How to teach children not to feel ashamed due to stigma attached to your religion?

[Anonymous]

Most of us follow the religion we are born into and try to pick good teachings which resonate with us. However, following religions with billions of followers, you don’t have any say in other followers doing good or bad things. This makes it quite difficult for children (specially ones living in places where they are minority) to deal with the stigma which comes with it. People hating you for no fault of your own, how do you teach children to do their own thing, not be sensitive of what anyone says and not have to feel the responsibility to defend your religion? I think Jews, Muslims, Mormons, Baptists and Scientologist and many others can relate to it at varying degree so would like to hear their perspectives. A new parent ask me this question and I didn’t have a good answer. It seems most children become atheists because most adults doesn’t have enough knowledge to give satisfactory answers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of us follow the religion we are born into and try to pick good teachings which resonate with us. However, following religions with billions of followers, you don’t have any say in other followers doing good or bad things. This makes it quite difficult for children (specially ones living in places where they are minority) to deal with the stigma which comes with it. People hating you for no fault of your own, how do you teach children to do their own thing, not be sensitive of what anyone says and not have to feel the responsibility to defend your religion? I think Jews, Muslims, Mormons, Baptists and Scientologist and many others can relate to it at varying degree so would like to hear their perspectives. A new parent ask me this question and I didn’t have a good answer. It seems most children become atheists because most adults doesn’t have enough knowledge to give satisfactory answers.[/quote]

Maybe it's not the parents' fault that they cannot give their children satisfactory answers about religion. Maybe there are no satisfactory answers. People become atheists on their own. Some people never accept religion, even as children. Others change their minds about religion as adults, unrelated to anything about their parents.

And I think your original premise may not be accurate -- it may not be true that "most of us follow the religion we are born into and try to pick good teachings which resonate with us." Lots of people change religions when they become adults, or leave religion entirely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of us follow the religion we are born into and try to pick good teachings which resonate with us. However, following religions with billions of followers, you don’t have any say in other followers doing good or bad things. This makes it quite difficult for children (specially ones living in places where they are minority) to deal with the stigma which comes with it. People hating you for no fault of your own, how do you teach children to do their own thing, not be sensitive of what anyone says and not have to feel the responsibility to defend your religion? I think Jews, Muslims, Mormons, Baptists and Scientologist and many others can relate to it at varying degree so would like to hear their perspectives. A new parent ask me this question and I didn’t have a good answer. It seems most children become atheists because most adults doesn’t have enough knowledge to give satisfactory answers.

Maybe it's not the parents' fault that they cannot give their children satisfactory answers about religion. Maybe there are no satisfactory answers. People become atheists on their own. Some people never accept religion, even as children. Others change their minds about religion as adults, unrelated to anything about their parents.

And I think your original premise may not be accurate -- it may not be true that "most of us follow the religion we are born into and try to pick good teachings which resonate with us." Lots of people change religions when they become adults, or leave religion entirely.

[Anonymous]

Are you asking, "How do I control my children so that they stay in my religion?"

How old are your children? I have some tips

[Anonymous]

To be fair, there is no perfect organized religion out there so no rational reason to feel ashamed or superior for having one or the other or none at all. Just do all the good you can and ignore people who like to play judge and jury to feel better about themselves. They deserve your pity, its not like judging others makes life any easier for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you asking, "How do I control my children so that they stay in my religion?"

This and “how do I do that when my religion has done horrible things that my children know about?”

[Anonymous]

How is the topic of every thread here, no matter the title, end up “religion is bad?”

[Anonymous]

I suggest Marlon Bundo the picture book. The message is that everyone is different and that different is special. Different is totally okay! We use it to talk about all sorts of things with my kids. If they meet someone whose religion is different from ours, they know those individuals are not bad or heretical but different from how we worship. And as they say in Marlon Bundo: different is special!

[Anonymous]

What’s wrong with children becoming atheists?

[Anonymous]

Please don’t lump Scientology with those other legitimate religions- all have their faults for sure but Scientology blackmails its members into staying in the “church”. It’s not a religion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of us follow the religion we are born into and try to pick good teachings which resonate with us. However, following religions with billions of followers, you don’t have any say in other followers doing good or bad things. This makes it quite difficult for children (specially ones living in places where they are minority) to deal with the stigma which comes with it. People hating you for no fault of your own, how do you teach children to do their own thing, not be sensitive of what anyone says and not have to feel the responsibility to defend your religion? I think Jews, Muslims, Mormons, Baptists and Scientologist and many others can relate to it at varying degree so would like to hear their perspectives. A new parent ask me this question and I didn’t have a good answer. It seems most children become atheists because most adults doesn’t have enough knowledge to give satisfactory answers.

There is no good answer; it's impossible. I take it you insist they be identified as members of your religion and not just "pass" as secular Americans like most of us? I've never in my life been required to state my religion to anyone.

[Anonymous]

First, look at the elements about your religion that embarrass your child.

Then, be honest with yourself. Are there justifiable reasons to be ashamed of any of these? Does your religion teach that your god condemns people who are gay, people who don’t practice your religion/practice other religions, people exercising their legal rights regarding family planning and reproductive rights? Does your religion teach that everyone except a chosen few is going to hell?

If the answer to any in the second paragraph is ‘yes’, you seem to have raised an intelligent, ethically minded child who is a better person than you.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I'm still stuck on your equating Judaism and Islam with Scientology.

What religion is embarrassing your children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I'm still stuck on your equating Judaism and Islam with Scientology.

What religion is embarrassing your children?

I'm just reading between the lines here, but there are only three religions with "billions of followers" so the OP has to be talking about Christianity, Islam or Hinduism. And I'm pretty sure no one cares if you're Christian or Hindu. So that leaves one. And there are indicia like apparel etc. that would indicate someone as belonging to this religion. And the rest of the factys given fit as well. I have no good advice to the OP.

[Anonymous]

Its fine when they grow up and decide if they care for it or not but religious side of parenting children can be confusing for all parents, specially if they are a minority. Many dilemmas come up like, do you yourself believe it or just following it for the family or culture, should you teach it to children, should you teach selective aspects which you understand, should you raise kids with no religion and let them pick one when they are older etc. Parenting is tough.