AITA

[Anonymous]

I babysit 2 of my cousins (unpaid) who are only 1 year apart in age and i handle putting them to bed and getting them off to school, recently the older siblings bedtime was increased by 30 minutes but not the younger one so for the sake of fairness i won't make the younger one go to bed until the older one does this has not caused any problems with getting up for school but their parents are still complaining, am i wrong for trying to treat them equally?

[Anonymous]

Yes you are wrong.

Equally would be that when they reach X age they can go to bed at Y time.

You're undermining the parents and reinforcing the idea that age appropriate expectations that change over time is "unfair".

[Anonymous]

What? You’re not being paid but watch them regularly? If you were a paid sitter, I would say you should do what the parents ask. But I have kids close in age and it’s a pain to get them to bed at separate times. Not an issue of fairness, just logistics. Ask to get paid or tell them to find another sitter.

[Anonymous]

I think what you did was fine. But the parents asked that you not continue so you have to stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What? You’re not being paid but watch them regularly? If you were a paid sitter, I would say you should do what the parents ask. But I have kids close in age and it’s a pain to get them to bed at separate times. Not an issue of fairness, just logistics. Ask to get paid or tell them to find another sitter.

I have considered this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think what you did was fine. But the parents asked that you not continue so you have to stop.

This is the right answer, but I'd add some nuance.

I'm guessing that one reason you put them down at the same time is that it's easier and more straightforward for you. Bedtimes can be a challenge and sometimes it's just easier to do two kids at one if they are very close in age because it's easier to get two little kids to brush their teeth together than one at a time, easier to read books to both at the same time, etc. And then once they are down, you're done, and that's a really good feeling.

I get where they might be coming from on this because kid sleep schedules can be tricky. Also, if they recently move the older kid's bedtime by 30 minutes, that's a specific choice that indicates they had a reason. So I get why they might be frustrated.

But since you are an unpaid family member, you get more of a say than a paid nanny would. The arrangement has to work for you. If putting them down separately is making your babysitting nights a lot harder or less pleasant, I absolutely think it's worth it to raise that with them and see if you can come up with a solution that works for everyone. I'm someone who thinks caregivers deserve accommodations too, assuming it doesn't compromise a child's well being.

[Anonymous]

If you are babysitting without pay, then you should do what is easiest for you.
However, you might find a compromise. Put them in bed at the same time (with the younger one bathing, brushing teeth, tucking in first), and then allow the older one to read or play quietly in his bed for 30 more minutes.

[Anonymous]

Fine. If they want an opinion they can pay you.

[Anonymous]

OP here, the parents have decided that this issue was not worth losing a free babysitter and changed the younger childs bedtime to match the older one, this was not an issue of the younger child arguing or anything like that he simply asked if he could stay up later as well and since he is close to the same age and was polite about it i agreed.

[Anonymous]

why are you doing all this babysitting for free?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why are you doing all this babysitting for free?

?

[Anonymous]

There is no such thing as an "arsehole" FREE babysitter. Tell them that you're making it work for you, and if they don't like it, they can find a new sitter.

WHY are you sitting for free?!?!!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why are you doing all this babysitting for free?

i live with in walking distance from them and the children are not a disruption to my daily schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, the parents have decided that this issue was not worth losing a free babysitter and changed the younger childs bedtime to match the older one, this was not an issue of the younger child arguing or anything like that he simply asked if he could stay up later as well and since he is close to the same age and was polite about it i agreed.

There’s a surprise.

[Anonymous]

How many nights a week are you doing this?