Should We Cancel Christmas?

[Anonymous]

I have a lot of drama with my family - my brother and parents live a very different lifestyle and do not approve of mine. I feel like my parents treat my brother better than me. That said, we generally keep things civil for my children's sake and we celebrate holidays together and my kids have great relationships with their uncle and grandparents.

We are supposed to get together for Christmas at my parents' house. The time and place was set by them based on what my brother wanted, even though it was not what I preferred. But whatever, it's Christmas, I said fine.

I'm just finding out that my brother took his 2 young unvaxxed kids to the theater a few days ago and refuses to do rapid tests before the family gathering. He says he doesn't want to go through the hassle of getting tests. I offered to share mine, and he said it would be too traumatizing to his kids.

My frail grandparents will be at the gathering. They are vaxxed and boosted, but still, it feels risky. Plus I don't feel like having me and my family catch COVID, even though we're healthy, it would be a nuisance and ruin our holiday break.

None of my family feels COVID is a risk, they say I'm overreacting and if I'm not happy, I don't have to come.

I am really torn about what to do. On the one hand, we can not go and just spend the weekend alone, but it feels sort of pathetic and not like real Christmas. Like, what are we going to do all weekend? We already have done a lot of the usual holiday activities with the kids. Our friends are all traveling or celebrating with their families.

On the other hand, we can go, take the risk, kids will have fun, but I will feel shitty about my family totally disregarding my concerns, I'm mad at all of them for yet again prioritizing my brother's needs over me. I'm sure sarcastic remarks will be made about me too and I'll have to just laugh them off.

WWYD?

[Anonymous]

People have really polarized opinions about Covid. Sounds like everyone else is on the same page and you are at the other end of the spectrum. You feel disregarded. But I bet they do too. You think you are right and I bet they do too. You want them to pick you and they probably want you to pick them. In other words you’re both doing the same thing and feeling the same way.

[Anonymous]

I think you're being a little unreasonable. Were they masked at the theater? It's not that high risk. If your kids have been in school these last weeks, they are probably higher risk.

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine to spend time with vaxxed and boosted elderly people and as the other poster noted, if your kids have been in school for the past few weeks, they have likely been exposed to omicron.

[Anonymous]

I am really torn about what to do. On the one hand, we can not go and just spend the weekend alone, but it feels sort of pathetic and not like real Christmas. Like, what are we going to do all weekend? We already have done a lot of the usual holiday activities with the kids. Our friends are all traveling or celebrating with their families.

You have to decide if your desire to be entertained outweighs your covid concerns.

Did you only ask the brother & kids to self-test? Because anyone could be carrying it, and the testing requirement should stand for all equally.

Agree with the PP who suggested that you recognize that you guys are both on a spectrum to see it respectfully. If you choose not to go, that's fine--you guys can find plenty to do to entertain yourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have really polarized opinions about Covid. Sounds like everyone else is on the same page and you are at the other end of the spectrum. You feel disregarded. But I bet they do too. You think you are right and I bet they do too. You want them to pick you and they probably want you to pick them. In other words you’re both doing the same thing and feeling the same way.

+1

[Anonymous]

Your parents get to decide for themselves whether to be around your brother and his family if they aren’t testing. That isn’t your choice to make. If you don’t feel comfortable going then don’t. But don’t make it about your family prioritizing your brother over you. It’s just that they are ok with the risk, full stop.

[Anonymous]

Ah, yet another poster who wants to use COVID as an excuse and rationale to bash family members for thinking and behaving differently than them. OP: you should connect with the poster who wants to blame ex for keeping her from spending Christmas with her kids because she thinks they have to "quarantine" away from her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your parents get to decide for themselves whether to be around your brother and his family if they aren’t testing. That isn’t your choice to make. If you don’t feel comfortable going then don’t. But don’t make it about your family prioritizing your brother over you. It’s just that they are ok with the risk, full stop.

I agree with this. I think OP is bringing a lot of other baggage in here.

[Anonymous]

I think you have legitimate concerns, but you can only decide for yourself and your kids .

[Anonymous]

+1 on the responses above.

You’re not really worried about COVID, you’re worried about being bored and your parents picking your brother.

FWIW - They’re not picking your brother; they’re picking the opinion that they don’t find the risk that has been taken as unacceptable as you do.

[Anonymous]

Traumatizing to take a covid test? What a snowflake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ah, yet another poster who wants to use COVID as an excuse and rationale to bash family members for thinking and behaving differently than them. OP: you should connect with the poster who wants to blame ex for keeping her from spending Christmas with her kids because she thinks they have to "quarantine" away from her.

Yes, it’s clear that OP’s brother is a selfish POS. Why would she want to spend time with him regardless of covid?

[Anonymous]

OP, you're not being unreasonable. You are entitled to a preference to not go but I don't think that is what you want. You want to go. Do not put up with fun being poked at you. That's not warranted. If you can't change this year --- this about how you are treated, and the differences between families -- going forward. Next year. Future years. If being together is not pleasant or agreeable to you, change it. Change up the details of the day.

[Anonymous]

If your kids are in person school, seeing friends, going into stores, etc. they are at just as much risk as his kids.