Am I the only one who never gets away?

[Anonymous]

All of my friends have been going on trips without their kids lately - with their partner/SO or even groups of couples. We have been invited to a few and I desperately want to go, but we have no one who could watch our kids for a few days. All of our friends have family support, which unfortunately isn’t an option for us since neither set of parents is up to it for a variety of reasons, and they don’t live close by regardless.

We do have an amazing nanny, but she has kids of her own and doesn’t really want to work on weekends. My kids are 2 and 5 and don’t love new sitters, so don’t think finding someone random would go over that well really, but I guess it’s our only option if we ever want to get away.

Is anyone else in this same boat? It feels like we are the only ones. DH and I haven’t had a single night alone in over 3 years - we went on one trip when our older child was 2 and left her with my mom, but that isn’t an option anymore.

[Anonymous]

This was us when our kids were young. It was REALLY hard. Eventually we did find a little village, and now we are lucky that we can occasionally send the kids to a neighbors house for an evening while we go out. But we are resigned to vacations with the kids at places with kids clubs for the foreseeable future as we don't have anyone to leave them with for long periods. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Dh and I each went to a hotel by ourselves after we got our boosters.

[Anonymous]

No, you're definitely not the only one. DH and I haven't had a night alone without our kid since before Covid (Dec. 2019) and that was literally one quick getaway to Richmond. We had a friend's nanny (whom we know well) stay as an overnight babysitter. But honestly, we just do pretty much everything as a family unit during this young child period. I think it's probably more the norm than getting away regularly as a solo couple, honestly. I don't remember my parents ever going away when I was young and leaving us with grandparents, unless you count the night my little brother was born.

[Anonymous]

Can you get your mom to visit and have her supervise a new sitter while the new sitter stays at your house? Have the new sitter come every weekend for a month - during the day so they can get used to her?

Do you have any siblings that could supervise a sitter?

[Anonymous]

Talk to your nanny. She may not love working weekends, but she might be open to it given the right setup (having her kids stay at your house or your kids stay at her house) or just given the right price.

Alternatively, look for a regular weekend sitter and start training her. Have her come every Saturday afternoon for a few months and before you know it kids will know her well enough for her to keep them for 48 hours.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 4,3, and 8mo….after 4 years of basically never doing anything bc I didn’t feel like a random babysitter would go over well, I finally realized I needed to make it not “random”. So every other sat night we have a standing sitter and it’s been great - bc she’s not the regular nanny who has to hold the line, she can be SUPER EXCITING PERSON WHO BRINGS TREATS AND EXTRA SCREENTIME and we can go be adults without kids in tow. We haven’t used her for a weekend but I think the kids would be totally fine with it now that she’s a regular enough mix in their lives.

It’s obviously pricy to have a 2x a month sitter but if you have swing it it’s so worth it to not feel like any time you want to go out it’s going to be a miserable experience for the kids with someone random so not worth even bothering

[Anonymous]

No, you’re not alone, especially during covid.

In six years you can send them to summer camp! Or maybe they will have friends they can have sleepovers with. For now, just hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Our first weekend away was when kids were 4, 7, and 9. Before that, it was our baby moon when I was pregnant with the first.

It’s normal. But you can also change it if you want to - I just didn’t care enough or have enough money to do it well.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 7 and 5. Husband and I have never gone away together since our oldest was born. I don’t have a good relationship with my parents and have no other family nearby. My MIL and FIL have health issues that make it too difficult for them to watch the kids and my husband only sibling lives in another country. We have friends and maybe could ask one of them to take the kids overnight but I think if we asked for a whole weekend that would be too much (they all have young kids too and no one were very close w…more distant/casual friends especially since the pandemic.)

I know we could find a babysitter but we don’t currently have one so it would take some effort to find someone and build up that relationship enough to the point we’d be comfortable leaving the kids w them while we’re out of town.

We have both gone away on trips by ourselves (I went out of state to a couple friends’ weddings; he went to his high school reunion, etc)

[Anonymous]

We travel once a year on average. There are weekend trips, or mini-breaks, or anything in between. Most of our travel is to see our families across the world.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 11 and 8, and I’ve been away with DH twice. One for a wedding and once for a funeral. It cost about $1000 each time for the nanny to stay.

[Anonymous]

You are not the only one.

Our first night away was when the kids were 4, 7 and 9 because I had to take DH to the emergency room. It's been 4 years since then and we haven't gotten another night away - I think I need to work on this...

[Anonymous]

You are not the only ones. My in laws are close but too old and my parents are not close and sandwiched (I have a disabled sibling and an increasingly confused grandmother). We have no nanny. We are interviewing high school and college students for occasional babysitting, but I don't see overnight trips without the kids being in our future while they are young.

[Anonymous]

You are not alone. People who have family help have no idea.