s/o What from your pre-kid life best prepared you for being a parent?

[Anonymous]

The resurrection of the thread about people needing to get a dog before kids has me thinking about this. I don’t think dogs prepare you very well for kids (dogs are really different), but some other stuff definitely does. Here are mine:

1) Working for extremely demanding, self-important people. I worked in a support role for very high-powered people for almost a decade before having kids, and I often laugh at how similar being a parent to small kids is. It taught me how to deal with difficult personalities, and how to manage a dynamic where the person who needs my help doesn’t want to admit they need me. It also taught me how to maintain my sanity in high stress situations. My kids are way less demanding and rewarding than my old internal clients, though. Parenting is a step up, even when you factor in all the bodily fluids!

2) Having a controlling, narcissist friend. This was an unpleasant experience but taught me how to set and hold boundaries and how to take care of my own well being. It also taught me what a dysfunctional, abusive relationship looks like, which helps me avoid these same power dynamics as a parent. An uncomfortable but useful education.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely nothing. I had younger siblings (much younger - they were born when I was a tween/teen) and babysat. I couldn’t even keep a houseplant alive. I think the only people who might be somewhat prepared are daycare workers/nannies, educators, and child psychologists - but even then, the knowledge is more theoretical.

You really can’t prepare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely nothing. I had younger siblings (much younger - they were born when I was a tween/teen) and babysat. I couldn’t even keep a houseplant alive. I think the only people who might be somewhat prepared are daycare workers/nannies, educators, and child psychologists - but even then, the knowledge is more theoretical.

You really can’t prepare.

I find this attitude baffling. Of course you can prepare. Will anything ever be exactly like being a parent? No, of course not. But there's nothing like being a brain surgeon, either. And yet brain surgeons spend years preparing to do brain surgery. Of course you can prepare.

Also, having kids isn't just about the infant and little kid years. A daycare worker might be great with babies and toddlers but totally flummoxed by a 10 year old having social issues at school. Likewise, there are people who don't like or get the baby/toddler years but are amazing with elementary, middle, or high school kids, because some aspect of their personality (or some prior experience, or both) helps them key into the needs of those ages.

Of course you can prepare to be a parent. One could argue that if you become a parent, literally everything that happened prior to that moment was preparation. I absolutely think my own childhood was preparation for parenthood, for instance, and those experiences continue to help me maintain empathy for my kids.

[Anonymous]

I knew the mechanics of child care - feeding, diapering, etc - from babysitting. But nothing prepared me for how physically exhausting parenting is. I also wasn’t prepared for the relentlessness of parenting. Especially small, at risk kids during a pandemic.

In other ways, yeah. I have a lot of knowledge and experience in education, which has helped in some ways (and not in others).

[Anonymous]

I had two much younger siblings, and both of my parents work with babies/children.
I also read tons of magazines, books, etc related to children & childcare (I found it interesting) as a teen and young adult. My oldest is 12, and while I’m not claiming that parenting is easy, I felt as prepared as I could be and generally knew what to expect. Parenting has actually been way more fun than I expected (so far). I know the teenage years aren’t likely to be easy, so who knows what those will hold.

[Anonymous]

I had no experience with the practicalities (youngest in my family and didn’t babysit). What prepared me most was probably attending a high intensity university and learning to function in very little sleep. That and having cats but solely the part where I learned to keep my temper when they innocently destroyed my stuff or made me miserable.

[Anonymous]

Have been a light sleeper since I was a kid and wake up multiple times a night. The ability to be able to function after multiple night wakings with newborns and knowing how to fall back asleep after multiple wakings was helpful in the newborn stages.

[Anonymous]

Working with children and parents in early childhood education for 15 years before I had my own kid. A+ education for the 0-5 range, but now that my kid is in kindergarten, I have a steep learning curve. Luckily, now I know my own kid.

[Anonymous]

Teaching, sort of. I was used to being in a demanding and overstimulating job.

[Anonymous]

24-hour rotating shift work jobs, and being a camp counselor to tweens.

[Anonymous]

Despite dealing with medical and behavioral special needs, parenting has been easy for me. I have loved being their parent at every stage of their childhood. They are now teens and tweens. I had my first at 25, while in grad school. No special training needed, apart from the profound desire to have kids and love them. I’m an only child and never babysat anybody.

[Anonymous]

As a Dad of three young boys I think being hazed in a fraternity and HS sport setting really helped underscore the continual pain brought about by the early years of children;

1) As a pledge we had to keep up with the 10ksqft house daily and then after parties. I can clean hazmat level spills without blinking. I also understand that households are in a continual state of tear down/build back. Everything will get broken. Everything will get dirty. Much fun will be had.

2) physical challenges & sleep deprivation. I’ve been forced to stay awake for 3 days. Forced to do relentless physical exercise - a dad bod isn’t possible if you’re keeping up with 2+ little ones. After 36Hrs you become delusional, so there’s always that to look forward to. One 3AM bottle feeding won’t ruin your day. But it does help to get >4HR stretches of Zzz.

3) I’ve been forced to eat and drink many suspect things. Sometimes I’ll sit in between my two older and challenge them to see who can eat the most Vegetables before ice cream. I’m the Joey Chesnut of Broccoli.

Whenever I see a father with his brood in public I can usually mark him quickly as being “involved” or not. The telltale signs are posture when handling the kids, the way the children gravitate towards Mom or Dad as a group and his reaction time when transitioning (car/meal/stroller).

It’s easy to see who was Hazed and who wasn’t

[Anonymous]

Nothing really prepared me. I babysat quite a bit. I had the controlling boss. We had young nephews and nieces on DH’s side. Nothing really prepares you for the 24/7/365 bit. The others are part time jobs in comparison.

Books helped a bit and also made some issues worse. In particular, what to expect in the first year had one doozy that nearly caused my first to be rehospitalized. It had to do with breastfeeding and not trusting yourself if you thought something was going wrong. I was a dry well, they just assured me that if he was suckling he was getting something. I learned to trust myself and get help.

One of my children is ASD and one has multiple severe LDs- nothing absolutely nothing helped me to prepare for the long long slow slog to get them to a place of independence. Nothing prepared me for the things we needed to change and leave behind. Nothing prepared me for the isolation you find when you have the types of SN children I have. Nothing prepared me for the way the schools are. I had to educate my self and learn on the job and find it through trial and error. We are hopefully nearing the end. A year from now, we may have an empty nest. Can’t wait.

[Anonymous]

Nothing. A good friend is an ER doctor and she said even she wasn't prepared for sleep disruption.

[Anonymous]

I was a nanny and preschool teacher before having my own children. I got a masters in Early Childhood Development but, oddly, my undergrad sociology degree is infinitely more useful in dealing with toddlers.

I would also say that learning to trust my instincts before having children made it easier to trust my gut after having kids. Maturity (not necessarily age) matters.