If you asked a grandparent for help with tuition?

[Anonymous]

I am considering asking grandparents (before even applying) if they would consider helping us out with K and beyond tuition. If you have done this, how did you approach it? What did you say? Any regrets in the way you asked? We have two DCs close in age so I am thinking asking for one's tuition, or half of each. And in reality how is it done - did they give you the $$ or just pay the school directly?

Little background - this set of grandparents got help from their own parents for private education so it wouldn't be unprecedented. The other set of grandparents scrimped, saved, begged and borrowed to send kids to private school and can't help with tuition, but would really liked to see their grandchildren go to a private. There is a general push toward private school on both sides (and in larger family).

Thanks in advance for helpful comments

[Anonymous]

might they offer before you have to ask? I'd prefer it that way. I'd just wouldn't feel comfortable asking for that. Do they have other grandchildren who would be entitled to the same support?

[Anonymous]

I don't know. I can tell you that my older sibling got financial help for private school from our parents but when we were looking at private school the only comment I got was "it's not worth the money in the first few years". So we adopted that approach...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am considering asking grandparents (before even applying) if they would consider helping us out with K and beyond tuition. If you have done this, how did you approach it? What did you say? Any regrets in the way you asked? We have two DCs close in age so I am thinking asking for one's tuition, or half of each. And in reality how is it done - did they give you the $$ or just pay the school directly?

Little background - this set of grandparents got help from their own parents for private education so it wouldn't be unprecedented. The other set of grandparents scrimped, saved, begged and borrowed to send kids to private school and can't help with tuition, but would really liked to see their grandchildren go to a private. There is a general push toward private school on both sides (and in larger family).

Thanks in advance for helpful comments

If it is done, the way to do it is that they would pay the tuition directly, as opposed to giving you the money. Tuition paid directly to a school is not considered to constitute a gift and thus not subject to the Gift Tax. If they gave you the money, it would need to be reported and it would be subject to the Gift Tax.

[Anonymous]

My grandparents paid my school directly, and I will ask my parents to do the same. In my family it has been done this way for several generations, when the time comes I don't feel bad asking my parents outright. Plus, most schools accept credit card now for tuition- knowing my parents they will just charge it!

[Anonymous]

Paying the school directly is best as it does not trigger gift tax.

From the standpoint of asking, it really depends on the grandparents' finances and their feelings. It seems to me more common that the grandparents offer first, or as in our family, they say, when they hear you are looking, wish we could help but we can't.

We have received a lot of help from one grandparent. The upside is that we couldn't have sent dc without it. The downside is that the grandparent is elderly and unwell and the help may come to a stop when he dies, and that point may not be a natural transition point for dc or a point where we'd want to switch schools. There is also the issue of not having enough of our own money to cover tuition and being "on the hook" for it for part of the year.

[Anonymous]

Also, (PP continued from above), private school tuition used to be so much less money, in relative terms. My grandparents, who have money but are not loaded, sent 4 kids all the way through to private school. School tuition, along with college tuition, have gone up much faster than income, so previous generations' subsidization of their grandchildren's tuition may not be all that relevant in money terms. (But if they can do it, great!).

[Anonymous]

I wasn't really asking my parents for help, but I mentioned, in the course of talking about vacations thta my family would NOT be taking, that we were trying very hard to save up for the yearly tuition fee. Every year since then my parents have sent me a gift from each of them of the maximum not subject to the gift tax ($13,000 x 2, or $26,000, this year). They wanted each to make a gift of $13,000 to my husband as well, but I told them what they were giving me was plenty toward the $34,000 we pay in total.

[Anonymous]

@12:16, you should really encourage them to pay the school directly, even if it covering a partial tuition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:@12:16, you should really encourage them to pay the school directly, even if it covering a partial tuition.

They are happy doing it that way, and they did check with their accoutant about doing it this way. If the amount were to exceed the maxmum allowed for nontaxable gifts, I'm sure they would pay the school directly.

[Anonymous]

OP,
Well if they say yes, you know they should pay the school directly. But how to ask? I'd ask if they could but not mention an amount and see what they say. It may be much lower than you think. You won't know until you ask, it's as simple as that. I would be ready for any answer. If you seem surprised by a lower than expected number, they might be insulted or feel pressure, etc.

[Anonymous]

My husband's parents pay the school tuition directly so it doesn't trigger the gift tax. That way, they are also able to give us the $26k a year.

[Anonymous]

Some of you are mighty lucky! I hope you aren't the same ones who are complaining about your parents and/or in-laws on other threads. My parents are deceased, and my husband's folks, although they could help, would never dream of doing so -- they sent their kids through public school, and it would just never occur to them, nor would it occur to us to ask. Count your blessings and be nice to your parents and in-laws while you have them!

[Anonymous]

I don't think I would ever asked, but when offered would consider it. However, I strongly suggest that you spread it across your children's tuitions and not give it to one child. If you ever want to discuss it with them that their grandparents were generously helping it would be better to have the benefit for all rather than focused on one child.

[Anonymous]

We have one set of grandparents who help and one set who would if they could but are not in a position to do so. We never asked for help nor expected it. We have always made it clear how thankful we are for the assistance but that they should in no way feel obligated to do it. They pay the school directly so that the money does not count towards the gift tax. I would feel awkward asking my parents or in-laws for help unless I really needed it and my child really needed to go to private school. I should also note that they help with the tuition for their other grandchildren and they take the view that they would rather give the money this way than leave it to the kids and have it subjected to the estate tax.

Money is a tricky issue. We are lucky that both sets of grandparents have always given gifts to our children with no strings attached. They do not tell us how to raise our children and are just all around nice people. We are very lucky. I have friends whose parents help but their are strings attached to the help. Some of the strings are so burdensome that I don't know that it is worth. I would think long and hard about asking before you do it.