My teen is obsessed with being diagnosed with ADD/ADHD/Austism and I am exhausted

[Anonymous]

We finally have an initial appointment with our pediatrician tomorrow and she is spun up about the fact that they might not find anything wrong, which to her means that they are not listening to her. It is a conversation that never, ever ends.

This is a smart kid, incredibly able to make conversation with peers and adults. She suffers from some lack of confidence, which I frankly find more concerning because she could excel at so many things.

She is also stubborn as h#L! and is bound and determined that she's going to be diagnosed with something. Part of this is from her therapist, or what she is perceiving that she is hearing from her therapist.

I want to be supportive, but if she would put as much energy into anything as she has put into this effort we would have terraformed Mars already.

She could be a little more organized and since she was a child she has resisted going into any activity where she has to start as a beginner - she wants to be perfect from the start. She gets A's and B's, has lots of friends and parents uniformly like her.

I love her SO much but as I said, this conversation JUST GOES ON.

[Anonymous]

She should be obsessed with getting diagnosed with anxiety and OCD. That’s where she is headed.

[Anonymous]

Get her off TikTok if you can. The ‘tism is all the rage there.

[Anonymous]

I hear you OP! Mine has cycled through thinking they would get an adhd, ocd and Tourette’s diagnosis. I wish there was a “you’re a teen living through a global pandemic “ diagnosis.
Our kids sound similar, mine definitely has generalized anxiety. Plus the pandemic thing.
This too shall pass op, we’ll get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP! Mine has cycled through thinking they would get an adhd, ocd and Tourette’s diagnosis. I wish there was a “you’re a teen living through a global pandemic “ diagnosis.
Our kids sound similar, mine definitely has generalized anxiety. Plus the pandemic thing.
This too shall pass op, we’ll get there.

Oh, and I will add…mine does not have tik tok or any social media. So that factor is a minimal as I can make it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She should be obsessed with getting diagnosed with anxiety and OCD. That’s where she is headed.

+1 and a pediatrician is not who I would seevfor an evaluation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should be obsessed with getting diagnosed with anxiety and OCD. That’s where she is headed.

+1 and a pediatrician is not who I would seevfor an evaluation.

+2

OP what do you know about ASD and ADHD? The things you mentioned certainly don’t rule out either, and lots of pediatricians miss those issues. I know lots of people are self-diagnosing these days because of social media, but often they are right!

Pediatricians often don’t correctly diagnose these issues. In fact I don’t think they should ever evaluate for ASD because that’s a complicated assessment that needs a really thorough evaluation.

It’s true that teenagers often like the attention that diagnoses bring so I’m not saying your kid is right about it all, but please do more research about what ASD and ADHD can look like in girls. There is lots of information on YouTube (like, hour-long power point presentations from researchers at universities, not TikTokers).

[Anonymous]

That sucks, op. You need to have her seen by a psychiatrist, though, who is more likely to pick up if there is a problem and less likely to be swayed by a tik tok generated symptoms. (Not knocking peds but this is bread and butter for a psychiatrist including the unreliable narrator aspect.)

[Anonymous]

As an adult woman with ADHD, a lot of women are identified late or not at all because it presents differently. There is a lot of content on TikTok that attributes everything to ADHD, but that takes away from a real issue. Don’t go with a pediatrician. Get a real neuropsychological exam. I used Cherry Tree in Arlington. I was valedictorian of my HS, went to a competitive college, and I’m a successful executive- but I still have ADHD and I still hide it from my mom even though I am in my 40s because she would brush it off and be dismissive.

So take her seriously and get her a real eval. If she does have ADHD, she should want to do things that help her like exercise, use caffeine responsibly, perhaps meditate. If she just wants an Rx for Adderall or Vyvanse to lose weight, you have a different issue on your hands.

Find someone (not a ped) who can help you untangle this. I was anorexic in HS and College - and later realized I was just seeking control because my head felt so out of control. Later when I went off ADHD meds, I gained a lot of weight. I thought it was because I didn’t have the stimulant meds - but it was me chasing the dopamine hit of crunchy foods whenever I was stressed. See? There are a lot of interconnected things and your daughter will have her own things she struggles with. Don’t brush her off - but also try to find a therapist to help parse out root issues.

[Anonymous]

Please go read on ADDItude what some common ADHD symptoms are in young women before you write her off.
Rejection sensitivity
Perfectionism
Difficulty starting or finishing tasks
Procrastination followed by hyperfocus
Being clumsy - bumping into things, not having sense of her body in space
Etc.

Maybe it’s TikTok, maybe it’s the pandemic, maybe it’s real.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I definitely agree with getting a neuropsych. Out of pocket they can be expensive but worth it because they typically write a really thorough report of strengths and weaknesses. Don't waste time with a pediatrician. Also, she might benefit from an ADHD life coach to help guide her through some of this organization stuff and helping her focus on what is important. That would take some of the pressure off of you.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think people aren't really getting your rant. Once you have acknowledged whatever it is she is obsessing on sympathetically it is perfectly okay to change the subject. If she doesn't get the hint just leave the room. Or give her a chore to do so she has to leave the room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think people aren't really getting your rant. Once you have acknowledged whatever it is she is obsessing on sympathetically it is perfectly okay to change the subject. If she doesn't get the hint just leave the room. Or give her a chore to do so she has to leave the room.

Well OP’s frustration is valid but I’ll tell you what, once your kid gets a diagnosis and you learn about the issue and finally understand what’s going on in their heads, it’s so, so much easier to deal with them. So I think it’s very likely that the best thing OP can do to get rid of her frustration is to get a neuropsych evaluation.

[Anonymous]

Part of ocd be obsessively seeking reassurance and the treatment largely involves not giving in to the imoulse. Tell her the professionals will evaluate her and you understand her concerns but talking abt the same things over and over could actually make it worse if it is ocd so in the future you will be planning to offer a brief check in but otherwise not going to engage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think people aren't really getting your rant. Once you have acknowledged whatever it is she is obsessing on sympathetically it is perfectly okay to change the subject. If she doesn't get the hint just leave the room. Or give her a chore to do so she has to leave the room.

Well OP’s frustration is valid but I’ll tell you what, once your kid gets a diagnosis and you learn about the issue and finally understand what’s going on in their heads, it’s so, so much easier to deal with them. So I think it’s very likely that the best thing OP can do to get rid of her frustration is to get a neuropsych evaluation.

I don't disagree with the advice about the neuropsych eval, but, DD will likely just keep obsessing about something after it. This is her personality (and maybe a symptom of a disorder). Doesn't mean OP has to listen/discuss it all the time. Do you have a kid like this? Sometimes they literally have to be told to shut up (in a nicer way of course). It is a teaching moment.