Why is my family attacking me like this?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been no-contact with my mother, and my whole family because of this, for over a year. It’s a long story rich in a history of emotional abuse, and all I can say is it’s been better this way, healing. But now as we arrive at this interim time between Thanksgiving and Christmas, something is happening: All of a sudden I’m being bombarded by texts from family members who I haven’t heard from in years.

They’ll start by asking benign questions to reel me in, and then explain to me how much I’m hurting my mother, how it’s time I talk to her again. When I explain that I just can’t, the mood changes completely and I’m attacked! From three different people I’ve been told that I have “never deserved anything good”, that I’m “disappointing and cold hearted”, and one person told me that my side of the story doesn’t matter and that they “will ALWAYS take your mother’s side”. All of these arrived within the last three days.

I haven’t responded to any of them further, but I’m sitting here like wtf just happened! And what do I do with this? These are my family members who I had a fine and loving relationship with until I stopped speaking with my mother. I don’t so much care that they’re angry with me, I knew this would happen and I’ve resigned myself to it. But why are they doing this? Attacking me? What is their end game? Surely they can’t expect to spew such hate and expect me to have a relationship with them? So what’s the point in attacking me?

[Anonymous]

Why don't you block them?

[Anonymous]

Look up Dr. Ramani on YouTube. These are flying monkeys.

I’d block and ignore, get a new phone number if you have to.

[Anonymous]

Block them all. Change your number and move in with life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you block them?

I should have said I am blocking them. I block one, and then another reaches out. I guess I just have to block them all.

[Anonymous]

Clearly your mother was telling her sad story over Thanksgiving. There was probably crying involved. Now your relatives are trying to step into the breach.

[Anonymous]

That sounds horrible, OP. I'm so sorry. One thing that made my no-contact period with my mother so refreshing was that her sisters all knew exactly why I was going no contact and while they listened sympathetically to my mother's complaints, refused to engage any further. They knew exactly who was at fault.

Perhaps your mother told these people the most awful lies to get them so riled up? Or if it's only texts, perhaps she got hold of their phones somehow? I agree that it seems like a very pointless attack.

[Anonymous]

These people are also in a toxic relationship with your mother. So she is gas lighting them with her version of events. Since they know you, and feel fondly for you, they think they can act as a middle man. But they can't really do that, because they are still too caught up in the toxic world your mother has created.

This is just a guess.

I'd work on this in therapy. It will help give you tools how to handle this as you move forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look up Dr. Ramani on YouTube. These are flying monkeys.

I’d block and ignore, get a new phone number if you have to.

Wow. Interesting! I’m definitely watching her video on my lunch hour. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Your mom's been talking about how abused she was by you cutting her off, and they have fallen for it.
Don't argue with them or even talk to them. If they would go so far as to attack you like they have, they have fallen for her story, hook, line and sinker. You'll never be able to counteract the "poor mom who is neglected by her kid" story line.
This happened to DH and siblings by a narcissistic mom. She enjoyed the limelight telling her side of things. Her friends and extended family think DH is horrible (undeservedly.)

[Anonymous]

We don't know what happened, so honestly you could be right or you could be spoiled snowflake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mom's been talking about how abused she was by you cutting her off, and they have fallen for it.
Don't argue with them or even talk to them. If they would go so far as to attack you like they have, they have fallen for her story, hook, line and sinker. You'll never be able to counteract the "poor mom who is neglected by her kid" story line.
This happened to DH and siblings by a narcissistic mom. She enjoyed the limelight telling her side of things. Her friends and extended family think DH is horrible (undeservedly.)

This is exactly what I think happened. Nobody believes she could be horrible because emotional abuse leaves no scars. This just sucks! I don’t know what else to say. It’s just so sad that literally everyone has turned on me. Not one person is in my corner. Oh well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't know what happened, so honestly you could be right or you could be spoiled snowflake.

We were all patiently waiting for you to post!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mom's been talking about how abused she was by you cutting her off, and they have fallen for it.
Don't argue with them or even talk to them. If they would go so far as to attack you like they have, they have fallen for her story, hook, line and sinker. You'll never be able to counteract the "poor mom who is neglected by her kid" story line.
This happened to DH and siblings by a narcissistic mom. She enjoyed the limelight telling her side of things. Her friends and extended family think DH is horrible (undeservedly.)

This is exactly what I think happened. Nobody believes she could be horrible because emotional abuse leaves no scars. This just sucks! I don’t know what else to say. It’s just so sad that literally everyone has turned on me. Not one person is in my corner. Oh well!

It really is sad OP, and you deserve better. But sometimes this sort of gangrene has spread throughout the family and you have no choice but to cut the limb off to save yourself. You are in your corner now in a way just like that child you were deserved to have someone in her corner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clearly your mother was telling her sad story over Thanksgiving. There was probably crying involved. Now your relatives are trying to step into the breach.

Yes, your mother clearly instigated this. The irony is that these relatives, by attacking you, are joining in your mother's emotional abuse. It's okay to block and ignore, OP. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.