Teen “lost and found” bin diving

[Anonymous]

We are not in need at all but Our teen has been diving the lost and found bin with her friends. They find it cool to dress with other peoples clothes, bags, stationery and even happy to use other peoples waterbottles and winter coats for a few days. So we have this random clothes and stuff that keep appearing and disappearing. We “discuss” but it is a battle. They don’t consider it stealing as they claim they put it back or pass around their friends. But her school lost and found is a super super big heap that other kids don’t seem to care if they have lost a $200 winter coat. She claims It’s a heap that has spilled from numerous shelves and bins to being all over the floor and hence no one cares if she and her friends go for it and let it go back there after they are done with it. the school staff apparently deals with it by transferring some of the crazy excess right from lost and found floors or shelves to the garbage bin next to it.

Wonder if it’s a phase or it’s a battle worth having! She doesn’t even wash them because she comes home wearing it and that’s also another discussion point!

[Anonymous]

I would insist that she puts it back in the bin after "borrowing" it.

[Anonymous]

She claims she does return it and I think so because the clothes disappear after a while and she gets “new” ones. Sometimes her friend will come over wearing what she wore the week before or using a water bottle (I could tell from the stickers of some other random kids name still on it) that she was drinking out of two weeks back. It’s bizarre, unhygienic and it’s not like she has no clothes or stationery or water bottles. We have like tons of all kinds of waterbottles in our cupboards and her closet is full. It is like they are just bored and the mall is right at their doorstep. the battle continues…… anyone btdt?

[Anonymous]

I think the kids are smoking/ingesting weed. Bin diving (and finding it fun) is some straight up stoner behavior.

[Anonymous]

I think I would ignore if she is returning stuff. The water bottle thing would ick me out. I’d probably just take it when she wasn’t looking and donate/return it to school. If she asked about it, I’d just say I hadn’t seen it.

[Anonymous]

The water bottle thing is downright gross. But the clothes…I work in an elementary school and the lost and found pile doesn’t move! Kids walk by it every day and don’t recognize or grab their things. So I imagine it’s similar in HS. Kind of random, but not as big a deal to me as the water bottles.

[Anonymous]

This is weird and would concern me more about what other behavior was going on I didn’t know about, and also the choice of friends.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I doubt it is weed or I will be totally all over her and shutting her down. School grades are great and among the top 5% of her cohort so not complaining too much there.

Her friends apart from this, seem pretty decent. They don’t seem to do anything else. We also try to keep our house as open as possible so that they can come by and we observe. So far no other tell tale signs and they just sit in the family room doing nothing and laughing over Instagram feeds, selfies and the usual teen stuff.

The waterbottle thing also is icky to me and I cant understand why you put your lips to someone else’s bottle. I asked the other girl too why she would use want to drink out of someone else bottle and she said she doesn’t know. Bored was the word and says they wash it with hot water and it’s probably similar to drinking out of a cup at a restaurant. *shake head*

Similarly they use other peoples stationery which has all someone else’s random hand all over it and you aren’t sure what they have done with it. My husband chews his pens so I know how gross those can be filled with spit and all!

But next year. They are off to college so it’s a battle I am not sure we will win…

[Anonymous]

Thrifting seems to be big these days; I guess this is just the next level? I wouldn't be a fan, but I also wouldn't jump to conclusions that she's suddenly become a stoner.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a teen version of the dress up bin in preschool. I would ignore.

[Anonymous]

While I didn’t borrow from the lost and found, I used to visit Value Village. Basically, we thrifted before it was acceptable or cool. It was a way to spend time with friends and create connection over finding something unusual to wear or figuring out ways to wear something. We came up with some odd ideas.

The bottom line is it was fun. The water bottles gross me out. The question is whether this is a battle worth fighting, if she is putting the stuff back.

[Anonymous]

It's easy to justify this...oh mom nobody takes their stuff back, at least it's getting use blah bah. Unless the school policy is that anyone can borrow from the lost and found, she is doing something wrong. It's not shoplifting, but it is entitled to assume it's OK. Many schools have a policy it sits there for x months and then is donated. So presumably there is a teen in need who can get the stuff. Your teen is not in need. Let her go thrift shopping unless she gets actual permission for "borrowing." She needs to learn the rules apply to her too even if it seems inane.

[Anonymous]

She could get accused of stealing if someone who doesn't know she lost her jacket sees it on her daughter.

Also, so many times my kids lose things and I remind to check the lost of found only to hear "Mom, it's NOT there!" I would be pretty annoyed to find out Sheila who isn't in need decided to "borrow" the jacket I worked hard to be able to afford for my kid. Sure you can blame my kids, if it's your thing to blame kids with ADHD who are getting help and on meds. How about instead you teach Sheila not to take things that are not hers even if it is just for fun and just for a little while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a teen version of the dress up bin in preschool. I would ignore.

The dress up bin in preschool is there for the kids. You are paying for your kid to be able to play during class time and put it back. It's part of healthy child development. Taking clothing that is not yours without permission is not part of healthy development. I don't care if they put it back. It sounds like one puts it back and another takes it so basically if anyone goes to find their lost clothing they won't because these girls think it's totally fine to pass around what someone lost. What if that hoodie was purchases by one of the kids at school living at the poverty level. What is mom is going to flip out because they can't afford to buy another and the girl can't find it at school. Or what if it belongs to some rich kid? You don't know. Teach your kid she isn't special. I don't care if the pile sits there all year. unless she has permission, it is not her place to decide it's fine to take someone else's clothing whether it's for a day, a week or a month. How is this not obvious? If it does not belong to you and you didn't pay for it and it's not being offered to you for free, then you can't just take it. Boundaries matter.

[Anonymous]

Is she a fan of Billie Eilish? Isn't there a joke about Billie dressing like her clothes come out of the lost and found bin? Maybe they're trying to imitate that.