Ideal Age Gap Between Siblings

[Anonymous]

What do you think is the ideal age gap between siblings? Does your answer change if they are brothers vs sisters?

[Anonymous]

I don't think there is an ideal age gap. Infancy/toddlerhood is certainly harder the closer the kids are together. But now that I'm done with portion, I really love our 2 year age gap. When I was living through it though I DID NOT recommend it at all.

I think how well siblings get along has a lot more to do with personality than age.

[Anonymous]

I think what is ideal is going to vary with the personality and parenting styles of the parents as well as the personality of the kids. Mine are a bit under two years apart--older boy, younger girl. This made the first year very difficult, particularly for me as someone who leaned slightly toward attachment parenting. Hard to always meet the need of two kids that close in age. Beyond the first year it has been perfect. Girls mature faster than boys so it often seems like they are the same age. Although, on that note, I am looking at simultaneous puberty, I think, so we are likely in for a rough couple of years starting any day now (kids are 10 and 12).

[Anonymous]

I think it depends hugely on the kids. My sister and I are two years apart and barring a couple of years in late elementary have always been very close. My friend and her sister have the same age gap and have never been close and rarely speak as adults. You can’t really predict it. My two kids (older sister, younger brother) are two years apart. I’m really hoping they get on and that the close age gap means my older doesn’t get stuck with eldest daughter syndrome but they’re young yet so really who knows how it’ll turn out…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think what is ideal is going to vary with the personality and parenting styles of the parents as well as the personality of the kids. Mine are a bit under two years apart--older boy, younger girl. This made the first year very difficult, particularly for me as someone who leaned slightly toward attachment parenting. Hard to always meet the need of two kids that close in age. Beyond the first year it has been perfect. Girls mature faster than boys so it often seems like they are the same age. Although, on that note, I am looking at simultaneous puberty, I think, so we are likely in for a rough couple of years starting any day now (kids are 10 and 12).

Exact same experience but, man, that first year was tough!

[Anonymous]

We have a 2 year age gap between our 2 kids. It was really hard the first year of 2nd baby’s life when older was still just 2 and very dependent on us, was still in diapers and a crib, still took a nap and used a pacifier and rode in a stroller on outings, so it sometimes felt like we had 2 babies. But since then it’s just gotten easier each year. When they were 5 and 3 they started really playing together for long stretches of time which is so great. They’re now 7 and 5 and get along great, can do many of the same activities, have many of the same interests, go to the same school, have mutual friends. It’s been so good having them close in age.

With my own siblings, I’m the oldest and my siblings are: sibling 1: 4 years younger; sibling 2: 7 years younger. We had more distant relationships as kids due to the age gaps and personality differences between us but we’re fairly close (not super close) as adults. In our case I think it’s more our personalities that make us not as close. But my parents have remarked that it was easier raising us because I was old enough when my younger siblings were born that I was in school already, could help out a bit or go do my own thing/entertain myself for stretches of time while they cared for my siblings.

You just never know though. My husband and his brother are 2 years apart and always fought as kids and aren’t close as adults. That’s a personality thing more than age gap.

[Anonymous]

I loved having mine 25 months apart. From when the second was born until now when he is seven.

My third is three years younger than #2 and that didn’t work as well - more sibling jealousy, harder to find things they can both do when they are young, etc.

[Anonymous]

My sons are three years apart and are best friends. They're now 17 and 20.

[Anonymous]

2 girls, 3 years apart and it's great in so many ways. Baby/preschool stage was manageable and they're far enough apart in age to not be jealous/competitive but close enough to like a lot of the same things (movies, toys, activities, etc.).

[Anonymous]

2 boys 17 months apart. First few years were hard, but then became much easier. Gates came down, similar toys, and activities. They are now young adults and quite close.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on so much but if you want my random thoughts I’d say less than 18 months or more than 5 years is harder and ideal would be 3 years.

[Anonymous]

My child’s therapist said that one cause of her anxiety was the three-year age gap between her and her younger brother. I guess at that age children have a greater awareness of the self so they feel it acutely when their parents’ attention is split in two. Two years is better than three for the older sibling.

But they have a *great* relationship and I don’t regret the age gap because I couldn’t have handled a two year age gap. I actually did get pregnant and there would have been a 2 year gap and I started having panic attacks. I had a miscarriage, and then when I got pregnant with my son I was so happy and everything felt so perfect.

With questions about “what is best” you have to consider everybody in the family, not just the kids.

[Anonymous]

I would have preferred 2.5 years but I ended up with 3.5 years and it's great -- they get along well, played together but also had separate interests, never any jealousy and rarely fight. But so much of that is luck and personality -- they are G and B so maybe that reduces the rivalry/jealousy. We never had that thing where they had the same activities so we could consolidate activities, but maybe that also helped with reducing rivalry.

[Anonymous]

Mine are 2.5 years apart b/g. They were always close but fought a lot as little kids. Now they're college age, they are really good friends and hang out with the same friend group.

[Anonymous]

My girls are 3.5 apart and its been great. The oldest was very verbal early and started to chill out by 3.5. The youngest ended up pretty easy going as a baby and now that shes 2.5 and a little moe challenging the oldest is 6 and much more mature and kind and gets that her little sister is little but also adores that she is in charge of their play and gets someone to follow her. If their personalities were different it would have been harder/different.