Help me understand shoplifting

[Anonymous]

I just don’t understand it. Older teen, plenty of consequences, therapy help for other issues but this is also discuss. It’s really heartbreaking and scary. No parenting advice just help me understand how your kid got to the other side of it please.

[Anonymous]

I shoplifted in hs because while my parents were well-off, they were extremely parsimonious and basically wouldn’t pay for anything beyond education, extracurricular activities and very basic clothing. I worked as a babysitter but that didn’t give me enough once I paid for gas and things with friends. I stole a couple of tiny things like hair clips or earrings because I wanted them, no other real reason. I did it a few times and then stopped because I realized it was idiotic and I’ve been a model citizen ever since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand it. Older teen, plenty of consequences, therapy help for other issues but this is also discuss. It’s really heartbreaking and scary. No parenting advice just help me understand how your kid got to the other side of it please.

I was abused and didn’t want to ask my parents for money they had to buy a friend a birthday gift. Was terrified of being shouted at or worse. So tried to shoplift and it failed. Parents were called. I was beaten w a broom handle and punished and shamed for weeks. Just cause I wanted to buy a friend a magic 8 ball and coloring books. Parents had the money.

[Anonymous]

1) thrill

2) want something and don’t have the money

I know this is weird but when my abusive husband cut me off financially I shoplifted a little at the grocery store. Would “forget” to ring up an item or leave it in the bottom of the cart until past the checkout. I was watching every penny. But it was psychological. Also when I was pregnant and we had no money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) thrill

2) want something and don’t have the money

I know this is weird but when my abusive husband cut me off financially I shoplifted a little at the grocery store. Would “forget” to ring up an item or leave it in the bottom of the cart until past the checkout. I was watching every penny. But it was psychological. Also when I was pregnant and we had no money.

I’ve done this too and was anxious about money. I stopped but it was hard. It’s embarrassing. You’re not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand it. Older teen, plenty of consequences, therapy help for other issues but this is also discuss. It’s really heartbreaking and scary. No parenting advice just help me understand how your kid got to the other side of it please.

I was abused and didn’t want to ask my parents for money they had to buy a friend a birthday gift. Was terrified of being shouted at or worse. So tried to shoplift and it failed. Parents were called. I was beaten w a broom handle and punished and shamed for weeks. Just cause I wanted to buy a friend a magic 8 ball and coloring books. Parents had the money.

I’m so sorry. I hope you’re doing well these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand it. Older teen, plenty of consequences, therapy help for other issues but this is also discuss. It’s really heartbreaking and scary. No parenting advice just help me understand how your kid got to the other side of it please.

I was abused and didn’t want to ask my parents for money they had to buy a friend a birthday gift. Was terrified of being shouted at or worse. So tried to shoplift and it failed. Parents were called. I was beaten w a broom handle and punished and shamed for weeks. Just cause I wanted to buy a friend a magic 8 ball and coloring books. Parents had the money.

I’m so sorry. I hope you’re doing well these days.

Thank you. Managing alright I think. The question triggered me and memories.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you might benefit from family therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you might benefit from family therapy.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) thrill

2) want something and don’t have the money

I know this is weird but when my abusive husband cut me off financially I shoplifted a little at the grocery store. Would “forget” to ring up an item or leave it in the bottom of the cart until past the checkout. I was watching every penny. But it was psychological. Also when I was pregnant and we had no money.

I’ve done this too and was anxious about money. I stopped but it was hard. It’s embarrassing. You’re not alone.

Same. For me it was actually a way to relieve guilt over buying things. Mostly I stole things for my baby— a cute pair of leggings at Target or the organic blueberries that I felt guilty buying because they cost twice as much. Sometimes also things for me, but small things. A cheap lipstick, a warm pair of socks.

For me, I felt less guilt about stealing these things from some big box store that likely had a certain amount of theft built into their business model, than I felt buying them and feeling like I was overspending because money was so tight.

OP is there a reason your son might feel guilt over spending money, or Shane around not being able to afford something? I’d start there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) thrill

2) want something and don’t have the money

I know this is weird but when my abusive husband cut me off financially I shoplifted a little at the grocery store. Would “forget” to ring up an item or leave it in the bottom of the cart until past the checkout. I was watching every penny. But it was psychological. Also when I was pregnant and we had no money.

I’ve done this too and was anxious about money. I stopped but it was hard. It’s embarrassing. You’re not alone.

Same. For me it was actually a way to relieve guilt over buying things. Mostly I stole things for my baby— a cute pair of leggings at Target or the organic blueberries that I felt guilty buying because they cost twice as much. Sometimes also things for me, but small things. A cheap lipstick, a warm pair of socks.

For me, I felt less guilt about stealing these things from some big box store that likely had a certain amount of theft built into their business model, than I felt buying them and feeling like I was overspending because money was so tight.

OP is there a reason your son might feel guilt over spending money, or Shane around not being able to afford something? I’d start there.

Stealing is stealing. Don’t try to sugar cost it because it’s Target. The lack of accountability on your part is shameful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) thrill

2) want something and don’t have the money

I know this is weird but when my abusive husband cut me off financially I shoplifted a little at the grocery store. Would “forget” to ring up an item or leave it in the bottom of the cart until past the checkout. I was watching every penny. But it was psychological. Also when I was pregnant and we had no money.

I’ve done this too and was anxious about money. I stopped but it was hard. It’s embarrassing. You’re not alone.

Same. For me it was actually a way to relieve guilt over buying things. Mostly I stole things for my baby— a cute pair of leggings at Target or the organic blueberries that I felt guilty buying because they cost twice as much. Sometimes also things for me, but small things. A cheap lipstick, a warm pair of socks.

For me, I felt less guilt about stealing these things from some big box store that likely had a certain amount of theft built into their business model, than I felt buying them and feeling like I was overspending because money was so tight.

OP is there a reason your son might feel guilt over spending money, or Shane around not being able to afford something? I’d start there.

Stealing is stealing. Don’t try to sugar cost it because it’s Target. The lack of accountability on your part is shameful.

Really rude thing to say. Next time, note the tense the writer is using before responding.

[Anonymous]

My mom was poor and I wanted things she couldn’t afford.

If somebody shoplifts and has enough things they want, it might be about needing a thrill, as a PP said. My brother was like this. He got caught shoplifting a 2-dollar air freshener when he was an adult.

Some brains just can’t be content with the stimulation around them so they find more somewhere else. This is why people with untreated ADHD are at higher risk for drug/alcohol abuse.

There is also the issue with impulse control, which often stems from lack of mindfulness. If you don’t check in with yourself and realize that what you’re thinking and feeling are okay, you might regularly feel like they aren’t okay and do whatever strikes your fancy to change how you feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) thrill

2) want something and don’t have the money

I know this is weird but when my abusive husband cut me off financially I shoplifted a little at the grocery store. Would “forget” to ring up an item or leave it in the bottom of the cart until past the checkout. I was watching every penny. But it was psychological. Also when I was pregnant and we had no money.

I’ve done this too and was anxious about money. I stopped but it was hard. It’s embarrassing. You’re not alone.

Same. For me it was actually a way to relieve guilt over buying things. Mostly I stole things for my baby— a cute pair of leggings at Target or the organic blueberries that I felt guilty buying because they cost twice as much. Sometimes also things for me, but small things. A cheap lipstick, a warm pair of socks.

For me, I felt less guilt about stealing these things from some big box store that likely had a certain amount of theft built into their business model, than I felt buying them and feeling like I was overspending because money was so tight.

OP is there a reason your son might feel guilt over spending money, or Shane around not being able to afford something? I’d start there.

Stealing is stealing. Don’t try to sugar cost it because it’s Target. The lack of accountability on your part is shameful.

Those stealing can cause the manager of Target to get fired. Many managers of Target and Walmart have high school degrees. Too much theft on your part means these hard working people get fired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) thrill

2) want something and don’t have the money

I know this is weird but when my abusive husband cut me off financially I shoplifted a little at the grocery store. Would “forget” to ring up an item or leave it in the bottom of the cart until past the checkout. I was watching every penny. But it was psychological. Also when I was pregnant and we had no money.

I’ve done this too and was anxious about money. I stopped but it was hard. It’s embarrassing. You’re not alone.

Same. For me it was actually a way to relieve guilt over buying things. Mostly I stole things for my baby— a cute pair of leggings at Target or the organic blueberries that I felt guilty buying because they cost twice as much. Sometimes also things for me, but small things. A cheap lipstick, a warm pair of socks.

For me, I felt less guilt about stealing these things from some big box store that likely had a certain amount of theft built into their business model, than I felt buying them and feeling like I was overspending because money was so tight.

OP is there a reason your son might feel guilt over spending money, or Shane around not being able to afford something? I’d start there.

Stealing is stealing. Don’t try to sugar cost it because it’s Target. The lack of accountability on your part is shameful.

Really rude thing to say. Next time, note the tense the writer is using before responding.

There is nothing rude about calling a thief a thief.