What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k

[Anonymous]

Sounds like they misjudged your capacity. I would just send an email saying that your family is not in a position to donate large amounts and state what you will give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No school asks for specific amounts.

If your school did OP leave.

Not true - I work in Development and hour Head specifically tailors his amounts to according the research on the family's capacity.

Definitely creepy. Your “research” is just an abuse of the privacy of the families at the school.

DP. It’s not an “abuse of privacy”. They don’t tell anyone about a family’s wealth. They use the information only to try to tailor requests to potential large donors. Many nonprofits do this. If you get junk mail asking for donations to help sick kids or abused dogs or anything else, they’ve used the same tools. They aren’t going to start with a $100k ask because they don’t have a connection with you yet, but your kids’ school does have a connection.

Wrong. It is absolutely a violation of the privacy of the families that school is supposed to serve. Did you ask for consent?

I have never worked for advancement, development, or donor relations. I have worked as an editor at nonprofits. I have also been on the receiving end of requests. No has ever asked for consent before asking me for money, no. That would be odd.

I’m trying to understand what violation you think has occurred. Simply the fact that one or two people at the school have used publicly available data combined with research tools to come up with an estimate of what they think a family can afford to give? I can understand if you wish we lived in a world where no one had any information about your wealth, but we don’t. Schools, like any nonprofit, are simply using the tools they have available.

It would absolutely be a violation if the development folks were broadcasting or publicizing family wealth information. But they do not do that. These offices (at schools and other nonprofits) keep that information confidential within the team and maybe a high admin, like the HOS. They aren’t blabbing, and you can even give anonymously if you don’t want your name to appear anywhere for other families to know.

Try to keep up. If your child’s school is purchasing personal data about their families from the legally dubious black data markets, to estimate their assets and wealth, that is a violation of privacy for these families. That is a violation of trust. They should absolutely ask for consent before engaging in these highly concerning data collection practices that most of us view a gross abuse of our privacy.


Calling this publicly available data is just not accurate. It is personal data that is brokered and sold by companies operating in a legal gray area. The individuals have not knowingly consented to this but it happens anyway.

These families would be very upset if they understood what the development offices were engaging in. That is why the schools do not ask for consent. Nobody would give it.


The fact that these schools are actually supporting these black markets for personal data by paying for the data is even more upsetting.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No school asks for specific amounts.

If your school did OP leave.

Not true - I work in Development and hour Head specifically tailors his amounts to according the research on the family's capacity.

Definitely creepy. Your “research” is just an abuse of the privacy of the families at the school.

DP. It’s not an “abuse of privacy”. They don’t tell anyone about a family’s wealth. They use the information only to try to tailor requests to potential large donors. Many nonprofits do this. If you get junk mail asking for donations to help sick kids or abused dogs or anything else, they’ve used the same tools. They aren’t going to start with a $100k ask because they don’t have a connection with you yet, but your kids’ school does have a connection.

Wrong. It is absolutely a violation of the privacy of the families that school is supposed to serve. Did you ask for consent?

I have never worked for advancement, development, or donor relations. I have worked as an editor at nonprofits. I have also been on the receiving end of requests. No has ever asked for consent before asking me for money, no. That would be odd.

I’m trying to understand what violation you think has occurred. Simply the fact that one or two people at the school have used publicly available data combined with research tools to come up with an estimate of what they think a family can afford to give? I can understand if you wish we lived in a world where no one had any information about your wealth, but we don’t. Schools, like any nonprofit, are simply using the tools they have available.

It would absolutely be a violation if the development folks were broadcasting or publicizing family wealth information. But they do not do that. These offices (at schools and other nonprofits) keep that information confidential within the team and maybe a high admin, like the HOS. They aren’t blabbing, and you can even give anonymously if you don’t want your name to appear anywhere for other families to know.

Try to keep up. If your child’s school is purchasing personal data about their families from the legally dubious black data markets, to estimate their assets and wealth, that is a violation of privacy for these families. That is a violation of trust. They should absolutely ask for consent before engaging in these highly concerning data collection practices that most of us view a gross abuse of our privacy.


Calling this publicly available data is just not accurate. It is personal data that is brokered and sold by companies operating in a legal gray area. The individuals have not knowingly consented to this but it happens anyway.

These families would be very upset if they understood what the development offices were engaging in. That is why the schools do not ask for consent. Nobody would give it.


The fact that these schools are actually supporting these black markets for personal data by paying for the data is even more upsetting.

+100

This is legal and common practice for at least 25 years. I had a fundraising class in grad school, and this was mentioned. Also, you're supposed to know your donors, and not ask someone who donated $500 as OP said for $100k.

OP, I would feel unappreciated and mad too, but it's not worth being upset about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No school asks for specific amounts.

If your school did OP leave.

Not true - I work in Development and hour Head specifically tailors his amounts to according the research on the family's capacity.

Definitely creepy. Your “research” is just an abuse of the privacy of the families at the school.

DP. It’s not an “abuse of privacy”. They don’t tell anyone about a family’s wealth. They use the information only to try to tailor requests to potential large donors. Many nonprofits do this. If you get junk mail asking for donations to help sick kids or abused dogs or anything else, they’ve used the same tools. They aren’t going to start with a $100k ask because they don’t have a connection with you yet, but your kids’ school does have a connection.

Wrong. It is absolutely a violation of the privacy of the families that school is supposed to serve. Did you ask for consent?

I have never worked for advancement, development, or donor relations. I have worked as an editor at nonprofits. I have also been on the receiving end of requests. No has ever asked for consent before asking me for money, no. That would be odd.

I’m trying to understand what violation you think has occurred. Simply the fact that one or two people at the school have used publicly available data combined with research tools to come up with an estimate of what they think a family can afford to give? I can understand if you wish we lived in a world where no one had any information about your wealth, but we don’t. Schools, like any nonprofit, are simply using the tools they have available.

It would absolutely be a violation if the development folks were broadcasting or publicizing family wealth information. But they do not do that. These offices (at schools and other nonprofits) keep that information confidential within the team and maybe a high admin, like the HOS. They aren’t blabbing, and you can even give anonymously if you don’t want your name to appear anywhere for other families to know.

Try to keep up. If your child’s school is purchasing personal data about their families from the legally dubious black data markets, to estimate their assets and wealth, that is a violation of privacy for these families. That is a violation of trust. They should absolutely ask for consent before engaging in these highly concerning data collection practices that most of us view a gross abuse of our privacy.


Calling this publicly available data is just not accurate. It is personal data that is brokered and sold by companies operating in a legal gray area. The individuals have not knowingly consented to this but it happens anyway.

These families would be very upset if they understood what the development offices were engaging in. That is why the schools do not ask for consent. Nobody would give it.


The fact that these schools are actually supporting these black markets for personal data by paying for the data is even more upsetting.

+100

This is legal and common practice for at least 25 years. I had a fundraising class in grad school, and this was mentioned. Also, you're supposed to know your donors, and not ask someone who donated $500 as OP said for $100k.

OP, I would feel unappreciated and mad too, but it's not worth being upset about.

It is common, but does fall within a legal gray area that most individuals strongly object to. The black data markets have become much more comprehensive and personal over the past 25 years since you attended schools. That is why the schools don’t ask families for consent. The families would be furious.

[Anonymous]

Anyone engaging with these data scraping / data brokerage services to estimate wealth of families at a school should be ashamed of themselves. Really disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol

I wish this would have happened to me. My husband would have a field day in this situation.

What did you actually say in the moment?

“Ahem. Seriously? I mean, what? We have 5 kids to put through private school, college, and grad school…what makes you think we have $100k to donate? Is this a joke? Are we being punked?”

That’s why they didn’t ask you. Who do you think is paying for your kids’ amazing arts program and state of the art science labs? It’s not the contrarians.

Are you in development?

Putting parents on the spot with an ask that large isn’t smart.

Development 101: if a donor last gift was $1k, try to move them up to $2,500 or maybe $5k…maybe $10k if you have clear evidence of routine gifts elsewhere.

But asking for $100k is poor judgment.

The nonprofit where I work (along with some others I know) panicked and started doing this. Most of the donors were too flustered to complain directly during the ask and waited a few days before sharing their disappointment with such a ridiculous ask.

Having said that, a few of the $100k asks ultimately delivered $25k gifts…and maybe that was the real goal? But they definitely alienated a bunch of donors along the way.

In short: it’s a desperate move that makes donors question your judgment and financial resilience.

No I don’t work in development. It sounds like these people made a mistake in how they approached this parent.

However, I have made large donations. Also I have kids at these schools. The advancement office are responsible for raising the funds that pay for everything from facilities to arts. They have a hard job, and I don’t think it’s worth scorning them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The answer is NO.
Now is the time to pull your kids from this school.

Is it a religious private or secular?

This is the correct answer.

[Anonymous]

This is a troll. Are all you parents responding from public schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll. Are all you parents responding from public schools?

You think this doesn't happen? It absolutely does.

[Anonymous]

Value of house is available on the public internet.

Simple credit reports likely show your borrowing limit and % of credit used. That is how you get screened for credit card offers.

If you filled out any financial paperwork or credit report permission when you registered, that would already give a lot of info.

[Anonymous]

This happened to my parents. Worse yet, my mom was a division head at the school. They set her down and asked for more than twice her annual salary. She quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone engaging with these data scraping / data brokerage services to estimate wealth of families at a school should be ashamed of themselves. Really disgusting.

I can tell you that every single nonprofit out there does this.

Really, it’s usually just house value and SEC filing info.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone engaging with these data scraping / data brokerage services to estimate wealth of families at a school should be ashamed of themselves. Really disgusting.

I can tell you that every single nonprofit out there does this.

Really, it’s usually just house value and SEC filing info.

SEC filing info cannot provide information on most people. Just NEOs of public companies.

[Anonymous]

You definitely need to come up with the money. They will probably kick your kid out if you don’t. Or at least black list them

[Anonymous]

Surprised the 'threat' of bringing up the discipline issue from the beginning of the year hasn't gotten more discussion.