Happily divorced

[Anonymous]

If you are happily divorced can you share what makes your divorced life better? How old are you? How long have you been divorced?

[Anonymous]

I’m a 48 year old woman, been divorced for 5 years after almost 20 years of marriage. The first two years were the hardest I’ve ever been through. It was like I had to go through a rebirth and redefine everything I thought I knew about the direction my life was going. I had a epiphany after about the second year that I was going to be okay, I needed to trust the universe and I needed to let go of the past and start doing things that brought me joy. It was only at that point that everything turned a corner, I started feeling normal again and I regained my happiness. I haven’t lost it since. Things are amazing. I think coming to terms with the dissolution of the marriage and being able to completely let go of my XH and get over all of my anger and jealousy and negative feelings for him were the turning point. I harbor no I’ll will toward him, in fact I have no feelings at all. And I wouldn’t change my current life for anything!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 48 year old woman, been divorced for 5 years after almost 20 years of marriage. The first two years were the hardest I’ve ever been through. It was like I had to go through a rebirth and redefine everything I thought I knew about the direction my life was going. I had a epiphany after about the second year that I was going to be okay, I needed to trust the universe and I needed to let go of the past and start doing things that brought me joy. It was only at that point that everything turned a corner, I started feeling normal again and I regained my happiness. I haven’t lost it since. Things are amazing. I think coming to terms with the dissolution of the marriage and being able to completely let go of my XH and get over all of my anger and jealousy and negative feelings for him were the turning point. I harbor no I’ll will toward him, in fact I have no feelings at all. And I wouldn’t change my current life for anything!

What is your current life like? I am 51 divorced 4 years and still get so angry and depressed thinking about how I was raped and my dreams stolen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 48 year old woman, been divorced for 5 years after almost 20 years of marriage. The first two years were the hardest I’ve ever been through. It was like I had to go through a rebirth and redefine everything I thought I knew about the direction my life was going. I had a epiphany after about the second year that I was going to be okay, I needed to trust the universe and I needed to let go of the past and start doing things that brought me joy. It was only at that point that everything turned a corner, I started feeling normal again and I regained my happiness. I haven’t lost it since. Things are amazing. I think coming to terms with the dissolution of the marriage and being able to completely let go of my XH and get over all of my anger and jealousy and negative feelings for him were the turning point. I harbor no I’ll will toward him, in fact I have no feelings at all. And I wouldn’t change my current life for anything!

What is your current life like? I am 51 divorced 4 years and still get so angry and depressed thinking about how I was raped and my dreams stolen.

You blame your ex for that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 48 year old woman, been divorced for 5 years after almost 20 years of marriage. The first two years were the hardest I’ve ever been through. It was like I had to go through a rebirth and redefine everything I thought I knew about the direction my life was going. I had a epiphany after about the second year that I was going to be okay, I needed to trust the universe and I needed to let go of the past and start doing things that brought me joy. It was only at that point that everything turned a corner, I started feeling normal again and I regained my happiness. I haven’t lost it since. Things are amazing. I think coming to terms with the dissolution of the marriage and being able to completely let go of my XH and get over all of my anger and jealousy and negative feelings for him were the turning point. I harbor no I’ll will toward him, in fact I have no feelings at all. And I wouldn’t change my current life for anything!

What is your current life like? I am 51 divorced 4 years and still get so angry and depressed thinking about how I was raped and my dreams stolen.

You blame your ex for that?

Umm, I am assuming it was marital rape. Which is horrible.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why people wonder about this. There was literally nothing good about being married in my case. It was bad from da one and stayed way too long. I've been divorced 2 years. I was miserable being married. I am happy again because I am divorced. I am mid-40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 48 year old woman, been divorced for 5 years after almost 20 years of marriage. The first two years were the hardest I’ve ever been through. It was like I had to go through a rebirth and redefine everything I thought I knew about the direction my life was going. I had a epiphany after about the second year that I was going to be okay, I needed to trust the universe and I needed to let go of the past and start doing things that brought me joy. It was only at that point that everything turned a corner, I started feeling normal again and I regained my happiness. I haven’t lost it since. Things are amazing. I think coming to terms with the dissolution of the marriage and being able to completely let go of my XH and get over all of my anger and jealousy and negative feelings for him were the turning point. I harbor no I’ll will toward him, in fact I have no feelings at all. And I wouldn’t change my current life for anything!

What is your current life like? I am 51 divorced 4 years and still get so angry and depressed thinking about how I was raped and my dreams stolen.

I assume and hope you are in therapy.

[Anonymous]

I have been divorced for almost five years. Two grown children. I don't hate my ex, we were married for 18 years and had many happy memories, especially when the kids were young. He is a great father. He was a good worker bee. He is, unfortunately, lazy and very unimaginative. Also a hoarder, a drinker and more introverted as he ages. Not a bad person, just wholly incompatible with the person I became. We lived separate lives in the same house for almost 3 years until I decided that death by a thousand cuts wasn't good for me. He would have stayed married, because he was living the life he wanted and I wasn't bothering him. His sloth and drinking and hoarding were depressing me. He retired as soon as he was eligible, and I'm not interested in retiring until my early 60s.

I lost twenty pounds, am in much better mental and physical shape and am much more active socially and in terms of travel. We are on cordial terms, and he occasionally expresses amazement that I fit so much into a day and a week. It took me forever to understand that not only was he satisfied with his life, but that my life would exhaust and intimidate him.

Summary: divorce is always unfortunate but sometimes can be not only necessary but wonderful for the spouses.

[Anonymous]

Divorced for almost 10 years, remarried 5 years ago to someone much better suited to me. No regrets at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been divorced for almost five years. Two grown children. I don't hate my ex, we were married for 18 years and had many happy memories, especially when the kids were young. He is a great father. He was a good worker bee. He is, unfortunately, lazy and very unimaginative. Also a hoarder, a drinker and more introverted as he ages. Not a bad person, just wholly incompatible with the person I became. We lived separate lives in the same house for almost 3 years until I decided that death by a thousand cuts wasn't good for me. He would have stayed married, because he was living the life he wanted and I wasn't bothering him. His sloth and drinking and hoarding were depressing me. He retired as soon as he was eligible, and I'm not interested in retiring until my early 60s.

I lost twenty pounds, am in much better mental and physical shape and am much more active socially and in terms of travel. We are on cordial terms, and he occasionally expresses amazement that I fit so much into a day and a week. It took me forever to understand that not only was he satisfied with his life, but that my life would exhaust and intimidate him.

Summary: divorce is always unfortunate but sometimes can be not only necessary but wonderful for the spouses.

Funny. You say he was the lazy one yet you didn't drop the 20 pounds until after you split up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 48 year old woman, been divorced for 5 years after almost 20 years of marriage. The first two years were the hardest I’ve ever been through. It was like I had to go through a rebirth and redefine everything I thought I knew about the direction my life was going. I had a epiphany after about the second year that I was going to be okay, I needed to trust the universe and I needed to let go of the past and start doing things that brought me joy. It was only at that point that everything turned a corner, I started feeling normal again and I regained my happiness. I haven’t lost it since. Things are amazing. I think coming to terms with the dissolution of the marriage and being able to completely let go of my XH and get over all of my anger and jealousy and negative feelings for him were the turning point. I harbor no I’ll will toward him, in fact I have no feelings at all. And I wouldn’t change my current life for anything!

What is your current life like? I am 51 divorced 4 years and still get so angry and depressed thinking about how I was raped and my dreams stolen.

Your ex raped you???

[Anonymous]

I don't know why anyone is surprised that a rapist was known to his victim. I'm sorry, PP. You didn't deserve what that jerk did.

I remain happily divorced from my first husband and happily married to my second. It's been...17 years. I'm 48. There was a decade there where I was solo with a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why anyone is surprised that a rapist was known to his victim. I'm sorry, PP. You didn't deserve what that jerk did.

I remain happily divorced from my first husband and happily married to my second. It's been...17 years. I'm 48. There was a decade there where I was solo with a kid.

Can you tell us more about your second marriage? What makes it good? Is anything hard since you have a kid? Did you second husband come to the marriage childless?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been divorced for almost five years. Two grown children. I don't hate my ex, we were married for 18 years and had many happy memories, especially when the kids were young. He is a great father. He was a good worker bee. He is, unfortunately, lazy and very unimaginative. Also a hoarder, a drinker and more introverted as he ages. Not a bad person, just wholly incompatible with the person I became. We lived separate lives in the same house for almost 3 years until I decided that death by a thousand cuts wasn't good for me. He would have stayed married, because he was living the life he wanted and I wasn't bothering him. His sloth and drinking and hoarding were depressing me. He retired as soon as he was eligible, and I'm not interested in retiring until my early 60s.

I lost twenty pounds, am in much better mental and physical shape and am much more active socially and in terms of travel. We are on cordial terms, and he occasionally expresses amazement that I fit so much into a day and a week. It took me forever to understand that not only was he satisfied with his life, but that my life would exhaust and intimidate him.

Summary: divorce is always unfortunate but sometimes can be not only necessary but wonderful for the spouses.

Funny. You say he was the lazy one yet you didn't drop the 20 pounds until after you split up.

NP. Are you a man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why anyone is surprised that a rapist was known to his victim. I'm sorry, PP. You didn't deserve what that jerk did.

I remain happily divorced from my first husband and happily married to my second. It's been...17 years. I'm 48. There was a decade there where I was solo with a kid.

pp here. I was asking whether she was being literal or figurative.