Men: Is it ever okay for a woman to initiate anything in the early stages of dating?

[Anonymous]

Particularly asking straight men, 30+

Are there any situations when a woman should initiate anything, whether asking on a 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 4th date, or any interaction early on in dating, or any indication of progressing into dating/exclusivity/relationship?

Does any kind of “nudge” EVER increase your interest or enable a woman to stand out from other options, or does it push you away? Should the woman always sit tight and wait to be pursued?

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe in the year 2022 this is even a question for adults 30+. Please feel free to communicate your thoughts, desires, feelings…

[Anonymous]

I’m absolutely SHOCKED you are still single.

[Anonymous]

This has to be troll.

[Anonymous]

Don't do shit. Let them do it.

[Anonymous]

Some men want an OUTWARDLY docile subservient women, so they will never have a girlfriend/wife relationship with a woman who takes the initiative, but will have no issue hooking up with her. Some men feel if an American woman is outgoing or friendly, she MUST be a slut, particularly if she is attractive.
Don't try to figure out what is "right". Just be yourself.

[Anonymous]

In a post me too world I think it's nice to know my attention is wanted. So ladies you could basically grab me by my dick and bring me home... back in my single days that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a post me too world I think it's nice to know my attention is wanted. So ladies you could basically grab me by my dick and bring me home... back in my single days that is.

Man here. This. Also when I'm dating women 30+, I expect them to know what they want. 20 year olds can be indecisive but women over 30 have matured enough that this should not be the case.

[Anonymous]

I asked my husband out on our first date. He was too shy to do it but was interested. We were both in our 30s.

[Anonymous]

I know men will say they want a woman who takes initiative, but in my experience, a man who won’t put in that effort himself just isn’t that into you. They’ll sleep with you and maybe fall into a relationship with you, but long term, they’re not going to put in much effort. You gotta make men work for it for them to appreciate it. Which doesn’t mean playing hard to get or being aloof, it just means reading the situation and not falling into the trap of doing most of the heavy lifting.

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know men will say they want a woman who takes initiative, but in my experience, a man who won’t put in that effort himself just isn’t that into you. They’ll sleep with you and maybe fall into a relationship with you, but long term, they’re not going to put in much effort. You gotta make men work for it for them to appreciate it. Which doesn’t mean playing hard to get or being aloof, it just means reading the situation and not falling into the trap of doing most of the heavy lifting.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Particularly asking straight men, 30+

Are there any situations when a woman should initiate anything, whether asking on a 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 4th date, or any interaction early on in dating, or any indication of progressing into dating/exclusivity/relationship?

Does any kind of “nudge” EVER increase your interest or enable a woman to stand out from other options, or does it push you away? Should the woman always sit tight and wait to be pursued?

Now days you better take the initiative. Most normal guys have seen or heard the #metoo stuff and do not want to do anything that can be misinterpreted. It translates to a lot more passivity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know men will say they want a woman who takes initiative, but in my experience, a man who won’t put in that effort himself just isn’t that into you. They’ll sleep with you and maybe fall into a relationship with you, but long term, they’re not going to put in much effort. You gotta make men work for it for them to appreciate it. Which doesn’t mean playing hard to get or being aloof, it just means reading the situation and not falling into the trap of doing most of the heavy lifting.

I agree a woman shouldn't do most of the heavy lifting But that doesn't mean she can't ask the guy on a date or initiate sex. She could ask the guy on a date. If after the date the guy doesn't reciprocate, or show definite interest, and do some of the "heavy lifting" she could move on.

Same thing with sex. She could wait a few dates/months/whatever makes her comfortable. If she's ready to have sex and the guy hasn't made a move she could initiate. If he all of sudden changes his attitude/behavior after she made the first move, she can move on and she is fortunate to be done with him.


My wife sort of made the first move in the sense she introduced herself to me about a school related issue. We've been married 20 years. Although things have been rocky of late, it has nothing to do with her failing to make me "work for it."

[Anonymous]

Yes, of course. I would think in this day and age, it's even more welcome for those men who are afraid of making an unwanted move.