Different treatment to teens with SN in mainstream?

[Anonymous]

My daughter who does not have special needs joined a program to help special needs kids in the school. What I find so interesting is some of the kids who volunteer in that program are the same kids who were cruel to my son who has special needs, but is in mainstream classes. They proudly pose with kids who are in a special needs focused classroom and seem devoted to showing kindness to those students, yet my son and his other friends with special needs who are in the same classes as these volunteers are fair game for cruelty. Has anyone else noticed this? I assume they don't understand that their classroom peers could have special needs and that you should be respectful to all people? My son was actively targeted by one these volunteers.

[Anonymous]

You've got it, OP, and it's been that way for ever. Invisible special needs are fair game. My son has had a few issues like yours.

[Anonymous]

It's not just a school thing. It's an adult-on-adult thing, too.

[Anonymous]

This is something I have witnessed firsthand with my own daughter! My son has invisible disabilities and even though she completely understands how hard everything is for him and sees the struggles firsthand, she is also the first to get frustrated with him. Yet, her absolute favorite thing in the world is working with Friendship Circle and she hopes to become a special education teacher.

When I talk to her about it, she says that her brother "should" get it but the other kids she works with are lower. Yet, her brother is majorly impacted and will never lead a normal life even though he can blend in with the mainstream kids.

I also see it a lot with adults, so your story does not surprise me at all.

[Anonymous]

I have seen the same thing. I think these programs are so misguided. In fourth or fifth grade I let my daughter participate in one and at the end of the year when they did the year in review all I could think about was how fake it was. My daughter, who is lovely (yes I know I’m biased) and who grew up with silent special needs brothers, would never be friends with the kids she befriended in the program. They just had nothing in common. It felt like superior versus inferior. That the volunteers had something to offer and the participants were grateful takers. That’s not to say she has no friends with special needs. But they came together as a result of their common interests.

[Anonymous]

They do it for their resume not because they care.

[Anonymous]

I think there needs to be more training about what inclusion really means. Some of these teens humblebrag on social media with photos of themselves with their "special needs" friend. This is a human being with a heart and mind. Those kids you torment are human beings with hearts and minds. You are not a savior. You are simply connecting with someone who has different challenges than the ones you face and who has strengths you may not even know. Put your camera down. Stop trying to get false praise and get to know the student you are paired up with and other kids who seem different to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They do it for their resume not because they care.

Too often this is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not just a school thing. It's an adult-on-adult thing, too.

It's and adult-on-kid thing, too. Parents on these boards are always complaining about "that kid" in their child's class. The kids sometimes get (implicit) permission to tease from their parents' attitudes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not just a school thing. It's an adult-on-adult thing, too.

It's and adult-on-kid thing, too. Parents on these boards are always complaining about "that kid" in their child's class. The kids sometimes get (implicit) permission to tease from their parents' attitudes.

Exactly! This thread, for example: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1021193.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there needs to be more training about what inclusion really means. Some of these teens humblebrag on social media with photos of themselves with their "special needs" friend. This is a human being with a heart and mind. Those kids you torment are human beings with hearts and minds. You are not a savior. You are simply connecting with someone who has different challenges than the ones you face and who has strengths you may not even know. Put your camera down. Stop trying to get false praise and get to know the student you are paired up with and other kids who seem different to you.

This is how their parents behave. They are the PTA folks who do the absolute minimum, pose for a picture, pat themselves on the back and move on to the next opportunity. They don't learn compassion or how to be a decent person as the examples for them are this. Their parents use others for their own gain and that's all these kids know.

This is why I'd never let my child be mentored.

[Anonymous]

We who have kids with severe disabilities are not fooled by the volunteer kids who show up for an hour and then leave. We know they are not real friends to our kids and our kids know it as well. My child has suffered trauma from having several of these children drop her at the end of the class or semester and I simply don't allow it anymore.

[Anonymous]

Um, adults do this too. OP, do you go out of your way to spend time with and truly include people your own age with disabilities?

[Anonymous]

Yes, my dc, who is very bright but was at a day school, was INCREDIBLY offended by a program at her school where same age kids came in from a nearby school for "friend" activities. She refused to participate.

[Anonymous]

My DC is in a special placement and has an invisible disability. Same thing - the Gen Ed kids don’t really include her. But, she signed up to participate in Best Buddies because she actually wanted to make friends with kids in LFI. It makes her feel less alone and she’s interested in learning about their disabilities. She came home telling me about some assistive technology she learned about and asked if it is something that might help her too. So that’s another perspective. It didn’t even occur to my kid to be doing it for recognition or “pity.” She literally wanted to connect with other kids with disabilities. She doesn’t realize her disability is invisible and that others expect more from her than she is capable of because she’s speaking.