How to Deal With Unwanted Suggestions/Criticism

[Anonymous]

We had families over for Thanksgiving. We have an infant and the remarks/unsolicited advice all day was so annoying. My mom and MIL talked about how
“ spoiled” parents are these days with all these gadgets, and how back then they did the “ hard work” of parenting. We have the Snoo and they both made remarks about if being “ lazy” parenting. They gave us advice about how we need to move the baby out of our room because we don’t want to get him used to being in there. He’s an infant and doesn’t even know which room is which at this age. They talked about sleep training because he will get use to the device and not be able to sleep on his own. My sister made a comment about how I “ gave up” too early when breastfeeding and now have to supplement because I didn’t “ work hard enough” to make breastfeeding successful. I did and I have low supply and need to supplement. Other comments were about his he “ sleeps too much” and he would sleep longer at night if I kept him up during the day. My mom and MIL claimed they did that with all of us as kids. I expected some of this but it really irritated both my husband and I. I feel we have handled the newborn stage really well and I feel happy how things are going. My husband has been over it, but I’m a little more sensitive and it just really irritates me.

[Anonymous]

My kids are now 12, 9, and 6 and I'm secure in my parents.

The comments from my ILs used to annoy me when I was younger, when I was more insecure about things / felt like I didn't know what I was doing.

[Anonymous]

Ignore them. You are doing great. I find that moms/MILs that give advice like that are either making it up or completely misremembering how it was to be a parent. Your kid will be fine and this stage will pass. Practice firmly setting boundaries with responses that change the subject every. single. time.

[Anonymous]

"You gave up too early when breastfeeding."

"Ok."

"Your kid sleeps too much"

"Ok."

"Blah blah blah, some unwanted suggestion."

"Ok."

There doesn't have to be a substantive response to any of it, OP. Some people think that because they've BTDT, that they have some special oracle wisdom about what will work on your particular kid. If you feel you've handled the newborn stage well, then that's all that matters.

[Anonymous]

"Thanks for sharing your opinion. You got to raise your kids how you want, and I get to raise mine how I want."

[Anonymous]

I remember vividly with my first the moment I was botrle feeding him and my ILs freaked out. My MIL was lecturing me on how bad giving a newborn ( he was a week old) is and how it will ruin breastfeeding. We had to supplement in the beginning and I went on to breastfeed for a year. I remember thinking she was crazy and his concerned she looked over feeding him a bottle. I laugh about it now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember vividly with my first the moment I was botrle feeding him and my ILs freaked out. My MIL was lecturing me on how bad giving a newborn ( he was a week old) is and how it will ruin breastfeeding. We had to supplement in the beginning and I went on to breastfeed for a year. I remember thinking she was crazy and his concerned she looked over feeding him a bottle. I laugh about it now.

* how

[Anonymous]

Mine smoked at the dinner table and fed me Tang, so I really don't care what they say.

[Anonymous]

Just ignore it.

[Anonymous]

OP, unless you ask for opinions, giving opinions is rude. Even when it's family.

Forget for a moment it's family -- how do you deal with rude people? You change the subject. Next, you probably say that you don't want to talk about it. Next you probably say that you are uncomfortable with this conversation and find it rude that they keep commenting. Next you leave the room. Next you scale back time together.

Point is: you treat them like you would anyone. They are rude. You deal with that.

BUT you and DH have to make sure that you are not making the conversation about your baby, your babies habits, what you are doing about schedules, how hard it is, how hard decisions are. If you do that - people ARE going to weigh-in and problem solve.

[Anonymous]

The judgement won't end for a long time.

The "ok" above is good, or, "thanks, we'll take that under consideration." Either way, just do what is right for you and your family and block out the rest as noise.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. I am happy with how things are going. That's all you need to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are now 12, 9, and 6 and I'm secure in my parents.

The comments from my ILs used to annoy me when I was younger, when I was more insecure about things / felt like I didn't know what I was doing.

+1. I remember how heartbroken I used to get about comments/criticisms about my parenting when eldest DC was a baby! 5 years later I don’t care anymore. I’m sorry OP. Just need to develop a thick skin. Easier said than done, I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The judgement won't end for a long time.

The "ok" above is good, or, "thanks, we'll take that under consideration." Either way, just do what is right for you and your family and block out the rest as noise.

Yes.

You can also use:

"I'll take that under advisement."
"I'll take that into consideration."

Consider it worth putting into the metaphorical trashcan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Thanks for sharing your opinion. You got to raise your kids how you want, and I get to raise mine how I want."

Unnecessary. Just nod and say "ok". Do what you want to do, their comments does not require a confrontation from you. Gray rock them.