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Is this a sign that I need to switch OBs?
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Anonymous
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I am at a small practice in NOVA. So far I have had no issues with the doctors. At my last appointment I told one of the OBs in my rotation that I had hired a doula who will be present with me and my husband. He did not seem too pleased and went on to state that I since that is my third child I really did not need a doula becasue labor will be very quick that that I should consider whether I wanted to "waste money paying for a doula". He then asked me who I had hired and I disclosed the name, well he apparently does not like this doula - he mentioned in vague terms that she had "crossed the line as to his authority" but did not provide details. He then mentioned that he could provide me with the name of a doula that he thinks would be a good "fit".
I am a bit taken aback my the experience, first that he thought that I doula was unneccessary (its not his call) and second that he was concerned about his potential relationship with this doula (again this is not about him). I really like this doula and if I had to choose I would pick her over him (I am aiming for an unmedicated birth). Thoughts? |
Anonymous
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yikes :-|
i say if you LOVE your choice of doula and are neutral about the doctor, then yes, switch OBs. maybe even look into a certified nurse-midwife? |
Anonymous
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I would get more details about why he didn't like working with her. Not all doulas are created equally - most know that their role is to not give you medical advice. Unfortunately, it is the practice of some doulas to encourage you to go against the doctor's advice. (I read about one training program for doulas, not a DONA program, that encouraged doulas to wait until the doctor left the room and then give you conflicting information about intervention the doctor recommended.) Without knowing more about his objections, it's hard to say whether he thinks the doula would be a hassle for him, or whether he thinks that she could unnecessarily complicate/interfere with your birth.
Another thing to keep in mind - I have heard that some doulas will help with massage to prevent tearing. My doctor stated in no uncertain terms that she did not want anyone poking around there after my water broke; each time someone touches your cervical area is another chance to get an infection. I would ask the doula whether she intends to perform any massage, how will she protect against infection and whatnot. |
Anonymous
| I don't think you need to find out more information - yes, switch OBs. You don't need the added stress in trying to negotiate a better working relationship between the PROFESSIONALs YOU HIRE to help you give birth, so what's the point in trying to get to the root of the problem (assuming you truly are onboard with your doula and don't suspect any REAL problems (ie: safety concerned, formally filed professional complaints, etc.) but instead just power plays and hurt egos in the delivery room. Forget the drama, ditch the guy. |
Anonymous
My doula did this (doc wanted to give Pitocin to augment labor) and to this day I am eternally grateful to her for encouraging me to say no. She also sneaked food to me which was a godsend. What can I say, I like rebels. |
Anonymous
| Switch now the whole point of a doula to have support and someone who can offer you alternative ways to deal with labor. Since this is your 3rd child and you have not had a c-section in the past you should be fine giving birth naturally. Some doctors though assume since you have several kids this will be your last one so no issue doing a c-section. |
Anonymous
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If your doula has good references and her DONA certification is up to date, then I would choose the doula over the OB. He has the right to politely voice his discomfort with being shunted to the side and his subsequent loss of control/power over you (because that is really what he complained about!). You have the right to switch doctors!
I decided not to hire a doula, but did switch practices at 30 weeks because my OBs knew nothing about encouraging natural childbirth. I am now seeing the MCA midwives in Rockville and feel much better: they will do the perineal massage just before crowning, will tell me how to push, which position is best, help me use the tub, etc... |
Anonymous
| I think it is a sign that your birth experience is not going to be what you want it to be and you should make a change. Either this OB has a grip against this doula and so you'll be better off finding a supportive OB--OR the OB has a legit grip against this doula and you need a different doula. It sounds as though you like this doula a lot. I would have a quick heart to heart with the OB to get more info about why, specifically, he has a problem with THIS doula. If you're not satisifed with his response, get a new OB. |
Anonymous
Oh yeah? You think that's why doctors insist on shoving their hands inside of you every week at the end of your pregnancy, the moment you walk into the hospital in labor, and then every 1-2 hours after that? And you think its the DOULA we need to be wary of?! You truly sound utterly clueless....about doulas, about maternity care, about doctors, and about perineal massage. Doctors love to say how "some doula" gave him trouble this one time. My question for the doctor would be: what unnecessary procedures were you trying to do to the patient that her doula had to help her refuse them? And my other question would be: why are you so egotistical that you got offended that someone didn't want the drugs you were pushing? Gah. Go find a new doctor. |
Anonymous
| We should not assume the problem is with the doctor, maybe it's with the doula. Doulas are not trained medical professionals. I would rather have a doctor whom I trust than a doula. Get more info from the OB. |
Anonymous
Yes, we should assume the problem is with the doctor. Any doctor worth anything should not be ruffled by the questioning that often comes when women hire doulas. Usually it's the doulas who are really doing their jobs that doctors start to dislike. Maybe if they actually practiced evidence-based medicine there wouldn't be such a conflict. My doula seriously saved me from a cesarean. As thrilled as I was that she was able to help me out in such a profound way (and note: she was never belligerent AT ALL to the medical staff), it made me angry afterwards. If my doctor had actually been practicing evidence-based medicine or if my doctor had known anything at all about natural childbirth, I would have never had to decline countless offers to medicate me and give me procedures that I didn't need. My doula was just about as kind and as gentle as a person could possibly be, but I would bet that because she encouraged me to stick to my birth plan (that my doc approved of prenatally, no less), my doctor considers her to be one of "those" doulas who he doesn't like. And, she didn't massage my freakin' cervix. Doulas don't massage cervixes for goodness sake! |
Anonymous
Amen. It's crazy that this whole thread sided with an unknown doula over an unknown doctor. We don't have enough information to leap to that conclusion. The problem could be with either or with both. And it is possible that the doula has known that she and this doctor don't mix well and kept that information from her client. I would ask both about the conflict they had. You probably can't work with them together, but hearing both sides of the story will give you a lot better insight as to who makes you more comfortable than our prejudiced guidance. |
Anonymous
Totally agree with both of these posts. |
Anonymous
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if i were in your position, my instinct would be to change providers. i understand that some doulas do overstep their bounds, but it sounds like you feel really connected and trusting of this doula, and not so much of the doctor, and i think you should trust your instincts!
i am always wary of providers who make a blanket statement that they don't like doulas, or that doulas aren't needed. to me, that's like telling someone who wants their husband at the birth "don't worry, husbands aren't needed for a third birth." in my view, any support person who the mother wants at a birth should be welcomed. my OB reacted to my bringing up doulas the same way as yours did, when i was pregnant the first time, and i switched to midwives for mostly that reason. when i told the midwife i had hired a doula, they said "what a relief! we love it when our clients have a doula, so you can have someone there with you the whole time, even if we have other moms in labor. that way we know you're well taken care of and can have the labor support you need" THAT was what i wanted to hear. i wanted my support team to support each other in addition to supporting me. i didn't want to have to worry about any tension in the room or anyone there who didn't support my decisions to have who i wanted. i say keep the doula and ditch the doctor. or, as one final step, ask him to tell you exactly what the doula did that he didn't like, and then ask the doula her side, and see whose side resonates more with you. |
Anonymous
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A certified doula will NOT do massage -- they are there in a support position. They shouldn't tell you what to do but support you and help you reach the choices right for you.
The OP said she likes the doula and would choose the doula over the OB. If she trusts the doula more, then sure, I'd ditch the OB -- but more info might be useful either way, might well make that decision more concrete. |