Care for sibling during labor
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Anonymous
| I'm starting to think about plans for labor for DD2 and need to come up with childcare for DD1. We don't have any local family (12 hour drive or 7 hour drive and I don't think at the moment you can reliably get last minute flights and the areas typically only have 1-2 flights a day). Also our family is not really well enough to look after DD1 independently except in a dire emergency. We have a nanny so she is option 1, but I think we need at least 1 back up option. I have a good friend I could ask but she travels for work most weeks so very realistically might not be in town. We have a neighbor with grown children who might be willing to help. I've heard doula services offer care for siblings during labor. Is that an option? What about something like White House Nannies? Anything else I'm not considering? DH may also have some non-negotiable travel around 36-37 weeks (likely day trips but he'll be 3-4 hours away by train) so I can't just rely on him dropping me off at the hospital and he stays with DD1 as the option of last resort. |
Anonymous
| Ask nanny if she has recommendations. |
Anonymous
|
One thing to consider is a 39 week induction, depending on your age and other factors, and scheduling it for a Monday or Tuesday. That's what we did, and that way my parents could plan to fly in the day before AND they only had to do mornings and evenings with our toddler, never a full day, so it was easier on them.
Then we just had back up people in case I went early. Make sure to tell your backup folks to keep their phone on ring at night! |
Anonymous
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I would have several options. Nanny, best friend and worst case neighbor.
How was your labor with DD1? Induction/csection/fast labor? |
Anonymous
| I think as long as the nanny is on board with it, your traveling friend and then the neighbor (assuming all agree) is enough. The nanny will mosty likley do it and she is your best option becucase #1 is totally comfortable with her. You have 2 emergency back ups + DH just in case. |
Anonymous
| Nanny, neighbor, friend. Also, I realize it's so hard during the pandemic, but think of ways to grow your network--other families in your neighborhood, sign your kid up for a class or team and get to know the parents of the other kids, join a house of worship, DH's coworkers (or yours if you work)....what if at some point there's another kind of emergency where you need help? |
Anonymous
| hire someone from care.com or a local college and have them babysit your kid sometimes when the nanny isn't there--surely you want a nap or a date night or a chance to cook and clean without your kid underfoot? Then pay them to be on call at times that the nanny and friend can't be. |
Anonymous
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OP - the current plan is for a VBAC but if the baby doesn't come or gets too large I will end up with a scheduled C-section between 39 and 40 weeks. My OB doesn't want to do a scheduled induction since my first was a C-section. OB has also said that even scheduled C-sections are being bumped frequently at Sibley until they are medically necessary so the fact that I'm scheduled on a certain day means almost nothing so it makes it a bit trickier to plan childcare. The takeaway was that the c-section would happen the week it is scheduled because by the end of the week it would likely be considered medically necessary due to my age.
Have made several attempts to grow our group of friends but most people near us have 2+ kids already so this particular request is hard. I think in an emergency people would help, but this is a bigger ask and somehow seems to be viewed as different. My best friend is struggling with infertility so it seems particularly inappopriate to ask her to help for this one but for something else I would definitely ask. I have a couple co-workers I could ask so I will add them to the list but both are probably an hour drive from me. For babysitters we've used White House Nannies because none of my care.com attempts have worked out (we have a big dog which is off-putting to many people.) |
Anonymous
| I have four kids and I would happily be any of my neighbors’ in case the nanny can’t make it back up childcare for a 2yo. |
Anonymous
| DC #1 spent the morning in preschool and the afternoon with her godparents when I was in labor with DC #2. We were home in time for a late dinner (birth center not hospital and a relatively quick labor) |
Anonymous
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Whatever you do, do NOT hire Maryland State Doulas. They offer "Sibling Doula services." I hired them this fall to take care of my 3 year old at our home when I went into labor.
When I went into labor we immediately called them. No answer. Called again, no answer. E-mailed, texted-- nothing. When they finally did get back to us hours later they informed us they didn't have anyone to cover, and we were just out of luck. I had to labor alone in the hospital while my husband stayed home with our 3 year old. I was (and still am, if I'm being honest) FURIOUS. |
Anonymous
| Ask your nanny. Our nanny was happy to stay over and DS was completely comfortable and secure with her. This was a year ago during the height of covid so DH couldn’t go home either. |
Anonymous
Yes most people would. If you can manage 2, you can manage 3 for 1 night. |
Anonymous
The problem you run into with friends with 2 kids is that they have to drop off kids at preschool or whatever, and there’s not enough room in their car for another car seat. (I’m the PP with the bad experience with MD State Doulas) That was the big problem for us finding help from SAHM friends. |
Anonymous
I might have to rearrange my car or take my third grader out of her booster, but we’d make it work. —Pp with 4 |