How women as MILs and DILs can change this society

[Anonymous]

It’s been their role to creat discord in family lives, how can women in these roles support feminism and other woman?

[Anonymous]

What are you even talking about. My MIL was one of the sweetest and most wonderful people that I have ever met. There was no discord between us because we loved and respected each other. It’s really as simple as that and there are many people that I have met with the same dynamic with their MILs. I hope I am like that when I have a DIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s been their role to creat discord in family lives, how can women in these roles support feminism and other woman?

You can start by not over-generalizing and trotting out the tired old horse that women live drama. The vast majority of women I know do not have deep problems and long-lasting issues with their MILs/DILs.

[Anonymous]

Just because you are lucky, it doesn’t mean everyone is. Traditionally, this relationship has been the worst for feminism. Even now forums are filled with threads about these issues.

[Anonymous]

And just because someone doesn’t want drama, they can’t stop drama from coming to them unless other people see the value in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just because you are lucky, it doesn’t mean everyone is. Traditionally, this relationship has been the worst for feminism. Even now forums are filled with threads about these issues.

That’s like saying a Michelin-star restaurant must be bad because it has some negative Yelp reviews. Only people with extreme IL issues or their own personal issues bother posting about their IL drama. Most people just carry on with life, and read those threads for the popcorn entertainment of it all.

I get along with my ILs great, but I’ve posted once or twice actually seeking advice, and have had productive results.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just because you are lucky, it doesn’t mean everyone is. Traditionally, this relationship has been the worst for feminism. Even now forums are filled with threads about these issues.

Really? The worst. Do you have something to back up that assertion?

[Anonymous]

Hmm. Sorry, no. Males are responsible for the immense portion of killings and torture around the world. Women by comparison do nothing much. Sticks, stones, etc.

[Anonymous]

By creating reasonable boundaries that mean their husbands or partners deal with the other primary relationships in their life themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By creating reasonable boundaries that mean their husbands or partners deal with the other primary relationships in their life themselves.

Sorry, should be husband/ partners or their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s been their role to creat discord in family lives, how can women in these roles support feminism and other woman?

Being non-judgmental and supportive to begin with and by always respecting boundaries.

[Anonymous]

By not cooking, not cleaning, not buying gifts, not readying the house for anyone but their children. All other family members can fend for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes the discord in this relationship is evidence that feminism is working. In mine, discord arises when my MIL has unrealistic and unfair expectations of me that are clearly grounded in internalized misogyny. I push back because of feminism. She eventually comes around because she can’t really defend her expectations without saying “well yes, I do think women have to do everything because men are somehow both too important and too helpless to do it themselves.” And then we return to a good place.

Everyone thinks conflict us bad but sometimes conflict is necessary. People with smooth relationships with their ILs don’t have conflict likely because they are in agreement about gender dynamics and family roles. That might be good (with it ILs who don’t try to enforce retrograde expectations) but it also might not (I know plenty of modern women who still basically agree that women are in charge of kids and home and family relationships). I don’t worry about it because I have the relationship I need to have with my MIL based on who we are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes the discord in this relationship is evidence that feminism is working. In mine, discord arises when my MIL has unrealistic and unfair expectations of me that are clearly grounded in internalized misogyny. I push back because of feminism. She eventually comes around because she can’t really defend her expectations without saying “well yes, I do think women have to do everything because men are somehow both too important and too helpless to do it themselves.” And then we return to a good place.

Everyone thinks conflict us bad but sometimes conflict is necessary. People with smooth relationships with their ILs don’t have conflict likely because they are in agreement about gender dynamics and family roles. That might be good (with it ILs who don’t try to enforce retrograde expectations) but it also might not (I know plenty of modern women who still basically agree that women are in charge of kids and home and family relationships). I don’t worry about it because I have the relationship I need to have with my MIL based on who we are.

Would that all MILs were as receptive to realizing the error of their ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes the discord in this relationship is evidence that feminism is working. In mine, discord arises when my MIL has unrealistic and unfair expectations of me that are clearly grounded in internalized misogyny. I push back because of feminism. She eventually comes around because she can’t really defend her expectations without saying “well yes, I do think women have to do everything because men are somehow both too important and too helpless to do it themselves.” And then we return to a good place.

Everyone thinks conflict us bad but sometimes conflict is necessary. People with smooth relationships with their ILs don’t have conflict likely because they are in agreement about gender dynamics and family roles. That might be good (with it ILs who don’t try to enforce retrograde expectations) but it also might not (I know plenty of modern women who still basically agree that women are in charge of kids and home and family relationships). I don’t worry about it because I have the relationship I need to have with my MIL based on who we are.

This is a great real life example of modern feminism, strong and determined but not stubborn.