what college emgaged your shy/homebody/introverted kid?

[Anonymous]

DC is a junior and starting to look at colleges. He is a very smart kid with lots of “quiet” interests - he will read and go on deep dives researching topics of interest to him, but doesn’t have any “hands on” hobbies. He is not involved in school activities at all (he plays one low key sport), and stays home most weekends. He enjoys himself when he goes for a burger or to movies with friends, but never initiates this. There are many school clubs I think he’d love, but he won’t put himself out there to try anything.

As he starts to explore colleges, I’d love to look into some that encourage students to push themselves out of their comfort zones. I know he’ll be successful academically most anywhere but I also want him to explore interests outside of the classroom and in books/laptop while in college. I am not unrealistic- I know he won’t undergo a personality transformation and suddenly become class president. But if there are colleges that have some framework in place or a culture that encourages kids to explore, try new things, etc, I’d like to put them on his list to research and visit.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

All the shy and introverted kids in college were hooked on video games and would retreat to their rooms for large multi-player games. They would still go to the dining hall for food together, but most spent all of their time alone in their rooms playing games.

[Anonymous]

I have a similar kid and was just saying to a friend that I worry he won't enjoy college. He'll like the classes, but I don't think he'll enjoy the lack of privacy/space of a roommate/dorm situation or the constant socializing. So much of the college experience is life beyond classes.

I don't know, I think college can be very lonely for this type of kid. I'm also not sure I want to pay $70k/yr for a SLAC experience if he's not getting much out of the experience. Interested in what others say.

[Anonymous]

My college used to offer a camping trip the week before for kids so they could start school knowing people. A program like that (longer than just orientation) might be helpful so he meets people right away and they might reach out to him to include him in things.

[Anonymous]

Why not embrace who he is?

My introverted son went to a big state school because nobody bothers him.

He has a few friends he eats with and watches sports.

Mostly he goes to class and plays piano.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the shy and introverted kids in college were hooked on video games and would retreat to their rooms for large multi-player games. They would still go to the dining hall for food together, but most spent all of their time alone in their rooms playing games.

Good to know. Where did you go to college?

[Anonymous]

University of Maryland

[Anonymous]

weird - I think there are a lot of good places for a kid like this. I would focus on schools were kids live on campus for all or most of the years.

University of Denver, Lehigh, Union in NY, Kenyon.

[Anonymous]

My now 19 year old is like this. He has been home for 6 weeks during break and has literally not left the house of his own accord, other than to see his girlfriend. He will go when asked to do something but he has seen no friends over break, again other than GF.

He is at UVA and he absolutely loves the classes and the clubs, but he does feel the pressure to be more social, which frankly is a good thing. But no one is coddling him, he just knows he needs to get out and make more friends. They have 800+ clubs so he has joined a couple and committed to being more proactive with going to meetings and events this spring semester.

He told me when I picked him up from school in December that he LOVES the weekdays because he really enjoys classes and the work, but he likes the weekends less because he feels like he is somewhat adrift. I get that because I was the same way as a kid, though i went to a SLAC and did break out of my shell probably quicker than he is.

In my opinion, most schools are not going to force him out of his room, that's a realization that the kid will need to make as they mature.

Going to a SLAC may get the ball rolling quicker because it's a very cohesive community with more emphasis and inclusivity but even at a large school, they can find their path and their people.

[Anonymous]

My son is shy and a mama's boy. He went to Stanford. His strategy was to let the extroverted kids pull him into their orbit, and he dipped a toe in until he found the kids he liked, and then made friends with them. He also found study groups to be a great way to make friends.

[Anonymous]

OP here. My question isn’t so much about making friends (although I hope for that, too, of course!), but I’d love for him to try things of interest or possible
interest like for random examples- model UN club, intramural softball, campus radio station, volunteer tutoring, etc. I’m not trying to remake him, but am a believer that you get more out of life being part of a community than an island. He also needs to start exploring interests to spark potential careers/fields of
study. Hopefully someone will respond with campus environments that inspired their kids to try something new or get out of their shell a little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is shy and a mama's boy. He went to Stanford. His strategy was to let the extroverted kids pull him into their orbit, and he dipped a toe in until he found the kids he liked, and then made friends with them. He also found study groups to be a great way to make friends.

haha this is a good point, my DS who i wrote about above, said the one thing he regrets is that while he has a great roommate and they are best friends, he wishes he was rooming with someone a bit more outgoing who would have pushed him to do more. He and his roommate are basically twins and in retrospect, he thinks he'd have more friends if he was with someone who was more gregarious. Something to keep i mind in roommate selection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:weird - I think there are a lot of good places for a kid like this. I would focus on schools were kids live on campus for all or most of the years.

University of Denver, Lehigh, Union in NY, Kenyon.

Good point! Thanks from OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My now 19 year old is like this. He has been home for 6 weeks during break and has literally not left the house of his own accord, other than to see his girlfriend. He will go when asked to do something but he has seen no friends over break, again other than GF.

He is at UVA and he absolutely loves the classes and the clubs, but he does feel the pressure to be more social, which frankly is a good thing. But no one is coddling him, he just knows he needs to get out and make more friends. They have 800+ clubs so he has joined a couple and committed to being more proactive with going to meetings and events this spring semester.

He told me when I picked him up from school in December that he LOVES the weekdays because he really enjoys classes and the work, but he likes the weekends less because he feels like he is somewhat adrift. I get that because I was the same way as a kid, though i went to a SLAC and did break out of my shell probably quicker than he is.

In my opinion, most schools are not going to force him out of his room, that's a realization that the kid will need to make as they mature.

Going to a SLAC may get the ball rolling quicker because it's a very cohesive community with more emphasis and inclusivity but even at a large school, they can find their path and their people.

thanks so much, this gives me hope! and your son sounds great to me. - op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is shy and a mama's boy. He went to Stanford. His strategy was to let the extroverted kids pull him into their orbit, and he dipped a toe in until he found the kids he liked, and then made friends with them. He also found study groups to be a great way to make friends.

i am Op and funny because this is somewhat how I am! I am very good at finding people who are doers and jumping in with them. Thanks for this reminder!