Splitting elder care with siblings
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Anonymous
| My elderly parent may be moving into my home permanently. My siblings have the space too but don’t want to do it. Should I charge my parent for rent, food, and cleaners? Even being paid doesn’t make up for the inconvenience and resentment of a narcissistic personality, but it would help a little I think? Parent has practically no money except for SS. Siblings’ families and my own family are all well off. |
Anonymous
| No, move them into assisted living or a nursing home. |
Anonymous
| How did you get suckered into this? |
Anonymous
Are you the same poster who tries to scare childfree posters with “ Who’s going to take care of you when you’re old”? |
Anonymous
| Do not move your parent in if you are this resentful. Find a residential. If your parent didn't save look into options for low income. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for health issues, resentment and misery. |
Anonymous
| If they have no money, why would you bother charging them rent, food and cleaners? They won't be able to pay it. What's the point? |
Anonymous
Reading comprehension. OP is talking about charging her siblings for the rent/food/cleaners. |
Anonymous
Agreed. Don’t move them in with you. If it becomes unbearable you’ll be “kicking out on the street” and your siblings are going to blame you. Now is the time to figure out a nursing home and get your siblings to contribute. |
Anonymous
No, I am someone who spent years taking care of my MIL and in a similar situation. She only had social security. I couldn't leave her alone and we couldn't afford help. None of the relatives helped, even for an hour, but wanted to dictate what happened. Now I am going through it with one of my parents, and the rest of my family including that parent treats me badly and I learned to stay NO. (but I loved my MIL and she was very kind to me so I was willing to do it). I have kids, which made it very hard as they'd miss their school/preschool and therapy (for SN) if my spouse couldn't flex his day at one point because I was scared to leave her home alone. |
Anonymous
If she is on social security, apply for food stamps to see if they qualify. My MIL did and I used them no issue. I would charge rent/utilities, not cleaners. |
Anonymous
New poster here. Siblings are under no obligation to pay OP. |
Anonymous
When my father moved in with us for what was the last illness of his life, he and my sister insisted on him paying something. I was reluctant, for obvious reasons, but they insisted. It was more than covering his expenses but less than they originally proposed and about 50% less than assisted living. So in the end, we all benefited. Aside from covering the additional costs - which were about $1k a month- it was meaningful in that they were cognizant of the extra work it involved. I am now a convert for it for other people, because it does cost more and there is more work. |
Anonymous
Re-read it again- she says "charge my parent" - not her siblings. |
Anonymous
|
OP I would open the conversation with your siblings about supplementing mom's income to afford assisted living or a nursing home depending upon her level of need.
Trust me, it'll seem like a bargain. |
Anonymous
| My advice is if you are thinking about assisted living at all,and they are accepted into a facility, better to do it now then later as that window closes very quickly and you will be left with no options. Four months ago I toured multiple senior care places with my mom and she decided to just stay in her home. I am back to visit and in just under 4 mos, her decline is unbelievable and shocking. She’s burned any unassisted/assisted living cards and would have to go into a nursing home- which she would never survive, |