Would you let your kid transfer colleges a second time?

[Anonymous]

Long story short, my child transferred colleges (started at an SLAC), seriously regrets doing so (and we regret allowing it) and is considering coming home and finishing up at a local state school while living at home. Has anyone’s child done something similar?

[Anonymous]

I would allow it but I'd be concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would allow it but I'd be concerned.

OP here. DC is also considering taking time off to work, but I worry they’ll never go back if they do.

[Anonymous]

What year is he?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What year is he?

OP here. Sophomore (she).

[Anonymous]

OK, she is having trouble for whatever reasons (emotional, social, learning differences) and in this scenario I would be absolutely 100% enthusiastic about her coming home to live and go to state school. That way, she has her support system and still gets her degree.

Are you focused on her "success" rather than her well being? Those are linked, you know!! Or, maybe you are thinking she is too impulsive, makes too many decisions like this. ADHD??

In any case, I would want my child with me, because it seems clear she isn't OK, and needs understanding and support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would allow it but I'd be concerned.

OP here. DC is also considering taking time off to work, but I worry they’ll never go back if they do.

I wouldn't agree to that. Why are they unhappy? Can you get tutors? Therapist? Visit?

[Anonymous]

At worst, you are status obsessed (she went from SLAC to lesser-than), controlling ("should I 'let' her") and really, I wonder if you are a support or a purse.

[Anonymous]

Year 1: SLAC
Year 2: ?
Year 3: Home to attend local state school

Do I have this right? I would allow, but would be concerned. Do you have any insight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At worst, you are status obsessed (she went from SLAC to lesser-than), controlling ("should I 'let' her") and really, I wonder if you are a support or a purse.

I don’t see that from OP’s post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Year 1: SLAC
Year 2: ?
Year 3: Home to attend local state school

Do I have this right? I would allow, but would be concerned. Do you have any insight? [/quote

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would allow it but I'd be concerned.

OP here. DC is also considering taking time off to work, but I worry they’ll never go back if they do.

I wouldn't agree to that. Why are they unhappy? Can you get tutors? Therapist? Visit?

OP here. DC is doing okay (above a 3.4) academically, but she had no idea what a nightmare the housing climate would be in the town. Turns out we didn’t do our research and it’s a really wealthy, expensive suburban town where you have to find your own rentals. DC has always had severe sensory issues that have been exacerbated, and basically DC is too, I don’t know how to say this, fragile to deal with having to find housing in this way. DC basically needs to either live alone in a quiet area or in our house.

DC is also experiencing extreme homesickness.

[Anonymous]

I would allow, even encourage, it, but I would also push hard for mental health treatment.

[Anonymous]

Not to harp on you OP, but students always have to find their own rentals for themselves. Who else would do it? Should we assume she cannot stay in the dorm? Can you help her find a rental? Can you travel to see her and check out a few apartments with her? If this is all too overwhelming for her, bring her home. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, my child transferred colleges (started at an SLAC), seriously regrets doing so (and we regret allowing it) and is considering coming home and finishing up at a local state school while living at home. Has anyone’s child done something similar?

I think coming home, living at home and finishing up at a local school would be my choice - for a second transfer.