Women who've dated men considerably younger... tell me about it

[Anonymous]

I am 42. He is 26. Realistically, I don't see how this would work as a relationship, and I feel mentally torn about taking this to the "fun/fling" level. If you've dated or had flings with men considerably younger than you, tell me about it.

Some additional details:

- I don't look 42 - consistently get mistaken for about 33-35. . I have fewer gray hairs than him. I'm short, which I think helps. Low maintenance but fit and in good shape. Single, no kids.
- He doesn't look like a babyfaced 26 year old - he has more (premature) grey in his hair than mine. Taller, with facial hair, and like a big adorable teddy bear. Nice guy, he's taking the initiative in trying to get to know (and flirt) with me.
- We met a volunteer gig we both participate in
- I am not looking to be a sugar mama, and I don't think that's what he's interested in.
- I can't fathom having a serious relationship with someone this young - we're just at very different points in our lives
- Not wholly opposed to a fun fling... but I have a 22 year old nephew for crying out loud and I can't get over the fact that I could nearly be this guy's mom

Ladies, please tell me about your experiences dating young men. I need serious anecdotes to learn from.

[Anonymous]

You’re overthinking it - especially things like who has more gray hairs.

Just enjoy yourself and see where it goes. You’re going into it with so much negativity (no doubt relentless cultural messages about what a couple looks like). Have an open mind and have fun. It’s like any other relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re overthinking it - especially things like who has more gray hairs.

Just enjoy yourself and see where it goes. You’re going into it with so much negativity (no doubt relentless cultural messages about what a couple looks like). Have an open mind and have fun. It’s like any other relationship.

+1. Stop judging and start enjoying. You have an opportunity to get to know someone who seems great— why shut it down before it’s started? If he’s actually acting in an immature way, I can see why that’s a problem, but he isn’t so far?

[Anonymous]

I was 35 and he was 22. We had tons of fun together; he was sweet and spontaneous.

But most of us are at 22.

For me, it was fun. For him, it was a "real thing" and he was devastated when I broke it off after my good time was over.

Yes, men do this all the time. No, it's not the same. I'm a hard core feminist but I didn't see it working. Not in society, not for me personally. We had totally different life experiences and perspectives. Once the fun part petered out there wasn't much to share. He thought the GOP was a rap group.

People are like campgrounds; try to leave them better than when you found them. I'm not sure that happened here for him and it was a good lesson for me.

tldr; have fun but be gentle with his soul. He doesn't know what he doesn't know.

[Anonymous]

Yes, a serious long-term relationship won't pan for you with that age difference- and you seem to be realistic about that.

So what that leaves is a fun fling, or longer term but casual relationship. If you aren't ok with either of those, I would probably pass on taking things past basic friendship

[Anonymous]

I was 33 and he was 24 when we first met. I was his manager for 3 years. Happily married for 14 years. Having done his performance reviews and coaching at work, it turned out to be very helpful.

[Anonymous]

I think the biggest age gap I experienced was a 23 yr old guy when I was 35.

Yes, it was all about sex, for each of us. He was a very nice guy and we were also friends but it was never going to be serious.

Unless this man is your soul mate and has a history of preferring older women (which is what you definitely are, despite looking "good" for your age). I would say proceed aware that it is a temporary arrangement.

[Anonymous]

You are single with no kids. Why wouldn’t you enjoy a fling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the biggest age gap I experienced was a 23 yr old guy when I was 35.

Yes, it was all about sex, for each of us. He was a very nice guy and we were also friends but it was never going to be serious.

Unless this man is your soul mate and has a history of preferring older women (which is what you definitely are, despite looking "good" for your age). I would say proceed aware that it is a temporary arrangement.

Exact same ages and experience. We got together and had sex. Lots of it. Men that age are insatiable. We also had fun hanging out and went to a couple concerts together.

Oddly enough, I told him he needed to see other women his own age. When he started doing it, I got jealous and we broke up shortly after that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the biggest age gap I experienced was a 23 yr old guy when I was 35.

Yes, it was all about sex, for each of us. He was a very nice guy and we were also friends but it was never going to be serious.

Unless this man is your soul mate and has a history of preferring older women (which is what you definitely are, despite looking "good" for your age). I would say proceed aware that it is a temporary arrangement.

Exact same ages and experience. We got together and had sex. Lots of it. Men that age are insatiable. We also had fun hanging out and went to a couple concerts together.

Oddly enough, I told him he needed to see other women his own age. When he started doing it, I got jealous and we broke up shortly after that

This must be a common age split! My experience was very similar to what’s been mentioned in the posts above. The guy was super nice and really hot (he was a college athlete who had graduated the previous year). We did go out on dates which were mostly concerts or outdoor events but the relationship was primarily about sex and didn’t last that long. We probably dated about 3 months and then were fwb for about another 6 months. The sex with him was probably the best I’ve had. He was really spontaneous (and by spontaneous, I mean anywhere, anytime), had no refractory period and was hugely endowed. I’ll never forget this camping trip he took me on. Lol. I think some younger guys are just into older women.

[Anonymous]

Most women who think they look 10 years younger don't.

Most men learn at a young age that the best way to lie-flatter a woman is to tell her she looks 10 years younger than she really is.

[Anonymous]

A few of my husband's friends dated and married older women (I am also older than my husband, but by only 7 years). From what I saw, it can work out, even lead to a happy marriage, if neither is planning to have more children (child free or have kids from prior relationship), and the man doesn't change his mind later.

In a few cases, a 35 y.o. guy seemingly woke up one day next to a 50 y.o. wife and decided that he wanted a different life. Quickly got remarried to a woman slightly younger than him and the kids came soon after.

[Anonymous]

Good luck to you the one guy I dated who was younger was only 4 years younger and he was a total pain in the ass. The sex wasn't even worth it.

[Anonymous]

My very good friend is now years into a relationship with a boyfriend who is about 20 years younger. She is close to 50 and he is 31. She has three kids (middle - high school aged) and he loves them as his own. She has told him he should marry someone his age (he was married to someone his age before her - it didn't work out obviously) and he says no, he has a family, her girls. They have a very close relationship with him (the kids). My friend loves him very much - he is her rock, but also there is a lot of passion and love. I think they'll eventually get married. They live together now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most women who think they look 10 years younger don't.

Most men learn at a young age that the best way to lie-flatter a woman is to tell her she looks 10 years younger than she really is.

You sound bitter.

Now I'm in my 50s and my hair is grey I look OLD but even at 32 I was being asked when I'd be turning 21. Sometimes age catches up with you, but sometimes it gives you a long period of looking youthful. It helps if you're thin, actually.