Loss of virginity announcement - What is happening!

[Anonymous]

I was googling looking for a friend's wedding registry so I could purchase a gift, when THIS popped up in the search results. Granted this is from 2007, but I just cannot believe what I read in this announcement.

https://locallygrownnorthfield.org/post/244

"Loss of virginity announcements are the one remaining stage of the life-cycle that’s not being covered by local media. Hence, we thought it important for Locally Grown to provide this public service. If you’d like to submit a loss of virginity announcement, use our Contact Us form. The event should have occurred some time in the past 6 months."

[Anonymous]

Must be a joke.

[Anonymous]

On that page it literally says "faux news"

[Anonymous]

I may be a little late, but I am registered at CrateandBarrel.com.

It was 1992, and he was our waiter on a cruise I took with my parents. So romantic. I think his name was Raul. Or Paul. Something like that.

The Instant Pot is still available on my registry, FYI.

[Anonymous]

The Herbert W.C. Frothingsloshers are pleased to announce that their darling eldest daughter Petunia lost her virginity to the pool boy.

But he was quite an accomplished fellow, having been expelled from Christ Church, Oxford, for molesting a female Don, whereupon he was recruited for the Receife All-Stars, who were pleased to have his talents as a center forward until he scored too many points with his teammates' significant others.

A reception will be held in the HRH Alwaleed bin Talal Suite of one of the Georgetown dormitories for relatives and friends.

A cash gratuity will be collected to underwrite potables and the newly beloveds' birth control expenses.

If Alwaleed himself should appear, he will exercise his prima nocta rights with our beloved Petunia.

We, Penelope and I, are beside ourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Herbert W.C. Frothingsloshers are pleased to announce that their darling eldest daughter Petunia lost her virginity to the pool boy.

But he was quite an accomplished fellow, having been expelled from Christ Church, Oxford, for molesting a female Don, whereupon he was recruited for the Receife All-Stars, who were pleased to have his talents as a center forward until he scored too many points with his teammates' significant others.

A reception will be held in the HRH Alwaleed bin Talal Suite of one of the Georgetown dormitories for relatives and friends.

A cash gratuity will be collected to underwrite potables and the newly beloveds' birth control expenses.

If Alwaleed himself should appear, he will exercise his prima nocta rights with our beloved Petunia.

We, Penelope and I, are beside ourselves.

Thanks for the laugh. I needed it.

[Anonymous]

Though it was some time ago, I will formally announce I lost mine. Glad to finally get that off my chest!

[Anonymous]

The little picture of "Barbara" is stolen from the Onion.