I am that nosy relative

[Anonymous]

Some of my family members have married well and have successfully upgraded their lives in the last few years. Pretty soon it was apparent the significant others they were married to were very wealthy. Being relatively young, I am still flummoxed as to how they afford things. Big expensive lavish wedding, extravagant honeymoon, multiple trips, million dollar plus home, children, fancy furnishings and landscaping. My not very well-to-do mind explodes as I’ve never been so fortunate as to spend so much at such a short time.

How do these people afford all these grand expenses? How wealthy are these people? Who pays?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of my family members have married well and have successfully upgraded their lives in the last few years. Pretty soon it was apparent the significant others they were married to were very wealthy. Being relatively young, I am still flummoxed as to how they afford things. Big expensive lavish wedding, extravagant honeymoon, multiple trips, million dollar plus home, children, fancy furnishings and landscaping. My not very well-to-do mind explodes as I’ve never been so fortunate as to spend so much at such a short time.

How do these people afford all these grand expenses? How wealthy are these people? Who pays?

…how on earth would we know? But people accumulate more money as they age.

[Anonymous]

Inherited wealth. Wealthy inlaws/parents pushing it out to the next generation to avoid taxes.

[Anonymous]

They may be earning more than you realize (like by getting big bonuses). Or they may have other streams of income. When I was 27 I bought a studio condo in a then-sketchy area and I clear quite a bit by renting it out. But I never mention that to my relatives.

A lot of this really is just smart management and making use of opportunities. Small savings and investments snowball over time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of my family members have married well and have successfully upgraded their lives in the last few years. Pretty soon it was apparent the significant others they were married to were very wealthy. Being relatively young, I am still flummoxed as to how they afford things. Big expensive lavish wedding, extravagant honeymoon, multiple trips, million dollar plus home, children, fancy furnishings and landscaping. My not very well-to-do mind explodes as I’ve never been so fortunate as to spend so much at such a short time.

How do these people afford all these grand expenses? How wealthy are these people? Who pays?

LOL. I could tell you are young because children are a luxury in today's world

[Anonymous]

Parents, grandparents, usually. But sometimes a high salary or lucky investments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They may be earning more than you realize (like by getting big bonuses). Or they may have other streams of income. When I was 27 I bought a studio condo in a then-sketchy area and I clear quite a bit by renting it out. But I never mention that to my relatives.

A lot of this really is just smart management and making use of opportunities. Small savings and investments snowball over time.

I agree. I always here people say wealth must be family wealth. Plenty of people are quietly making their way on their own. Even people who don’t come from UMC or UC backgrounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They may be earning more than you realize (like by getting big bonuses). Or they may have other streams of income. When I was 27 I bought a studio condo in a then-sketchy area and I clear quite a bit by renting it out. But I never mention that to my relatives.

A lot of this really is just smart management and making use of opportunities. Small savings and investments snowball over time.

I agree. I always here people say wealth must be family wealth. Plenty of people are quietly making their way on their own. Even people who don’t come from UMC or UC backgrounds.

Gah “hear” not “here.” I’ve prolly totally discounted my opinion with that lame typo.

[Anonymous]

Are you genuinely curious and want people to explain? There are a lot of ways this can happen.
Wedding is paid for by parents or grandparents. I paid for my own wedding, but most people where I grew up (middle class, white, semi-rural Midwest) assumed my parents paid and as such my mom played “hostess” all weekend.
I married into a wealthier family and their kids all have graduate degrees and no student loans. That’s a huge leg up to start saving and investing your 20s.
My in-laws gave us a modest, but new car. Some people I know received 20% of their house cost for a down payment.
If grandparents are local and retired, they may provide childcare. In the DC area, that’s worth $24-40k a year.
Family may have a 2nd home or pay for vacations.
The mortgage on a $1M house is $3500-4000/mo. If one partner earns $80-100k, that pays for the house and utilities.

Some people live way beyond their means with leased cars and vacations and furniture racking up credit card debt. They make enough to pay minimums and keep afloat, but they are living paycheck to paycheck. I live in an affluent area and we live below our means. I was surprised to hear a woman at Pilates class say she had to hold off getting all of her sons’ school supplies until her husband got paid. I don’t know what exact day I get paid - I have enough of a cushion in my account I don’t think about it. It was a wake up call to me that a woman who drove a big black shiny SUV and takes $$$ Pilates classes was that close to the edge. Skipping a few classes would have paid for the supplies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you genuinely curious and want people to explain? There are a lot of ways this can happen.
Wedding is paid for by parents or grandparents. I paid for my own wedding, but most people where I grew up (middle class, white, semi-rural Midwest) assumed my parents paid and as such my mom played “hostess” all weekend.
I married into a wealthier family and their kids all have graduate degrees and no student loans. That’s a huge leg up to start saving and investing your 20s.
My in-laws gave us a modest, but new car. Some people I know received 20% of their house cost for a down payment.
If grandparents are local and retired, they may provide childcare. In the DC area, that’s worth $24-40k a year.
Family may have a 2nd home or pay for vacations.
The mortgage on a $1M house is $3500-4000/mo. If one partner earns $80-100k, that pays for the house and utilities.

Some people live way beyond their means with leased cars and vacations and furniture racking up credit card debt. They make enough to pay minimums and keep afloat, but they are living paycheck to paycheck. I live in an affluent area and we live below our means. I was surprised to hear a woman at Pilates class say she had to hold off getting all of her sons’ school supplies until her husband got paid. I don’t know what exact day I get paid - I have enough of a cushion in my account I don’t think about it. It was a wake up call to me that a woman who drove a big black shiny SUV and takes $$$ Pilates classes was that close to the edge. Skipping a few classes would have paid for the supplies.

I literally had to pick my jaw up off the floor after the Pilates story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you genuinely curious and want people to explain? There are a lot of ways this can happen.
Wedding is paid for by parents or grandparents. I paid for my own wedding, but most people where I grew up (middle class, white, semi-rural Midwest) assumed my parents paid and as such my mom played “hostess” all weekend.
I married into a wealthier family and their kids all have graduate degrees and no student loans. That’s a huge leg up to start saving and investing your 20s.
My in-laws gave us a modest, but new car. Some people I know received 20% of their house cost for a down payment.
If grandparents are local and retired, they may provide childcare. In the DC area, that’s worth $24-40k a year.
Family may have a 2nd home or pay for vacations.
The mortgage on a $1M house is $3500-4000/mo. If one partner earns $80-100k, that pays for the house and utilities.

Some people live way beyond their means with leased cars and vacations and furniture racking up credit card debt. They make enough to pay minimums and keep afloat, but they are living paycheck to paycheck. I live in an affluent area and we live below our means. I was surprised to hear a woman at Pilates class say she had to hold off getting all of her sons’ school supplies until her husband got paid. I don’t know what exact day I get paid - I have enough of a cushion in my account I don’t think about it. It was a wake up call to me that a woman who drove a big black shiny SUV and takes $$$ Pilates classes was that close to the edge. Skipping a few classes would have paid for the supplies.

I literally had to pick my jaw up off the floor after the Pilates story.

This is not surprising in the least. You never know what goes on inside somebody’s home, wallet or marriage. I live in an affluent neighborhood, I often wonder who is one paycheck away from disaster while driving down the streets. There are ‘rich’ people who are terrible with money and ‘poor’ people who are good with their money. Some people are addicted to credit and spending, others are more frugal.

[Anonymous]

Who cares? Enjoy your life.

[Anonymous]

It could be good money sense. I’m sure our families gossip about my family. DH and I are doing very well, compared to where we came from, and have a lot more than anyone on either side. It took 25+ years to get here. We bought a condo in an iffy neighborhood instead of renting when we were young, kept it and became landlords for years when we upgrading to a house and then kept doing that until we eventually sold it all and bought the 1M+ house in the nice area. We love our lavish vacations but we don’t spend money on other areas. It also took this long to be really comfortable with our salaries and careers and we both spend a lot of time working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents, grandparents, usually. But sometimes a high salary or lucky investments.

This sums it up, + married rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you genuinely curious and want people to explain? There are a lot of ways this can happen.
Wedding is paid for by parents or grandparents. I paid for my own wedding, but most people where I grew up (middle class, white, semi-rural Midwest) assumed my parents paid and as such my mom played “hostess” all weekend.
I married into a wealthier family and their kids all have graduate degrees and no student loans. That’s a huge leg up to start saving and investing your 20s.
My in-laws gave us a modest, but new car. Some people I know received 20% of their house cost for a down payment.
If grandparents are local and retired, they may provide childcare. In the DC area, that’s worth $24-40k a year.
Family may have a 2nd home or pay for vacations.
The mortgage on a $1M house is $3500-4000/mo. If one partner earns $80-100k, that pays for the house and utilities.

Some people live way beyond their means with leased cars and vacations and furniture racking up credit card debt. They make enough to pay minimums and keep afloat, but they are living paycheck to paycheck. I live in an affluent area and we live below our means. I was surprised to hear a woman at Pilates class say she had to hold off getting all of her sons’ school supplies until her husband got paid. I don’t know what exact day I get paid - I have enough of a cushion in my account I don’t think about it. It was a wake up call to me that a woman who drove a big black shiny SUV and takes $$$ Pilates classes was that close to the edge. Skipping a few classes would have paid for the supplies.

I literally had to pick my jaw up off the floor after the Pilates story.

Me too. The crazy part was that she said it like it was totally normal and everyone lives like that.