If you have three and the first two were close together in age...

[Anonymous]

How long did you wait to have the third? And how do you feel about the age gap (between #2 and #3)? Do you wish it was different? Pros/cons?

I'm specifically looking for people whose first two were less than two years apart, and who generally felt good about that gap for the first two.

If you could give a short description of your overall parenting style, at least for littles, that would help, too (schedule driven, go with the flow, attachment, etc)

[Anonymous]

My first two were accidents, and they are three years apart. Well, three years and three months. #3 was born when #1 was nine years old. #4 was born when #1 was 12 years old.

It wasn't so much about creating the age gap, but being in a different place in my life, wanting more kids, being available and capable of having them, etc.

With the first two I was a teenager so that's what my parenting style was: survive it. For the second two I was very crunchy. Nursed, baby wearing, no screens, cosleep, etc.

[Anonymous]

First two are exactly two years apart. Child three followed 3.5 years later. Much prefer the 3.5 year gap. Everything was just so much easier, even given that then there were 2 children instead of 3.

The younger two children are closer (in the bonded sense) than the older two despite the larger age difference.

[Anonymous]

First two were 21 months apart, then almost 4 years between the second and third. I think it has worked out really well.

[Anonymous]

First two were 15 months apart. We started trying for #3 when second was a year old. I had a miscarriage and am now pregnant with number 3. If it sticks the second two will be 2.5 years apart.

We love having them close in age. I want to go through stages all together. I don't want to go back to diapers and naps once we're done. And I want them to be into the same stuff. Time also isn't on our side since DH is 40.

[Anonymous]

PP here. I am a very relaxed and go with the flow parent. I just easily brought the third with me to all the older kids activities, and did not mind missing naps or nursing on the go etc.

[Anonymous]

I have two boys 22 months apart and my third (a girl) is 3.5 years younger than the middle child. I wasn't ready to commit to a third sooner than I did. I think the third will be a little less close with the other two and am happy she's a girl so it feels like less of a third wheel situation, but they're all still young so we'll see. I'm happy so far. The older two are great at playing together now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two boys 22 months apart and my third (a girl) is 3.5 years younger than the middle child. I wasn't ready to commit to a third sooner than I did. I think the third will be a little less close with the other two and am happy she's a girl so it feels like less of a third wheel situation, but they're all still young so we'll see. I'm happy so far. The older two are great at playing together now.

^ sorry, posted too soon. I'm fairly go with the flow, but I'm still on leave - we'll see how it goes when I'm back at work. I'm fairly type A but not hung up on tigering the kids. I breastfeed but supplement with formula when I feel like it to avoid pumping.

[Anonymous]

My cousin's first two were close in age and close in general. She felt bad for number 3 (three years behind) and decided to have a 4th so they would have a play pal, too.

[Anonymous]

First 2 were 21mo and 3rd was 2.5years after second. A little more spacing is so much easier - the 2.5yr could be left alone for a minute, could communicate his needs, could be entertained by screens for a feed etc. If anything it made me wish my first 2 weren’t so close. Because of time of year, they will be spaced 2 grades apart

[Anonymous]

I have 2 boys 2 years apart. We had a daughter 5 years later and I absolutely love our age gap.

I had her when my second was in kindergarten. I was able to spend quality time with the baby when big brothers were in school.

[Anonymous]

First two are 23 months apart, and second and third are 2.5 years apart. We would have had the third sooner, but I switched jobs and wanted FMLA access. I prefer the shorter gap, but our third is still very much part of the crew (kids are now 10, 8, and almost 6).

As for parenting style, we’re a mix. We prioritize sleep more than most families I know, and were slaves to naps, sleep trained, etc. I’m a psychologist (trained in attachment theory) and so I’m also huge on closeness and comfort, predictability, etc. Whole Brain Child and No Drama Discipline are my preferred parenting books, though I came to them later than I would have liked. We strive to be authoritative: warm, loving, supportive, and with high expectations. For the young kids, that translates to lots of comfort, empathy, and prevention of situations that make it tough for them (e.g., being rigid about the kids getting good sleep).

I *love* having three. They’re definitely a pack of kids and it’s so fun. Work, yes, but terrific.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 22, 20 and 8. The 8 y.o. was the now or never at 40. Lots of things were happening in my 30s, and for years it felt like if we wait another 6 months, it's going to get better, but it never did.

As far as parenting style, there was no style with #3. She went where we had to go with the other two. She basically lived on the go. Now she is like an only and is finally getting all the attention.

[Anonymous]

I have two daughters 25 months apart and a boy 3 years and 4 months younger than my second. We were overwhelmed with the first 2 for the first 2-3 years and that’s why we waited.

3 years later I wish I had gone for the third a year earlier because the difference between an 8-6 and 3 year old is huge and probably compounded by the gender differences.
As of now, my first two are besties abs are always together and do all the same things. They boy is excluded from 80% of their games and I don’t force his sisters to play with him.

Things are slowly getting better and the older girls are including their brother a little more now that he is becoming more patient and can communicate a little better.

We are easygoing (I think), but we do like schedules and are strict with sleep (3 exhausted kids are hard to handle). We also prioritize activities and sports so my daughters are busy.

Overall I love having my 3, but I think that a smaller age gap would have been better in the long run.

[Anonymous]

First two are 20 months apart, and second and third are 26 months apart. I was initially aiming for a 3 year gap with the third, but I am actually very happy with how the timing worked out. Based on birth dates, the first two are a year apart in school and my youngest will be three years behind my middle.

I would say DH and I are authoritative — high (age appropriate) expectations and high emotional support. We are also fairly crunchy in that I bed shared (with two, one didn’t like it), breastfed past a year with all of them, and did baby led weaning. In a few ways we are very relaxed— lots of free play, don’t have strict schedules for most things, don’t stress about TV time — but we also don’t do tablets and we prioritize sleep.