How soon is too soon

[Anonymous]

Guy who claims to be looking for LTR is clearly very turned on and into me. Texting innuendoes, good morning/good night, calls/zooms often, etc. Assuming I do not want him to consider me a whore, even though I can be and he would clearly like to see that side of me, how long to hold out for sex that I am also looking forward to? So far we have only been out and kissed once, but intensely, and the force is strong in this one. And in me.

[Anonymous]

You already know the asnwer but ok, it's fine with me. Just do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You already know the asnwer but ok, it's fine with me. Just do it.

LOL thanks for there permission I'm not seeking -- really curious more as a matter of opinion and the impression I would create.

[Anonymous]

The longer you hold out the more you will get to see if he’s right. If you really want a LTR and you aren’t sure if he’s a player, try a month. You can make out in between.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The longer you hold out the more you will get to see if he’s right. If you really want a LTR and you aren’t sure if he’s a player, try a month. You can make out in between.

That’s the thing. As soon as I sleep with him it will become a sexfest, and so much more difficult to determine long term compatibility. But I mean, I’ll be shocked if we are not at least sexually compatible. My question is about everything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The longer you hold out the more you will get to see if he’s right. If you really want a LTR and you aren’t sure if he’s a player, try a month. You can make out in between.

Personally I find it very hard to stop escalating when making out with someone I already know I want to sleep with.

[Anonymous]

As soon as I sleep with him it will become a sexfest, and so much more difficult to determine long term compatibility.

It’s not an either/or. Look, if you want him to keep seeing you, make it fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The longer you hold out the more you will get to see if he’s right. If you really want a LTR and you aren’t sure if he’s a player, try a month. You can make out in between.

That’s the thing. As soon as I sleep with him it will become a sexfest, and so much more difficult to determine long term compatibility. But I mean, I’ll be shocked if we are not at least sexually compatible. My question is about everything else.

Well, since you have the chemistry you should see if there’s any substance there. Ask the tough questions and be yourself — no hiding or playing. If he’s genuinely interested you will get to see different facets that will make the intimacy that much better when it happens.

If you don’t have a lot to talk about and it’s just make out all the time, that will also tell you something. It should be at least as fun to talk to him as to hook up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The longer you hold out the more you will get to see if he’s right. If you really want a LTR and you aren’t sure if he’s a player, try a month. You can make out in between.

That’s the thing. As soon as I sleep with him it will become a sexfest, and so much more difficult to determine long term compatibility. But I mean, I’ll be shocked if we are not at least sexually compatible. My question is about everything else.

Well, since you have the chemistry you should see if there’s any substance there. Ask the tough questions and be yourself — no hiding or playing. If he’s genuinely interested you will get to see different facets that will make the intimacy that much better when it happens.

If you don’t have a lot to talk about and it’s just make out all the time, that will also tell you something. It should be at least as fun to talk to him as to hook up.

So far we have talked far more than we have hooked up. But, it’s so early that there’s plenty to talk about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You already know the asnwer but ok, it's fine with me. Just do it.

LOL thanks for there permission I'm not seeking -- really curious more as a matter of opinion and the impression I would create.

Impression with who?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You already know the asnwer but ok, it's fine with me. Just do it.

LOL thanks for there permission I'm not seeking -- really curious more as a matter of opinion and the impression I would create.

Impression with who?

Him, silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The longer you hold out the more you will get to see if he’s right. If you really want a LTR and you aren’t sure if he’s a player, try a month. You can make out in between.

That’s the thing. As soon as I sleep with him it will become a sexfest, and so much more difficult to determine long term compatibility. But I mean, I’ll be shocked if we are not at least sexually compatible. My question is about everything else.

NP. Look at your own reply, above. If you are interested in an LTR, you already know the answer here. You've had only one date. Sex now or soon will indeed make that long-term compatibility harder to gauge -- you say so yourself! So if you are really interested in an LTR, well, wait. Find things to do together like outings where you aren't going to each others' places so there's less opportunity to fall into bed and more opportunity to see what he's like as a person and whether you have stuff in common besides sexual compatibility. You already know the answer and what to do IF you are pursuing a potential LTR but honestly the post kind of smacks of "I want to have sex with him and will because, ha, I CAN be a whore, I just don't want him to THINK I'm one!" (So...how serious are you about an LTR? Serious enough to hold off and tell him you both need to cool your jets and slow down?

Or are you looking for that magic formula along the lines of "If you haven't had sex with him by the third date/fourth date/whatever, he will bail on you and assume you aren't interested" --?

You can find plenty of people who will post these supposedly unassailable number formulas here if that's what you are seeking. But why crowdsource this when you know already that sex will end up making it much more difficult if you are interested in a LTR with compatibility beyond sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You already know the asnwer but ok, it's fine with me. Just do it.

LOL thanks for there permission I'm not seeking -- really curious more as a matter of opinion and the impression I would create.

Impression with who?

Him, silly.

You know him better than we do!! What kind of person is he? What kind of impression do you think it will make? Do you want a LTR?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The longer you hold out the more you will get to see if he’s right. If you really want a LTR and you aren’t sure if he’s a player, try a month. You can make out in between.

That’s the thing. As soon as I sleep with him it will become a sexfest, and so much more difficult to determine long term compatibility. But I mean, I’ll be shocked if we are not at least sexually compatible. My question is about everything else.

What is the point in playing games?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You already know the asnwer but ok, it's fine with me. Just do it.

LOL thanks for there permission I'm not seeking -- really curious more as a matter of opinion and the impression I would create.

Impression with who?

Him, silly.

Well, unless he's hanging out the DCUM relationships forum, no one else here can read his mind and clue you in on his impressions.

If you can't communicate with him well enough to tell him you want to move slowly, well, maybe you're not compatible anyway.

Use your words. We don't know what impression he would get. Whatever you read here will just be strangers blathering about their own experiences. Not yours. Not his.