Very odd response from a non-cheater. |
As someone who has crossed the line, I can tell you that if your DW had cheated, you would notice her immediately avoiding him in person around other people. She’d be playing it cool. Of course now you will eliminate that tell since she’ll have to pull back because of your concern. You’re probably in the clear. Good luck. |
Good luck, OP! You may have crossed a boundary with snooping but you love your wife and all is fair in love and war. Your heart is in the right place and you did what you did because you care. And you care for your future. Your wife has reason to be upset but she realizes she crossed a a line with the workouts. Out the past behind you and work on your relationship. Use this episode to renew your love. Take a vacation - be transparent to each other and move forward.
Signed - a man who cares two hoots for labels such as alpha beta and gamma. Take care. No need to go in a guilt trip and no need to applies either. But invest in your relationship and demonstrate your love to your wife. Go overboard on Mothers Day |
Divorce is the only option. |
As a woman who previously cheated , I agree if she slept with him , she’d likely avoid him in a public situation . I agree if she was working out with him and texting with him , she likely had a crush on him that maybe never actualized . I agree with PP , make sure you give her the attention she is craving , make her feel cared for , make love to her ! Otherwise one day , she will cross that line |
Yes agree with these prior posts. I have a work out “friend” and we have grown very close. And yes I would sleep with this person if the opportunity arose and it has come close over the years. I do love this person and trust as well which is why I have these feelings. And yes there is chemistry. So…. Best to stop or raise it with your DW. I love my spouse but also have to admit I love this other person too and would cross that line if I am not careful! |
I would bet money it’s already happened for quite some time right under his nose. I had a similar relationship that ended up blowing up his marriage and mine. |
No. Not if she still is in his orbit at gatherings as OP has said. It’s a sudden caution that would indicate something happened. It’s probably a harmless friendship that once had some enjoyable tension. |
There’s no need to be mean. Maybe it’s a good idea to talk to your wife. There may be some underlying issues or unfulfilled needs your neighbor was providing her that you were not. |
We have both had rough patches in our marriages but still never cheated. Just tight friends. |
She seemed hurt because you called her out, and that made her feel ashamed for her thoughts/actions. Which she thought you hadn’t noticed and were therefore acceptable. If she truly had only 100% platonic feelings for the guy and was not attracted to him in any way shape or form, she probably would have seemed more amused by the suggestion. |
I don’t know, op, where were you when she was sidling up to this neighbor? Fine if all they did was run together, fine if all they did was chat at neighborhood parties, but why the texting and leaving you out? That would annoy me. I’d also be annoyed if my husband preferred to sit with another woman then with me, to the point that I’d go over and have a seat or my husband and I would not be having a pleasant evening when we got home.
Your problem is you let this go on to long. Your other problem is that you weren’t present enough meaning, you treated your wife well like a wife and not like a beloved partner. Go back to how you treated her when you guys were newly dating and with that mindset nobody can mess up the relationship… unless something is wrong with one of you or one of you didn’t like the other one as much as you might have hoped. This isn’t keeping an eye on someone it’s letting them and the world know you have a special relationship and that relationship is known and respected by everybody you interact with. As for the wife giving you the silent treatment, that’s abusive.If that’s what she’s doing I’d call her out on it. I might even say “you like this guy enough to stop speaking to me.. let’s discuss divorce”. Say it without anger and mean what you say, there is nothing wrong with discussing changing the legalities of a relationship. People do it all the time, think marriage and adoption and those are happy conversations if not just conversations. No reason divorce can’t be handled in the same way. |
I think her reaction suggests that the closest anything bad came to happening was back during the exercising phase. Maybe something happened or maybe COVID cut it off before it did and she realizes in retrospect that things were blurry then. She's thinking that she's totally moved on from the blurry period and you've called her out on it now and she like wtf... I'm passed this. The fact she still sits next to him in public, etc suggests to be that the overwhelming likelihood is that the line was never crossed. |
You really want OP's kids to have a broken family? |
May be line was crossed or nearly crossed but acting awkward in public would be like announcing it to spouses and nosy neighbors. |