Do you apologize to your kids? Did your parents apologize to you?

[Anonymous]

I grew up with parents that never apologized. Never admitted they were wrong even if they did something hurtful. They had this godlike infallible attitude which looking back is ironic considering they were super religious and loved to claim they weren't perfect etc.

So here is where I struggle obviously I don't want to repeat their callous attitude, but I don't want to over apologize either ( if this is even a thing). I need advice.

[Anonymous]

Yes I do when I am wrong.

[Anonymous]

Yes, if I am wrong then I apologize.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I apologize frequently. I screw up sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I do. I’m very open with them that everyone makes mistakes, even grownups. Even parents. Even me. No, my parents never apologized to me and it’s part of why I want to show them that.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but my parents didn't ever! Rachel Bailey has a good strategy: https://rachel-bailey.com/50/ (haven't listened to this but looks similar to what I've heard her say elsewhere)

[Anonymous]

Yes and no. My H is a horrible apologizer too.

[Anonymous]

I do, when warranted. I feel like it’s important to model the ability to assess my own behavior, recognize where I’ve failed my own or others’ expectations, and then course-correct. Those are all important life skills.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely do. It probably only happens once a month or Kees than that. Always when I’ve lost my cool and yelled. I want to show my children that a) I’m not perfect and they don’t have to be either, and b) that apologizing is important even when it’s uncomfortable.

My parents didn’t apologize and my brother doesn’t know how to. My dh and I are good communicators and model that in front of our kids. I hope that it helps them grow up to do the same.

[Anonymous]

Yes I do. I think DS has learned to be good at apologizing as a result. My mom apologized when I was a kid, but I remember it always feeling inauthentic.

[Anonymous]

No they didn't not until I was an adult.
I do but I don't want to over apologize either and I think I do.

[Anonymous]

Yes of course. It's very important to model this to my kids.

[Anonymous]

Interesting that a lot of people seem conscious of this being an issue with their own parents and wanting to change course. And yes, I'm one of those. And yes, my DS learned how to at a much younger age than I did. (Those forced apologies never went well when I was a kid)

[Anonymous]

Yes I apologize. I do it a lot, but I’m specific. I’ll apologize for raising my voice or being dismissive, but that doesn’t mean I let my kid off the hook if they did fonething that led to me losing my cool. But yes, I apologize for inappropriate behavior that doesn’t meet our family’s standards of respect and kindness.

This is one of those things where you can’t just think about yourself, you have to think about what you are modeling for your kid. Not only do I want my children to be able to apologize when they mess up, but I also want them to expect that future friends, partners, colleagues, etc., should treat them respectfully. Apologizing to someone is a way of acknowledging that they are worthy of respect. I want my kids to feel worthy. That by itself is worth apologizing to them.

[Anonymous]

I apologize to my kids, too much. I am really trying to get out of the habit of apologizing as a verbal tic. But I also apologize for things I really messed up on, like breaking a promise.

My dad apologized to me and I always really appreciated it. It does create this emotional bond when you see somebody humble and vulnerable like that. My mom also apologized but often she struggles with taking accountability so sometimes it was like “I’m sorry I forgot to pick you up from school, I guess Im a bad mom.” That kind of thing.

But yeah OP I’m glad you see how important apologies are and you can change things.