If you have several kids, how did you introduce chores for the oldest
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Anonymous
| My oldest (4) helps with things when asked but doesn’t have any standing chores. He’s about to turn 5 and I’d like to make it “5yos get these privileges and these responsibilities!” (I think? Open to other ideas) but I’m sure the immediate pushback will be but the other kids don’t have to do these things. I don’t want to constantly be fighting over it or him feeling like this is a negative experience. Any particular way you introduced it that went well? Any good first chores for a 5yo (beyond self care and picking up own toys and plate. We don’t have any pets) |
Anonymous
| Give the others chores too. A three-year old can empty wastebaskets, carry utensils to the table, and help load the washer/push the buttons/move clothes to dryer and start it (presuming a front-load washer and a load of dryer-friendly items). A two-year old can hold the dustpan while you sweep, take a baby wipe to baseboards and window sills, and push a swiffer around. (Not well, but that’s not the point.) Younger than that? Give them some socks to wave around while you sort and fold laundry. Or have them help you find a red shirt, blue towel, etc. |
Anonymous
| Well the reality is that fair doesn’t always mean equal. My oldest has profound disabilities and will literally never be able to do a chore. Her younger sibling has had regular chores since she was four. I definitely think you can model the younger kids “helping” with chores. But your four year old will simply have to be reminded that the younger kids will do more as they grow up. |
Anonymous
I will also add that a good chore at age 4 was putting laundry away. She had a lower bar in her closet so she could hang things and put all the stuff in drawers away. |
Anonymous
+10000 |
Anonymous
They all currently help a lot with the things like you mentioned but it’s more as it happens vs “this is formally your responsibility”. I don’t want to get into a power struggle with my two year old trying to make him clear the table on nights he doesn’t feel like it, but I do want the 5yo to more formally have some things that are his job whether he likes it or not |
Anonymous
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Do it all simultaneously and know that each kid will need more or less help from you. Then you will get them competing and showing off the "by myself-ness" of their superior chore-doing abilities.
Agree with not making it a command or assignment, just a thing that gets done every day and everyone does, just like eating and getting dressed. |
Anonymous
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Also, though, it's just a good time to learn that your kids will not be treated the same way at every stage. Some may get more or less chores, some get earlier or later bedtimes, some get other things -like using the legos or being alone in basement or whatever.
It's important your kids learn not every single thing will be the same/equal at every juncture. |
Anonymous
| It's fine to say your 5 year old must do this - he is five. Tell him when the 2 year old is five, they will get appropriate chores as well. |
Anonymous
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It wasn't some formal thing. If you want to be excused from the table before the adults are, you have to take your plate (and silverware, napkin and glass) to the sink, scrape your plate into the compost bin with the napkin and put everything next to the sink. If you want to play or leave the house, you must have straightened out your bed and pillows and put your dirty clothes away. If you want the privilege of picking out tomorrow's clothes, then you'd better have put today's dirty clothes away where they go.
But in general we talk about everyone helping to run the household and keep things moving. Everyone is part of the household, so everyone helps. It's that simple. |
Anonymous
| Assign 5 year old chores. If he complains or asks why don’t the others have them, simply tell him he didn’t have chores either when he was 2 or 3 or 4 and that the others will continue helping just like they’re doing now and get chores when they’re 5 too. Good time to lay basis that everyone has more responsibilities and things they have to do as they get older, but not everything will always be equal. |
Anonymous
| I just ask for help. Mostly it's with laundry and clearing the table. The 2.5 year old carries her stuff back to the kitchen, but it's all non-breakable. Occasionally she spills something, no big deal. They also know they have to make their beds in the morning, and clean up the playroom before watching cartoons after dinner (ya, ya, allowing screen time before bad will send them directly to a correctional facility, I have been advised by DCUM already; but at least their beds there will be neat). |
Anonymous
| I plan to try to push chores as service to your future self and try to lead with ones that resonate that way. So idk, if the kid loves to picks out her own clothes, maybe the chore is putting them away neatly. And then every time we go to pick them out, it’s “it’s so great that we did our chore of putting away the clothes and now picking them out will be more fun.” Idk if it will work though. Or cooking and cleaning the kitchen, etc. |