Come here if your in laws do weird crap at thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH just told MIL for the third time that no, we won’t be putting food on the table and passing. We’ll be serving it buffet-style from the island. She’s fighting her on this and he finally said, “No one wants to pass and pass and monitor what each other is or is not eating. We all just want to make a plate and eat.” Which has always been MY argument for hating family-style service.

(Nelson voice Ha ha!

Nice! My MIL also refuses to understand that passing family style is no longer a popular way of serving. And I agree that one of the main motivations for old people liking it is that they like to see who is taking what and how much.

really? what do you do on a daily basis? and do people really care about seeing what other people eat (that seems odd and slightly disordered)

NP. On a daily basis, we put food on the island, and either self-serve or one adult serves for the kids or whatever. Occasionally DH and I will ask the other if they want us to make them a plate. But mostly, everyone makes their own plate.

Anyway, I see you’ve never been part of an interminably long pass, pass, pass, pass holiday dinner. They are the WORST. A huge casserole dish hovering in midair while Aunt Bertha hems and haws about whether she wants this dish or that. Or MIL asks why you aren’t eating mashed rutabagas. Or FIL says “wow, you’re taking a LOT of mashed potatoes.” So much commentary about who is eating what and how much, or how no one is eating the yams and you really need to take some yams. Meanwhile the food is getting cold instead of being eaten. It’s so laborious and unnecessary.

I get the argument about passing dishes being annoying/food getting cold (my family is small so not an issue for us) but I’m confused about the commentary. Don’t you all bring your plates back to the table and eat together? Don’t rude people who want to comment on others’ food still have the opportunity to do so?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine get up early and run 5k with a bunch of other people. Weirdos.

We have about 40-60 people over at 9am for yoga and then brunch. Everyone leaves by noon, unless they've been invited for Thanksgiving dinner. Then around 3pm a new wave of people come for Thanksgiving.

Sounds amazing! Do you have household staff? This sounds like a lot to take on if you are doing the cooking/cleaning/organizing yourself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH just told MIL for the third time that no, we won’t be putting food on the table and passing. We’ll be serving it buffet-style from the island. She’s fighting her on this and he finally said, “No one wants to pass and pass and monitor what each other is or is not eating. We all just want to make a plate and eat.” Which has always been MY argument for hating family-style service.

(Nelson voice Ha ha!

Nice! My MIL also refuses to understand that passing family style is no longer a popular way of serving. And I agree that one of the main motivations for old people liking it is that they like to see who is taking what and how much.

really? what do you do on a daily basis? and do people really care about seeing what other people eat (that seems odd and slightly disordered)

NP. On a daily basis, we put food on the island, and either self-serve or one adult serves for the kids or whatever. Occasionally DH and I will ask the other if they want us to make them a plate. But mostly, everyone makes their own plate.

Anyway, I see you’ve never been part of an interminably long pass, pass, pass, pass holiday dinner. They are the WORST. A huge casserole dish hovering in midair while Aunt Bertha hems and haws about whether she wants this dish or that. Or MIL asks why you aren’t eating mashed rutabagas. Or FIL says “wow, you’re taking a LOT of mashed potatoes.” So much commentary about who is eating what and how much, or how no one is eating the yams and you really need to take some yams. Meanwhile the food is getting cold instead of being eaten. It’s so laborious and unnecessary.

I get the argument about passing dishes being annoying/food getting cold (my family is small so not an issue for us) but I’m confused about the commentary. Don’t you all bring your plates back to the table and eat together? Don’t rude people who want to comment on others’ food still have the opportunity to do so?

Yes, of course we do! What do you not get about buffet-style service? You make your plate, sit at the table, and eat. What about this is so hard for you to comprehend?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Appetizer of ham slices rolled around dill pickle and cream cheese.

That's pms food right there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH just told MIL for the third time that no, we won’t be putting food on the table and passing. We’ll be serving it buffet-style from the island. She’s fighting her on this and he finally said, “No one wants to pass and pass and monitor what each other is or is not eating. We all just want to make a plate and eat.” Which has always been MY argument for hating family-style service.

(Nelson voice Ha ha!

Nice! My MIL also refuses to understand that passing family style is no longer a popular way of serving. And I agree that one of the main motivations for old people liking it is that they like to see who is taking what and how much.

really? what do you do on a daily basis? and do people really care about seeing what other people eat (that seems odd and slightly disordered)

NP. On a daily basis, we put food on the island, and either self-serve or one adult serves for the kids or whatever. Occasionally DH and I will ask the other if they want us to make them a plate. But mostly, everyone makes their own plate.

Anyway, I see you’ve never been part of an interminably long pass, pass, pass, pass holiday dinner. They are the WORST. A huge casserole dish hovering in midair while Aunt Bertha hems and haws about whether she wants this dish or that. Or MIL asks why you aren’t eating mashed rutabagas. Or FIL says “wow, you’re taking a LOT of mashed potatoes.” So much commentary about who is eating what and how much, or how no one is eating the yams and you really need to take some yams. Meanwhile the food is getting cold instead of being eaten. It’s so laborious and unnecessary.

I get the argument about passing dishes being annoying/food getting cold (my family is small so not an issue for us) but I’m confused about the commentary. Don’t you all bring your plates back to the table and eat together? Don’t rude people who want to comment on others’ food still have the opportunity to do so?

Yes, of course we do! What do you not get about buffet-style service? You make your plate, sit at the table, and eat. What about this is so hard for you to comprehend?!

Sorry, hit submit too soon. And yes, I suppose it would still be possible for extremely rude people to notice and comment on what you are or are not eating, but there’s not as much “public opportunity” to do so. Like if someone holds a plate of mashed rutabaga in front of you while everyone else is waiting for things to be passed around, and you pass it without taking any, some people pipe up and try to push the food on you. Or if the mashed potatoes stop with you for a bit, then there’s just more of a “visible moment” where it’s like “you took a LOT.” It’s usually Boomers who make this kind of comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH just told MIL for the third time that no, we won’t be putting food on the table and passing. We’ll be serving it buffet-style from the island. She’s fighting her on this and he finally said, “No one wants to pass and pass and monitor what each other is or is not eating. We all just want to make a plate and eat.” Which has always been MY argument for hating family-style service.

(Nelson voice Ha ha!

Nice! My MIL also refuses to understand that passing family style is no longer a popular way of serving. And I agree that one of the main motivations for old people liking it is that they like to see who is taking what and how much.

really? what do you do on a daily basis? and do people really care about seeing what other people eat (that seems odd and slightly disordered)

NP. On a daily basis, we put food on the island, and either self-serve or one adult serves for the kids or whatever. Occasionally DH and I will ask the other if they want us to make them a plate. But mostly, everyone makes their own plate.

Anyway, I see you’ve never been part of an interminably long pass, pass, pass, pass holiday dinner. They are the WORST. A huge casserole dish hovering in midair while Aunt Bertha hems and haws about whether she wants this dish or that. Or MIL asks why you aren’t eating mashed rutabagas. Or FIL says “wow, you’re taking a LOT of mashed potatoes.” So much commentary about who is eating what and how much, or how no one is eating the yams and you really need to take some yams. Meanwhile the food is getting cold instead of being eaten. It’s so laborious and unnecessary.

I get the argument about passing dishes being annoying/food getting cold (my family is small so not an issue for us) but I’m confused about the commentary. Don’t you all bring your plates back to the table and eat together? Don’t rude people who want to comment on others’ food still have the opportunity to do so?

Yes, of course we do! What do you not get about buffet-style service? You make your plate, sit at the table, and eat. What about this is so hard for you to comprehend?!

What's hard to understand is that some people actually think that there's a right way and a wrong way to do it. The person's whose inlaws commented were wrong to judge someone for buffet style, but it sounds like she'd been whining about family style for long enough that her husband had memorized her whine, which certainly isn't better.

Neither way is better. You pick what works for your house, and for your family. But the idea that somehow if you pass family style people will see what you're eating and comment, is bizarre because of course they'll see anyway. If they're polite they won't comment in either way. If they're rude they might.

[Anonymous]

FIL insists on making disgusting giblet gravy that no one else likes. He doesn’t do a good job, at all. He takes over and then no one gets gravy because no one wants disgusting giblet gravy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last Thanksgiving my SIL came out of her basement and handed DH a white-and-gold wrapped gift. It was a wedding gift -- from when he married his first wife. Thirty freaking years ago. We have been together 20 and married for seven. Apparently it was a gift from some family member that gave it to her to give them and she never did? And after all these years she felt Thanksgiving with me sitting next to him was the perfect time to come hand it to him?

What was the gift? Did it survive the 30 year wait to be opened?

I have no idea. I pitched a fit and told SIL to put it back wherever it came from, and to keep it or throw it out.

If DCUM had been around 30 years ago I bet the gift giver would have been posting on here about how they weren't ever going to speak to DH and his ex again because they didn't get a thank you note for a wedding gift. And then someone on here would chime in about with "Are you sure they got it?" and a bunch of people would post and say "Of course they got it, people are just rude, go no contact." Lol.

You've been with your DH for 20 years and are this insecure?

Not at all insecure. Just don't like my SIL. For very good reasons (to start with: racism). She knows this, and likes to offend me at holidays. FAFO.

You sound so tough. I’m sure she’s scared.

Oh. I see. It's you who are insecure. Why else are you acting out like this over the internet on Thanksgiving?

Who types “FAFO” about their spouses sibling? So trashy.

Haha. I had to google it. I’m almost 50 though. I’m a different poster - I agree that the poster pitching a fit about a 30 year old present and busting out FAFO is a handful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ILs buy whatever I say I'm bringing. So if I say I'm bringing pumpkin pie, they get a store bought pie and put it next to mine.

For the record, I have sold my baked goods, and they always get rave reviews and my kitchen is clean. Nothing wrong with my pie.

My mother used to suggest to my sister when she asked what to bring, to pick up from the store whatever I had stayed up until 2 am to prepare. Then when my sister arrived, my mom would say to me confidentially, let's not put yours out, it will hurt your sister's feelings. How do people get that insane?[/quote]
I don't know, but my mil does that type of thing, too. This year, she told dw she wasn't doing Thanksgiving because it's too much stress and work. She told her to let all her kids and their spouses bring everything so we could gather and eat and she wouldn't have to work. She decided she'd do the main course and each child had 2-3 foods, drinks or supplies they would bring. We got there and she'd done everything and not well because she was so anxious she took xanax and was flying high. When I reminded her of the plan, she laughed. It was an...interesting meal.

[Anonymous]

We were invited to eat dinner to be served at 2 pm. We arrived hungry at 1, had only eaten a small breakfast. Dinner was not even getting started when we arrived. We ate at 4:30. There were no appetizers available for before the meal. My kids were starving and my MIL said there is a grocery store a block away you can go get them something there.

[Anonymous]

We’ve been staying at in laws’ home out of state for three days, and MIL went to urgent care this morning because apparently she has been running a fever for three days. (Never mentioned this til this morning, only looked a bit tired yesterday and took a nap mid afternoon yesterday. but she’s 80 so that seemed normal). When she and FIL returned from urgent care around 10am, she had developed a nasty cough overnight and had lost her voice. But she got exceedingly angry when we insisted on telling the other guests (family friends who live nearby) not to come for dinner as planned.
MIL not understand why they couldn’t still come over because she “feels fine”…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine get up early and run 5k with a bunch of other people. Weirdos.

We have about 40-60 people over at 9am for yoga and then brunch. Everyone leaves by noon, unless they've been invited for Thanksgiving dinner. Then around 3pm a new wave of people come for Thanksgiving.

Sounds amazing! Do you have household staff? This sounds like a lot to take on if you are doing the cooking/cleaning/organizing yourself

The brunch is really just bagels, lox, cream cheese, fruit, mimosas, coffee, etc. So it's pretty easy to shop for everything Wednesday and then send DH and FIL out with one of the kids in the morning for the bagels and they put them out. We prepped the sides and desserts Wednesday. Thursday (today) DH cooks the turkey and we warm up everything in the other oven. We had the house cleaned Wednesday, and we'll clean up tonight but have the house cleaned again Monday. The nanny is invited to the brunch as a guest. She usually comes with her two granddaughters who are DS's age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were invited to eat dinner to be served at 2 pm. We arrived hungry at 1, had only eaten a small breakfast. Dinner was not even getting started when we arrived. We ate at 4:30. There were no appetizers available for before the meal. My kids were starving and my MIL said there is a grocery store a block away you can go get them something there.

Rude of her but at least she “let” you go to the store! That’s what I would have done, gone to the store

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL has been here since Tuesday. Tuesday night, we got a Costco rotisserie chicken for dinner. I put it out on a serving platter on the counter, as I was going to divide it out, but just as I was doing that, my daughter started crying in the other room so I went to see what was wrong (she stubbed her toe).

I come back to the kitchen to finish up what I was doing and I caught MIL ripping apart the rotisserie chicken with her bare hands, like a gd caveman.

I couldn't believe what I saw. This was dinner for four of us (DD, MIL, Me and DH) and she's in there tearing it up with her dirty hands.

I was so disgusted - I told her that chicken is hers now. Luckily we live in a condo next to a full service grocery store and I went to get another chicken.

You're a psycho.I hope you don't eat at restaurants, because everyone that touches your food uses their hands. Bare hands. Or they use gloves that they put on at the start of an eight hour shift and never change or wash, entirely for show. Idiot.

[Anonymous]

I'm somewhat in shock at all the Typhoid Marys in this thread passionately defending someone gripping and massaging other people's food without asking...must be the same people that send their kids to daycare with a "healthy cough" or "energetic fever".