S/O Are your parents close with your in-laws at all?
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Anonymous
S/o, of course, of the nutty MIL who wants to demand her DIL’s entire family spends Christmas at MIL’s house every year 
My parents have only met my ILs once in person, on our wedding weekend. We got married later in life (late 30s) and they live on opposite sides of the country. I would not want them to be closer. My mom shared inappropriate things about me with my MIL at my wedding (nothing that was a secret and certainly nothing my DH doesn’t know, but she said derogatory things about me at my own wedding to my new family which I consider a real breach of trust) so I have zero interest in them hanging out. Are your parents and IL’s close? Friendly? If so, how did that relationship evolve? Just curious— I am happy with my current family set up. |
Anonymous
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No, and I’m happy about it. My widowed father lives on an opposite coast and cannot fly due to a major health issue.
It has caused major strain on my relationship with my in laws. They never accepted me because they didn’t know my family, which is frustrating but I’ve moved on from. There’s not much I can do about it, short of planning a visit for them to fly to meet my dad specifically which I’m just not. We married when we were both 30. I find my in law’s issue with this weird. |
Anonymous
| Not close but certainly friendly when they saw each other at events. But no relationship separate from us. Similarly, we like my DDs in-laws very much, and enjoy seeing them, but don’t expect to have a separate relationship with them. |
Anonymous
| Mine are. We used to go to church together and parties too. My family is very direct, and it can be seen as harsh and shocking to those who are not accustomed to it. So my parents reserve a special amount of gentleness for in laws. |
Anonymous
That’s good your parents understand that this is a relationship that requires some delicacy. My mom doesn’t get that and especially does not understand that the way she behaves around my ILs can have a long term impact on my relationship with them. Do I keep them separate since my mom doesn’t I derstsnd basic boundaries for some reason. |
Anonymous
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I posted in the other thread about this.
My parents and my brother's ILs are very friendly. Not planning vacations together, but when my parents visit my brother in Oregon they see the ILs often, are invited to dinner, stay at their vacation house, are welcomed for Christmas, etc. My brother's ILs are really the nicest, most open, gracious people. My parents and my ILs are cordial/friendly. There's never really been an occasion for them to spend a lot of time together, but when we are all together it's comfortable and fine. They are around the same age and have the same manners/etiquette expectations. We all gather around religious events so that's also helpful. |
Anonymous
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Both sets of grandparents, paternal and maternal, use to get together to play cards every now and again with just the four of them. We had many family dinners all together. Both sets of parents were always invited as we all lived locally.
My parents are in contact with my in-laws after my FIL was sick and my mother who is in health care was able to help. They call each other about once a month and at holidays. They are both local as well. |
Anonymous
| Not close, but they’re very polite. They used to see each other once a year at Christmas, but my parents moved. They often inquire after each other. |
Anonymous
Yes, I'd keep them apart as best as I could in this situation. |
Anonymous
| They have gotten together a few times and they were epic disasters. My parents are self-described “trailer trash” and my in-laws are culturally old money (not old money in fact though, it was all squandered). |
Anonymous
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We have been married for almost 10 years with 3 children. My parents and ILs live not far away, but they only have met 4 times. My ILs are really awkward and a bit unfriendly(a bit too much of themselves and say/do something inappropriate), so my parents do not want anything to do with them, and they also do not want anything to do with my parents. So, every year, before covid, we have 2 Christmas dinner and 2 thanksgiving dinner with them separately.
My brother is recently married during pandemic for 1 year, and I have not even met SIL family yet and they are in town. They also are a weird family and I think SIL is really weird. SIL’s parents do not celebrate anything, so they come to my parent one all the time for dinner/celebration. But you know what, as long as my brother is happy, that’s what matters. |
Anonymous
My MIL will call my mom and talk at her for a couple hours periodically. My mom doesn’t mind but it’s not a reciprocal relationship at all. We live near my parents and my MiL was/is very jealous but my mom always being really gracious has helped. My dad and my FIL get along well on the handful of times that we have had kid centered occasions for them to be together. My mom LOVES my brothers in law’s and they joined us for Christmas. It’s very different because they live close by so can have time just their family separately too. I actually really like my brother’s ILs too so this has worked out well. |
Anonymous
| No, not close and the moms aren’t that polite to each other. The dads are fine. |
Anonymous
| Nope. My in-laws died young. My step-MIL lived 12,000 miles from my parents. They never met before they died. |
Anonymous
| No, I actively keep them apart. My mother has no boundaries re: the relationships of her children. She has anxiety, depression, self esteem, anxiety, anxiety, you name it issues. . .which makes her overcompensate. She cannot just have a normal conversation. Also, they are just totally opposite kinds of people and wouldn't enjoy each other's company. |