This is slightly irritating (Covid risk tolerance and family)

[Anonymous]

I’m immunosupreased, and if it were just me I would have stayed at home. But DD ( fully vaccinated) is severely depressed and I think that being with cousins will be good for her. And so far I’m right, it has been lovely.

I made a decision that I am just not going to be around unvaccinated adults. It’s a bit of an arbitrary line but you have to draw the line somewhere. Most of my in laws are vaccinated so this isn’t an issue. I’m just not going to the houses of those who aren’t vaxxed and I’m skipping out on the big Christmas Eve family gathering. But the few that are not vaccinated keep asking me (via DH) if I would be go if they took other precautions. What if they wear masks? What if they stay six feet away? What if they take a test beforehand? What if they do some of the dinner outside? One of them said he and his wife and kids just wouldn’t go to the Christmas Eve event if I wasn’t comfortable because, they felt bad that I’m not going because of them.

I appreciate their consideration and it’s nice that they want to be around me, but they are putting me in the situation of constantly having to enforce a boundary. It’s not a big deal, but it’s starting to look like I’m overly cautious and never pleased. And with the BIL who says be just won’t go, he is putting me in the position of determining whether or not he will go to an event that be really wants to go to. This doesn’t make sense because one or three other unvaccinated adults will be there but he is still adamant that he won’t go if I can’t.

This is not a big deal but I just wish people would respect my boundary and stop pushing. Why can’t the people who chose not to get vaccinated be the ones who take the fall for “making it” so I can’t go? Especially when I’m not giving them crap for it? I would just like it if people said “oh yeah your decision makes total sense, of course you don’t want to put yourself at risk” and drop it.

[Anonymous]

OP here and wow that was a lot of words for something I don’t even feel that strongly about. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

“Carl and Lisa, thank you so much for your offer, but this is your family, and you should go. I’ve made a decision for myself, and I’m going to skip this one. I look forward to seeing everyone another time.”

Just be firm. It is 100% you who should skip—this is not your family of origin.

[Anonymous]

No one will be able to keep up with your arbitrary behavior. In or out. Either it is safe to travel and see people, or it is not.

[Anonymous]

Those are some of the most considerate anti-vaxers I’ve ever heard of. Those traits tend to be mutually exclusive. I think the first response is the right one. Hang in there - you are doing the right thing.

[Anonymous]

You need to skip this event. It’s not your blood family, and it’s you who are making arbitrary lines in the sand all over the place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Carl and Lisa, thank you so much for your offer, but this is your family, and you should go. I’ve made a decision for myself, and I’m going to skip this one. I look forward to seeing everyone another time.”

Just be firm. It is 100% you who should skip—this is not your family of origin.

I totally agree it’s me that should skip and I’m surprised they even brought up the idea in the first place! It’s DH who is doing the communicating and finally he just said that I wouldn’t go even if they were vaccinated because it is a massive gathering, maybe fifty people in a crowded space. Sometimes you have to lie to keep the peace, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to skip this event. It’s not your blood family, and it’s you who are making arbitrary lines in the sand all over the place.

My line isn’t arbitrary. I’m just not going to be around unvaccinated adults. That’s it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one will be able to keep up with your arbitrary behavior. In or out. Either it is safe to travel and see people, or it is not.

I really don’t think it’s arbitrary. I don’t think you can ever be fully safe in any circumstances. “Either it’s safe to drive or it’s not.” Well, it’s not safe because people die in car crashes all the time but I’m still going to take the risk. In this case I have just said “no unvaccinated adults” as a way of balancing risk and benefit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those are some of the most considerate anti-vaxers I’ve ever heard of. Those traits tend to be mutually exclusive. I think the first response is the right one. Hang in there - you are doing the right thing.

Yes they really are so considerate and they are what keeps me from writing off all anti-vaxxers as selfish a holes.

[Anonymous]

Can you just tell a white lie and say that your doctor said that you shouldn’t be in large groups? I’m 8 months pregnant with twins and have cancelled all travel and plans, but a week ago when I was planning to go to holiday gatherings, I just said that my doctor said I can’t be in large groups, can’t be with unvaccinated, whatever depending on the circumstance if I wasn’t comfortable with the particular get-together. Made things much easier.

[Anonymous]

I mean, they're trying to be nice.
And, you ask why don't the unvaccinated take the fall -- this is exactly what your BIL is trying to do. I don't agree with their actions, but they are trying to hold their own boundary (which of course we don't agree with, but it's their boundary) and still be accommodating to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one will be able to keep up with your arbitrary behavior. In or out. Either it is safe to travel and see people, or it is not.

I really don’t think it’s arbitrary. I don’t think you can ever be fully safe in any circumstances. “Either it’s safe to drive or it’s not.” Well, it’s not safe because people die in car crashes all the time but I’m still going to take the risk. In this case I have just said “no unvaccinated adults” as a way of balancing risk and benefit.

Then speak up, be firm, say you prefer to skip so that they can see their family. Your decision should not impact whether other people choose to socialize with them. Be crystal clear. It’s not your family, so you should not take the opportunity even though they are offering it.

[Anonymous]

By not caring about them one little bit. This means not caring what they think about you!

Also, and I'm not criticizing your actions, far from it, but I think your situation is confusing. You're there, because of your daughter who needs socializing, so they're a bit fuzzy about your boundaries.

My friend who is immunosuppressed is not going anywhere. That's a much clearer line in the sand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one will be able to keep up with your arbitrary behavior. In or out. Either it is safe to travel and see people, or it is not.

I really don’t think it’s arbitrary. I don’t think you can ever be fully safe in any circumstances. “Either it’s safe to drive or it’s not.” Well, it’s not safe because people die in car crashes all the time but I’m still going to take the risk. In this case I have just said “no unvaccinated adults” as a way of balancing risk and benefit.

You do you! But in this case your husband and child will still be going, correct? So I’m not really sure what this is accomplishing, unless you plan to stay away from them following the gathering too.