volunteers.

Are you being sarcastic? Those are exactly the people who show up.

At our church the most generous volunteers are often retirees and they are always extremely put together.

Great. Do you assume families who are more casually dressed, go to church every weekend and donate are not regular volunteers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care one bit. No one needs to be dressed up to attend church.

Why did everyone dress up for church in the 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s? You don't think that looked much nicer? You don't admire a random good looking family wearing their Sunday best if you see one on a Sunday afternoon? Come on, we all do.

This erosion of effort and appearance and coming to church in casual clothes seems to be a relatively new phenomenon.

People got fat, OP. And that meant the need for elastic waist bands, and it was all downhill from there.

I'm being semi-serious.

People don't dress nicely in society at all anymore. Men used to wear suits and fedoras out and about. They no longer do.

Women used to wear skirts or dresses or even jeans. Now they paint their asses with leggings that show every curve and their cameltoes and prance around like they're proud when they should be feeling embarrassment and shame.

Sean Duffy was on to something when he asked people to dress nicely for flying again. Bring back the stratoliners!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you won’t put a bit of effort into your appearance for God, it speaks volumes.

God doesn't just see you at church. I'll take a family who shows up consistently, who volunteers, who gives a weekly donation, but who wears casual clothes over a family who is just there to be seen in their Sunday best.

Somehow, I doubt that the family who comes in casual clothes, gives a weekly donation and shows up consistently, also volunteers.

Way to announce that you don't volunteer. Those families are exactly who is doing the heavy lifting at church and in your community.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care one bit. No one needs to be dressed up to attend church.

Why did everyone dress up for church in the 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s? You don't think that looked much nicer? You don't admire a random good looking family wearing their Sunday best if you see one on a Sunday afternoon? Come on, we all do.

This erosion of effort and appearance and coming to church in casual clothes seems to be a relatively new phenomenon.

People got fat, OP. And that meant the need for elastic waist bands, and it was all downhill from there.

I'm being semi-serious.

People don't dress nicely in society at all anymore. Men used to wear suits and fedoras out and about. They no longer do.

Women used to wear skirts or dresses or even jeans. Now they paint their asses with leggings that show every curve and their cameltoes and prance around like they're proud when they should be feeling embarrassment and shame.

Sean Duffy was on to something when he asked people to dress nicely for flying again. Bring back the stratoliners!

There is some truth to this. It's part of why everyone is focused on being "comfortable." And that effects what people are wearing in various contexts.

But you need to drop the ugly misogyny.

[Anonymous]

Luke 18:9-14
New International Version
The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector
9 To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: 10 “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

14 “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:EVERYONE on here would agree -- if we're all being honest -- that it's really lovely to see a well-groomed and well-dressed (and well behaved) random family on a Sunday morning or Sunday afternoon. Why? Why does it make us instinctively smile and give us some sort of dopamine rush to see such effort and appearance in another family?

If that's a perfectly normal reaction to seeing a well-groomed family, then to the contrary can also stoke legitimate feelings of being bothered. It is perfectly natural and reasonable to want to see people put some effort into their appearance in your church.

I dispute your premise. It does not necessarily follow that someone would be bothered to see someone else “underdressed” - at church. Why should some feel they can judge others - at church? Have you actually been paying any attention at church or just gazing around and judging? You must know by now that the latter is not what church is about.

[Anonymous]

Poor people should have their own places of worship and not attend ones for wealthy and well dressed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I sound both old and old fashioned but I love seeing clean cut families put effort into their appearance. Boys in chinos and a tucked in shirt, dad in a blazer or suit (or at least a collared shirt under a nice sweater), mom and gals in dresses. Everyone's hair styled nicely. It displays such an appreciation and respect for the church and the service. We'll probably never return to that but semi-casual is still nice to see. However, the hooded sweatshirts, baggy fleece pants... untucked shirts... kids wearing t-shirts under a jacket... sporty sneakers... I hate it. Often parents are dressed nice but the kids look like they just rolled out of bed. It's not a wealth thing, it's a caring thing.

Yep. Western civ was nice while it lasted. Now everyone looks like sh!t. Not just church: air travel, public transit, buying groceries.

I was going to write that clothing is the least of western civ's problems right now ... but actually, this idea that other people are scenery in your life, such that you get annoyed when the scenery is not pleasing to you, is pretty central to what's wrong.

No, you miss the point with myopic flair. It's not that other people are mere scenery. It's that we are all interdependent in creating a lovely social fabric. When some people decline to participate, those who still make an effort become understandably annoyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I sound both old and old fashioned but I love seeing clean cut families put effort into their appearance. Boys in chinos and a tucked in shirt, dad in a blazer or suit (or at least a collared shirt under a nice sweater), mom and gals in dresses. Everyone's hair styled nicely. It displays such an appreciation and respect for the church and the service. We'll probably never return to that but semi-casual is still nice to see. However, the hooded sweatshirts, baggy fleece pants... untucked shirts... kids wearing t-shirts under a jacket... sporty sneakers... I hate it. Often parents are dressed nice but the kids look like they just rolled out of bed. It's not a wealth thing, it's a caring thing.

Yep. Western civ was nice while it lasted. Now everyone looks like sh!t. Not just church: air travel, public transit, buying groceries.

I was going to write that clothing is the least of western civ's problems right now ... but actually, this idea that other people are scenery in your life, such that you get annoyed when the scenery is not pleasing to you, is pretty central to what's wrong.

No, you miss the point with myopic flair. It's not that other people are mere scenery. It's that we are all interdependent in creating a lovely social fabric. When some people decline to participate, those who still make an effort become understandably annoyed.

Have you ever actually read the Bible? Jesus would not approve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I sound both old and old fashioned but I love seeing clean cut families put effort into their appearance. Boys in chinos and a tucked in shirt, dad in a blazer or suit (or at least a collared shirt under a nice sweater), mom and gals in dresses. Everyone's hair styled nicely. It displays such an appreciation and respect for the church and the service. We'll probably never return to that but semi-casual is still nice to see. However, the hooded sweatshirts, baggy fleece pants... untucked shirts... kids wearing t-shirts under a jacket... sporty sneakers... I hate it. Often parents are dressed nice but the kids look like they just rolled out of bed. It's not a wealth thing, it's a caring thing.

Yep. Western civ was nice while it lasted. Now everyone looks like sh!t. Not just church: air travel, public transit, buying groceries.

I was going to write that clothing is the least of western civ's problems right now ... but actually, this idea that other people are scenery in your life, such that you get annoyed when the scenery is not pleasing to you, is pretty central to what's wrong.

No, you miss the point with myopic flair. It's not that other people are mere scenery. It's that we are all interdependent in creating a lovely social fabric. When some people decline to participate, those who still make an effort become understandably annoyed.

You mean when others don’t comply with your idea of lovely and decline to sit with you in the judgy pew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I sound both old and old fashioned but I love seeing clean cut families put effort into their appearance. Boys in chinos and a tucked in shirt, dad in a blazer or suit (or at least a collared shirt under a nice sweater), mom and gals in dresses. Everyone's hair styled nicely. It displays such an appreciation and respect for the church and the service. We'll probably never return to that but semi-casual is still nice to see. However, the hooded sweatshirts, baggy fleece pants... untucked shirts... kids wearing t-shirts under a jacket... sporty sneakers... I hate it. Often parents are dressed nice but the kids look like they just rolled out of bed. It's not a wealth thing, it's a caring thing.

Yep. Western civ was nice while it lasted. Now everyone looks like sh!t. Not just church: air travel, public transit, buying groceries.

I was going to write that clothing is the least of western civ's problems right now ... but actually, this idea that other people are scenery in your life, such that you get annoyed when the scenery is not pleasing to you, is pretty central to what's wrong.

No, you miss the point with myopic flair. It's not that other people are mere scenery. It's that we are all interdependent in creating a lovely social fabric. When some people decline to participate, those who still make an effort become understandably annoyed.

How exactly does how someone else is dressed impact your church experience?

And would you prefer empty pews?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread needs to be contextualized. OP- are you white? There’s a different calculus if not. What denomination are we talking about?

Catholic
Episcopal
Methodist/Presbyterian/UCC/mainline Protestant
Non-denominational mega church
Mormon
7th day Adventist

I feel like that will help people understand where you’re coming from…

Pls explain why race is a factor.

Because Black church norms are different- historically and even now. There are also differences among denominations which is why I asked for clarification.

Yeah, the general sentiment seems to be that it’s OK for black churches to uphold high standards for attire for Sunday services but when presumably white ladies like OP (is she?) do it, then they are judgmental Karen’s.

What makes you think OP is female?