Dad keeps asking why he's not invited to family functions

[Anonymous]

Dad walked out on family and has been married three more times, always to wives who have no idea about his backstory (which includes cheating, bankruptcy, back child support, etc). Tried to have him in my life for a while but it was detrimental -- he would only talk about himself, beg for money, beg for a place to stay if he fought with one of his wives, was unreliable, etc.
Finally I am in a good enough place to simply draw a boundary. I do not want to have a relationship with him. I told him this once firmly by phone. I then told his fourth wife this when she called to shriek at me for cutting him out (she knows very little about his back story). He now calls and leaves messages, texts, writes letters asking why I am not making an effort to include him in my life or in my children's life.
We have never gotten along. I am much happier without him in my life.
Do I owe him a bigger explanation?

[Anonymous]

I don't think you owe him anything. But it could help get him to back off he better understood. Not that he will "hear" you. I find people get a narrative in their head about what they have done, and why it isn't their fault. Then will never hear of absorb someone else's version of their truth.

Just explain to him and see if that helps.

[Anonymous]

Nope. You've explained already. He's just not accepting it.

[Anonymous]

Eh, I'd just ignore and block him.

[Anonymous]

That type of person is not capable of acknowledging the hurt they caused. They will always play the victim. They may say they're sorry, but if you relent, they go right back to their bad habits. It's because their brains are not capable of making them behave differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you owe him anything. But it could help get him to back off he better understood. Not that he will "hear" you. I find people get a narrative in their head about what they have done, and why it isn't their fault. Then will never hear of absorb someone else's version of their truth.

Just explain to him and see if that helps.

She’s already explained, he doesn’t care nor listen.

You’ve done everything and everything right. It’s done. Enjoy some peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you owe him anything. But it could help get him to back off he better understood. Not that he will "hear" you. I find people get a narrative in their head about what they have done, and why it isn't their fault. Then will never hear of absorb someone else's version of their truth.

Just explain to him and see if that helps.

She's already done that. Were you not paying attention?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I'd just ignore and block him.

+1

[Anonymous]

I would lay it ALL out in a letter to his current wife and place it on her to explain to him, as you are done trying. Then block.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. You've explained already. He's just not accepting it.

Bingo. Badgering people has worked for him in the past. Engage no further as it will just encourage him to interact.

[Anonymous]

Stop engaging.

Your mistake was making the announcement. Simply stop taking his calls and explaining over and over. This sounds exhausting and it’s a stupid choice you are in control of making. So stop. Also, why do you care what his tenth wife thinks about you? You can’t control that so let it go.

[Anonymous]

don't acknowledge or respond to any communication from his wife of the week. who is she to you? answer: no one. Block her number.

if you feel you must say something further to your father, just send a note: "I told you previously I no longer want a relationship with you. It is not healthy for me or my family. My feelings on that decision have not changed. Please refrain from contacting me or having your spouse do so. Please respect the boundaries that I have drawn."

[Anonymous]

Write a long letter on the computer that starts "Hi Dad, thanks for reaching out to me. Since you seem to have forgotten, here is the history of why I do not include you in my life or my children's lives..."

Print it out and send it to him. Every time he reaches out to you again and tries to wedge himself back into your lives, don't answer the call. Just print out another copy of the letter and mail it to him. Every.Time. If his Wife of the Week calls to yell at you, hang up, print out a copy and send her a copy of the letter addressed to her.

[Anonymous]

Just block them. He is a user. He only wants to stay connected to be his back up for money or whatever when fourth wife is dropped. He will expect you to support him at some point never connecting that he did nothing to support you or your mother. He isn’t going to come to some grand realization that he’s a bum and become productive. Any apology, which will probably never come anyway, wouldn’t be sincere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. You've explained already. He's just not accepting it.

This. He sounds really narcissistic, maybe? So he will take a victim role no matter how much you explain.