Wife dies and husband adopts their 1 year old out to the aunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife almost died during childbirth. Things looked bleak. I had about 24 hours to think about what I was going to do. I had pretty much made up my mind I wasn't going keep her, so much of that was debating whether I would simply leave them at the hospital for CPS or turn them over a family member. I wanted to the former to let her start life from a clean slate, preferably never learning about her traumatic birthday, but pretty much concluded I'd have to do the latter.

And while I was convinced, at the time at least, that was the right discusion, I also didn't expect I'd be able to live with myself. So I planned my suicide, too.

Obviously I don't know what I actually would have done if my wife didn't evenctually pull through, but I do know I would never judge whatever decision someone makes in that situation.

Did you have more kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stories like this are radicalizing to me. The fact that a man can still do this, in this day and age, and not just be shunned by society, is grotesque.

I know of a woman who bailed on her kids, left them with their (wonderful) father to go "live her own life" and she was rightly shunned by the whole community, including her parents and siblings and her oldest friends.

That's misogyny at work right there. As long as men are allowed to just abandon their children when it suits them, it's a problem for society. And it's been like this forever. And our president elect has even done this! (With Tiffany).

So if someone- mother or father- knows they're not likely to a good parent, you'd rather they keep their child to avoid social ostracization than find a better home for their child?

A good point, but it excuses people who "choose" to be lousy parents. Not people who have medical conditions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - a lot of women do this, too. I know two women who abandoned their children. One moved across the country but does have a relationship with her child (she sees her twice a year) and the other one flat out abandoned the child and even the dad has no idea what happened to her. So you ladies need to shut it about this being a man only thing. Absolutely not true.

I never said it was a man issue. I worked with families, I have seen it all. Never someone whose spouse died and adopted out their toddler child shortly after.

You’re being misleading - the child is with family.

You think the aunt takes the place of a bio dad?

[Anonymous]

OP, how old is this guy?

This was very standard through, I would say, the 1970s. Men were seen as incapable of raising kids.

My grandfather had a much younger brother. When his mother died, his younger brother went to live with my grandfather and my grandmother - my grandmother was only about 22 but she was seen as more capable of raising a child than the forty or fifty something father. When the father got remarried, the brother went to live his his dad and stepmom since there was now a "mom" in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stories like this are radicalizing to me. The fact that a man can still do this, in this day and age, and not just be shunned by society, is grotesque.

I know of a woman who bailed on her kids, left them with their (wonderful) father to go "live her own life" and she was rightly shunned by the whole community, including her parents and siblings and her oldest friends.

That's misogyny at work right there. As long as men are allowed to just abandon their children when it suits them, it's a problem for society. And it's been like this forever. And our president elect has even done this! (With Tiffany).

Their not allowed to run out on their families. Why there are laws of abandonment, and child support. Adopting out is a completely different story. They can sever all legal ties with the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - a lot of women do this, too. I know two women who abandoned their children. One moved across the country but does have a relationship with her child (she sees her twice a year) and the other one flat out abandoned the child and even the dad has no idea what happened to her. So you ladies need to shut it about this being a man only thing. Absolutely not true.

I never said it was a man issue. I worked with families, I have seen it all. Never someone whose spouse died and adopted out their toddler child shortly after.

You’re being misleading - the child is with family.

You think the aunt takes the place of a bio dad?

Whoa... Would you ever say that to an adoptive parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife almost died during childbirth. Things looked bleak. I had about 24 hours to think about what I was going to do. I had pretty much made up my mind I wasn't going keep her, so much of that was debating whether I would simply leave them at the hospital for CPS or turn them over a family member. I wanted to the former to let her start life from a clean slate, preferably never learning about her traumatic birthday, but pretty much concluded I'd have to do the latter.

And while I was convinced, at the time at least, that was the right discusion, I also didn't expect I'd be able to live with myself. So I planned my suicide, too.

Obviously I don't know what I actually would have done if my wife didn't evenctually pull through, but I do know I would never judge whatever decision someone makes in that situation.

Did you have more kids?

Situations like that don't usually leave you capable of having more kids. We weren't going to anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stories like this are radicalizing to me. The fact that a man can still do this, in this day and age, and not just be shunned by society, is grotesque.

I know of a woman who bailed on her kids, left them with their (wonderful) father to go "live her own life" and she was rightly shunned by the whole community, including her parents and siblings and her oldest friends.

That's misogyny at work right there. As long as men are allowed to just abandon their children when it suits them, it's a problem for society. And it's been like this forever. And our president elect has even done this! (With Tiffany).

So if someone- mother or father- knows they're not likely to a good parent, you'd rather they keep their child to avoid social ostracization than find a better home for their child?

A good point, but it excuses people who "choose" to be lousy parents. Not people who have medical conditions.

What does this even mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I used to work with a woman who placed her daughter for adoption at 8 months. She was a single mom and couldn't handle the responsibility. Nor did she want to.

I was shocked. However, mom had very little emotional attachment. The little girl was hopefully raised in a better situation.

8-month-olds are still practically potatoes. I wouldn't expect a strong emotional attachment yet.

You wouldn't expect a strong emotional attachment from the Mother of an 8 month old? How sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is a lowlife. dump him

How could he not be bonded to his own child he's had for a year? That's disturbing.

Perhaps in that year he discovered he didn't have the skills to be a good parent. The vasectomy seems consistent with that.

I don't know why anyone would want to force a parent into a situation of caring for a child they're not equipped to deal with. That's terrible for the child.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stories like this are radicalizing to me. The fact that a man can still do this, in this day and age, and not just be shunned by society, is grotesque.

I know of a woman who bailed on her kids, left them with their (wonderful) father to go "live her own life" and she was rightly shunned by the whole community, including her parents and siblings and her oldest friends.

That's misogyny at work right there. As long as men are allowed to just abandon their children when it suits them, it's a problem for society. And it's been like this forever. And our president elect has even done this! (With Tiffany).

I didn't know you could adopt your child out after a year because you simply didn't want to take care of them. He didn't want to be a single dad.

You didn't know adoptions could take place at any age? Really? We can add "ignorant" to your list of flaws.

DP here. I didn't know that this happened simply because a family did not want a child any longer. I assumed there had to be some abuse/neglect/CPS involvement. Call me ignorant!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I used to work with a woman who placed her daughter for adoption at 8 months. She was a single mom and couldn't handle the responsibility. Nor did she want to.

I was shocked. However, mom had very little emotional attachment. The little girl was hopefully raised in a better situation.

8-month-olds are still practically potatoes. I wouldn't expect a strong emotional attachment yet.

You wouldn't expect a strong emotional attachment from the Mother of an 8 month old? How sad.

They're not even talking yet, so no. Don't mistake hormones for emotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stories like this are radicalizing to me. The fact that a man can still do this, in this day and age, and not just be shunned by society, is grotesque.

I know of a woman who bailed on her kids, left them with their (wonderful) father to go "live her own life" and she was rightly shunned by the whole community, including her parents and siblings and her oldest friends.

That's misogyny at work right there. As long as men are allowed to just abandon their children when it suits them, it's a problem for society. And it's been like this forever. And our president elect has even done this! (With Tiffany).

I didn't know you could adopt your child out after a year because you simply didn't want to take care of them. He didn't want to be a single dad.

You didn't know adoptions could take place at any age? Really? We can add "ignorant" to your list of flaws.

DP here. I didn't know that this happened simply because a family did not want a child any longer. I assumed there had to be some abuse/neglect/CPS involvement. Call me ignorant!

How old are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I used to work with a woman who placed her daughter for adoption at 8 months. She was a single mom and couldn't handle the responsibility. Nor did she want to.

I was shocked. However, mom had very little emotional attachment. The little girl was hopefully raised in a better situation.

8-month-olds are still practically potatoes. I wouldn't expect a strong emotional attachment yet.

You wouldn't expect a strong emotional attachment from the Mother of an 8 month old? How sad.

Exactly. So untrue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stories like this are radicalizing to me. The fact that a man can still do this, in this day and age, and not just be shunned by society, is grotesque.

I know of a woman who bailed on her kids, left them with their (wonderful) father to go "live her own life" and she was rightly shunned by the whole community, including her parents and siblings and her oldest friends.

That's misogyny at work right there. As long as men are allowed to just abandon their children when it suits them, it's a problem for society. And it's been like this forever. And our president elect has even done this! (With Tiffany).

I didn't know you could adopt your child out after a year because you simply didn't want to take care of them. He didn't want to be a single dad.

You didn't know adoptions could take place at any age? Really? We can add "ignorant" to your list of flaws.

DP here. I didn't know that this happened simply because a family did not want a child any longer. I assumed there had to be some abuse/neglect/CPS involvement. Call me ignorant!

You can more easily adopt out a young child. Not so with an older one because local laws and regulations would apply. If it were that easy a quarter of all parents would be dropping off their teens.