Immigrant parents

[Anonymous]

Question for those of you who have parents who immigrated to the US but now they are at the age where their parents (gradparents) are getting older/sick and they are flying/half living back in the country where they were born. Anyone experiencing this in their family? Is this normal?

[Anonymous]

Lots of retired Indian folks do this, totally normal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of retired Indian folks do this, totally normal

. Why

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of retired Indian folks do this, totally normal

. Why

How else will they be able to take care of their own parents? The care and medical support is by orders of magnitude cheaper there, I assume there is also additional family for help. It would be prohibitively expensive and involve lots of paperwork to fly the grandparents to the US and take care of them here at the end of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of retired Indian folks do this, totally normal

. Why

DP. Did you miss the part about the parents back home getting older or ill? You don't just forget your family when you move out of the country.

Would you not be visiting your parents that might not be living much longer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question for those of you who have parents who immigrated to the US but now they are at the age where their parents (gradparents) are getting older/sick and they are flying/half living back in the country where they were born. Anyone experiencing this in their family? Is this normal?

No. State and other relative take care of the parents. I don't need to fly there for everything. They most likely will go fast when it's time to go becuse they some and drink too much. No need to rush there when someone is dead. They can sit in a jar and wait til I have time to bury them or have other people do it. We haven't put such burden on younger generation for a long time. Time to go, time to go. State will take them to old people's house and you just hope for the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for those of you who have parents who immigrated to the US but now they are at the age where their parents (gradparents) are getting older/sick and they are flying/half living back in the country where they were born. Anyone experiencing this in their family? Is this normal?

No. State and other relative take care of the parents. I don't need to fly there for everything. They most likely will go fast when it's time to go becuse they some and drink too much. No need to rush there when someone is dead. They can sit in a jar and wait til I have time to bury them or have other people do it. We haven't put such burden on younger generation for a long time. Time to go, time to go. State will take them to old people's house and you just hope for the best.

Wow, I don't know how I feel about your response. I think I would at least be a little concerened how they were being treated and if everything was OK??? But yeah, it seems like such a burden.

[Anonymous]

It’s been a few years but both of my grandparents passed away in their home country (they spent much of their adult life in the US,
split their time after retirement but moved back for the lat few years of their life). They had been ill for just a few months before they passed away. My dad’s sister had the most flexibility and took care of them towards the end. My dad financed their care and covered his sisters expenses (he is not wealthy or anything…..we just come from a culture where the eldest son is expected to do these things).

It’s pretty normal for our culture that a child take care of the older person back there….or if not, arrange for a cousin or someone to take care of them full time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for those of you who have parents who immigrated to the US but now they are at the age where their parents (gradparents) are getting older/sick and they are flying/half living back in the country where they were born. Anyone experiencing this in their family? Is this normal?

No. State and other relative take care of the parents. I don't need to fly there for everything. They most likely will go fast when it's time to go becuse they some and drink too much. No need to rush there when someone is dead. They can sit in a jar and wait til I have time to bury them or have other people do it. We haven't put such burden on younger generation for a long time. Time to go, time to go. State will take them to old people's house and you just hope for the best.

Where is this that the “state” will take care of them? You sound callous and selfish.

[Anonymous]

I will be in this situation. My life is here, but I am the only child of aging parents in Europe. I will have to arrange for care, and go check on them, since you can't trust anyone to look for the elderly for long periods of time. Besides, they love me very much, and I owe it to them.

None of my relatives have ever done this. My immigrant father did not travel to visit his parents across the world, because his sisters took care of them, and my husband doesn't either because his brothers live in Europe and take care of my MIL. So I'll be the first in both families to travel back and forth. Not looking forward to it!!!

[Anonymous]

My parents increased their visits to their home country as their parents aged and we brought one of my grandparents to the U.S. for medical care at one point, but no, they did not go back to live in their home country. They do have a handful of friends that did this, but as those friends aged (they are now all in their late 70s), they have come back to the U.S. as medical care is better and more comfortable here (and in fact, most came back to the U.S. as soon as they could after March 2020).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of retired Indian folks do this, totally normal

Excellent, relatively affordable health care and family support. My relatives in India are able to hire round the clock nurses and aides at home. Doctors will accommodate patients at short notice and do house calls. People will come to your doorstep to collect samples for labs. You can go order yourself any test you want as long as you pay. The only thing is that you need to establish a trustworthy network but once you do that you’re set.

[Anonymous]

If they don’t have any siblings there, they may have to go often but most who lived here for 30-40 years, find it difficult to move back as they are practically strangers to their birth towns by now.

[Anonymous]

No. They’ve changed. Their hometowns have changed. Its not easy to immigrate back at this age. Their lives are here in their adopted hometowns.

[Anonymous]

IME the ones who go back are those who have maintained close ties to their hometowns and relatives over the years, so it’s not strange to eventually move back. It is very difficult to suddenly beam into town after decades away.