Wife is just lazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she lazy in bed too?

She shouldn't be after a day of doing nothing but walking at the gym for an hour a day she should be chock full of energy for hanky panky time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I do my own laundry, cook half the time, clean half the time, take care off of our kid's sports. So tired of playing the role of almost two parents.

This is hilarious. This is the equivalent of going into the hospital where my husband works and saying, I pack half the lunches, clean my own desk, and do half of the taking out the trash in the office, and go to a meeting every day. And then claiming I deserve credit for doing half his job.

So basically, your wife has decided to do a positive thing for her health and start going to the gym, and your response is to call her lazy because she hasn’t achieved a level of fitness you deem worthy. And you are taking the credit for all the home and parenting responsibilities and dismissing her efforts. Lucky gal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is your 10-year old totally self-sufficient???? That’s impressive. Hats off to you both, although I don’t know how developmentally appropriate that is for a 10yo.

Why wouldn't he be? They can brush their own teeth, bathe themselves, make a sandwich, wipe their own butts. What kinda kids are you over there raising?

Is that parenting to you???


I play games with them, talk to them, take them to friends' houses, help them with homework, remind them to do their chores, teach them to do things, and help them emotionally regulate. I also cook for them (they eat things besides sandwiches and ramen), I clean their sheets and towels, etc.

yes a 10-year old can keep themselves alive but it's pretty neglectful on the part of a parent to expect them to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Based on all the threads with the same topic you must recognize that there is no laziness. Only depression and ADHD. You are not supportive of her challenges and are therefore at fault.

NOTHING not ONE THING in his post suggests ADHD. She is lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is your 10-year old totally self-sufficient???? That’s impressive. Hats off to you both, although I don’t know how developmentally appropriate that is for a 10yo.

Why wouldn't he be? They can brush their own teeth, bathe themselves, make a sandwich, wipe their own butts. What kinda kids are you over there raising?

Is that parenting to you???


I play games with them, talk to them, take them to friends' houses, help them with homework, remind them to do their chores, teach them to do things, and help them emotionally regulate. I also cook for them (they eat things besides sandwiches and ramen), I clean their sheets and towels, etc.

yes a 10-year old can keep themselves alive but it's pretty neglectful on the part of a parent to expect them to do that.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is your 10-year old totally self-sufficient???? That’s impressive. Hats off to you both, although I don’t know how developmentally appropriate that is for a 10yo.

Why wouldn't he be? They can brush their own teeth, bathe themselves, make a sandwich, wipe their own butts. What kinda kids are you over there raising?

Is that parenting to you???


I play games with them, talk to them, take them to friends' houses, help them with homework, remind them to do their chores, teach them to do things, and help them emotionally regulate. I also cook for them (they eat things besides sandwiches and ramen), I clean their sheets and towels, etc.

yes a 10-year old can keep themselves alive but it's pretty neglectful on the part of a parent to expect them to do that.

I agree.

You do know that while the 10yo is in school, she could clean the house and go to the gym right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is your 10-year old totally self-sufficient???? That’s impressive. Hats off to you both, although I don’t know how developmentally appropriate that is for a 10yo.

Why wouldn't he be? They can brush their own teeth, bathe themselves, make a sandwich, wipe their own butts. What kinda kids are you over there raising?

Is that parenting to you???


I play games with them, talk to them, take them to friends' houses, help them with homework, remind them to do their chores, teach them to do things, and help them emotionally regulate. I also cook for them (they eat things besides sandwiches and ramen), I clean their sheets and towels, etc.

yes a 10-year old can keep themselves alive but it's pretty neglectful on the part of a parent to expect them to do that.

I agree.

+1

Some parents do bare minimum, and it shows. Sorry, OP. I know the type - and it is gross. I feel bad for you, seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is your 10-year old totally self-sufficient???? That’s impressive. Hats off to you both, although I don’t know how developmentally appropriate that is for a 10yo.

Why wouldn't he be? They can brush their own teeth, bathe themselves, make a sandwich, wipe their own butts. What kinda kids are you over there raising?

Is that parenting to you???


I play games with them, talk to them, take them to friends' houses, help them with homework, remind them to do their chores, teach them to do things, and help them emotionally regulate. I also cook for them (they eat things besides sandwiches and ramen), I clean their sheets and towels, etc.

yes a 10-year old can keep themselves alive but it's pretty neglectful on the part of a parent to expect them to do that.

I agree.

You do know that while the 10yo is in school, she could clean the house and go to the gym right?

Is the 10yo currently in school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she lazy in bed too?

She shouldn't be after a day of doing nothing but walking at the gym for an hour a day she should be chock full of energy for hanky panky time.

I'm sure she can't wait to have sex with the guy who demands to know what specific exercises she is doing at the gym

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is your 10-year old totally self-sufficient???? That’s impressive. Hats off to you both, although I don’t know how developmentally appropriate that is for a 10yo.

Why wouldn't he be? They can brush their own teeth, bathe themselves, make a sandwich, wipe their own butts. What kinda kids are you over there raising?

Is that parenting to you???


I play games with them, talk to them, take them to friends' houses, help them with homework, remind them to do their chores, teach them to do things, and help them emotionally regulate. I also cook for them (they eat things besides sandwiches and ramen), I clean their sheets and towels, etc.

yes a 10-year old can keep themselves alive but it's pretty neglectful on the part of a parent to expect them to do that.

I agree.

You do know that while the 10yo is in school, she could clean the house and go to the gym right?

You know there is no school in the summer, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work as a fitness and nutrition coach, and I worked with a lot of SAHMs like your wife.

Lack of exercise is almost never about laziness. Most SAHMs have a long history of attempting to lose weight, work, etc. But they end up pulled in a million different directions - they want to work, but their H won’t handle half of the sick days or pickups. They want to work out, but society makes them feel guilty for not devoting that time to their families. They try to balance work and life by getting involved in things like MLMs, which are enticing because they promise you can make a ton of money while also raising kids full-time, but of course always fail.

After years of these “failures”, they lose all hope. Most of the time, their H’s are unsupportive, like you are. They see “my wife cannot run 30 minutes” rather than “wow, my wife is going to the gym every day, how awesome that she is doing something for herself and improving herself!” Improvement in health is a long, slow game, not a “be able to run a 5k in 8 weeks”.

Making things worse, they usually have to ask their husbands for permission to spend money on themselves. So you have a perfect storm of years of martyring, a husband who sees them as a failure, and who denies them access to the money and support that WILL help them thrive. They end up severely depressed and exactly like your W.

If you truly want to help her, be supportive. Don’t stress over the house and cooking - that will come. First, she needs to regain autonomy and control over her life. She needs to feel supported. Let her know you think it’s fantastic she’s going to the gym. Ask if she’d like to do personal training sessions and make it happen. Take an interest in her dreams - I promise you, she has them. Listen to what her dreams are and let her know you want to help her achieve them. She needs to re-discover herself and her identity.

Haven’t read all the replies but thank you for writing this. I needed to hear this today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this thread will get hated on. But, I need to rant.

My wife is a stay at home mom. We have one kid who's ten. He's 100% self sufficient. She stays home all day. But, she hates to cook, do laundry, clean the house, wash the dishes, etc. I work 50-60 hours a week supporting the family and I do more house chores than she does. This summer she wanted to lose some weight. She's about 30lb over. She joins a gym for $50 a month and in the last two months she has lost zero pounds. I ask her what she's doing there and she's walking/jogging for 30-40 minutes. That's it. I asked her if she's able to jog 30 minutes in a row and she said no. Really? She's healthy. Nothing wrong with her. Yet, after two months at the gym she can't even job 30 minutes?

I do my own laundry, cook half the time, clean half the time, take care off of our kid's sports. So tired of playing the role of almost two parents.

Kids, when you marry. Listen to your gut.

Such a weird criticism. Not everyone can jog continuously for 30 min, even active people. I can ride my bike for several hours, but have a hard time jogging for 30 min. It's just not for everyone. I think it's awesome that she's getting herself to the gym to walk/jog, and with more encouragement, she may push herself to do more. If she starts to feel great about herself, then maybe she'll pick up in the areas that you are griping about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is your 10-year old totally self-sufficient???? That’s impressive. Hats off to you both, although I don’t know how developmentally appropriate that is for a 10yo.

Why wouldn't he be? They can brush their own teeth, bathe themselves, make a sandwich, wipe their own butts. What kinda kids are you over there raising?

Is that parenting to you???


I play games with them, talk to them, take them to friends' houses, help them with homework, remind them to do their chores, teach them to do things, and help them emotionally regulate. I also cook for them (they eat things besides sandwiches and ramen), I clean their sheets and towels, etc.

yes a 10-year old can keep themselves alive but it's pretty neglectful on the part of a parent to expect them to do that.

I agree.

You do know that while the 10yo is in school, she could clean the house and go to the gym right?

Is the 10yo currently in school?

Or is it summer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work as a fitness and nutrition coach, and I worked with a lot of SAHMs like your wife.

Lack of exercise is almost never about laziness. Most SAHMs have a long history of attempting to lose weight, work, etc. But they end up pulled in a million different directions - they want to work, but their H won’t handle half of the sick days or pickups. They want to work out, but society makes them feel guilty for not devoting that time to their families. They try to balance work and life by getting involved in things like MLMs, which are enticing because they promise you can make a ton of money while also raising kids full-time, but of course always fail.

After years of these “failures”, they lose all hope. Most of the time, their H’s are unsupportive, like you are. They see “my wife cannot run 30 minutes” rather than “wow, my wife is going to the gym every day, how awesome that she is doing something for herself and improving herself!” Improvement in health is a long, slow game, not a “be able to run a 5k in 8 weeks”.

Making things worse, they usually have to ask their husbands for permission to spend money on themselves. So you have a perfect storm of years of martyring, a husband who sees them as a failure, and who denies them access to the money and support that WILL help them thrive. They end up severely depressed and exactly like your W.

If you truly want to help her, be supportive. Don’t stress over the house and cooking - that will come. First, she needs to regain autonomy and control over her life. She needs to feel supported. Let her know you think it’s fantastic she’s going to the gym. Ask if she’d like to do personal training sessions and make it happen. Take an interest in her dreams - I promise you, she has them. Listen to what her dreams are and let her know you want to help her achieve them. She needs to re-discover herself and her identity.

Haven’t read all the replies but thank you for writing this. I needed to hear this today.

It really was such a thoughtful response, I hope the OP reads and considers the content. I bet the poster is a great coach/trainer!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work as a fitness and nutrition coach, and I worked with a lot of SAHMs like your wife.

Lack of exercise is almost never about laziness. Most SAHMs have a long history of attempting to lose weight, work, etc. But they end up pulled in a million different directions - they want to work, but their H won’t handle half of the sick days or pickups. They want to work out, but society makes them feel guilty for not devoting that time to their families. They try to balance work and life by getting involved in things like MLMs, which are enticing because they promise you can make a ton of money while also raising kids full-time, but of course always fail.

After years of these “failures”, they lose all hope. Most of the time, their H’s are unsupportive, like you are. They see “my wife cannot run 30 minutes” rather than “wow, my wife is going to the gym every day, how awesome that she is doing something for herself and improving herself!” Improvement in health is a long, slow game, not a “be able to run a 5k in 8 weeks”.

Making things worse, they usually have to ask their husbands for permission to spend money on themselves. So you have a perfect storm of years of martyring, a husband who sees them as a failure, and who denies them access to the money and support that WILL help them thrive. They end up severely depressed and exactly like your W.

If you truly want to help her, be supportive. Don’t stress over the house and cooking - that will come. First, she needs to regain autonomy and control over her life. She needs to feel supported. Let her know you think it’s fantastic she’s going to the gym. Ask if she’d like to do personal training sessions and make it happen. Take an interest in her dreams - I promise you, she has them. Listen to what her dreams are and let her know you want to help her achieve them. She needs to re-discover herself and her identity.

Thank you so much for this post. I have tears in my eyes. So easy to label people as lazy and messy without knowing anything of their personal struggles