Parents don't want to see us, been over 2 years
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Anonymous
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My parents (both age 70 and in great health) are still terrified of the pandemic. They only leave their house to go grocery shopping once a week. They do wear masks all the time (N95 masks specifically) so they are being very safe. They will not do any of the things they used to do pre-pandemic and they won't see friends or family. They are both fully vaccinated and got their booster. They complain bitterly about how horrible it is to not be able to do all the things they want to do, yet they won't even go out with N95 masks and being fully vaccinated as they don't think anything is safe to do and criticize people who are going out. I'm really not sure what to say anymore. We are very Covid cautious as well but not to that extreme.
Anyhow, the main issue is that they live on the West Coast and we have not seen them for 2.5 years now. We have two kids, ages 2 and 4 who are still too young to be vaccinated. Pre-pandemic we would go out to visit them once every other year, and they would come here once a year. At this point they refuse to travel anymore going forward and we are not going to fly out there on a 6-hour plane ride with unvaccinated kids. They are content being Zoom grandparents and have no plans to visit us at all in the future. I have tried to convince them to move out here but they won't do that either (they moved away 15 years ago to retire out there). They plan to stay on the West Coast. They have no family or close friends out where they are. I'm kind of at a loss about this whole situation, and very sad that it will be a very long time before we see them again. I imagine by the summer we'll be able to go out and see them, and maybe once every other year after that, but they don't like having us visit at their house. They live in a rural area with nothing to do and they have nothing at all for kids to do at their house (no toys, fun things, they don't really leave the house). It's much easier for them to come here. How do I come to terms with the fact that my parents, who are in perfect health and are fully vaccinated, refuse to visit us, and won't move closer, and so they are basically communicating that going forward they will only be Zoom grandparents and are fine with not being involved grandparents at all? |
Anonymous
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It sounds like they may decline a visit from your children even after they are vaccinated, if they aren’t seeing other family now.
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Anonymous
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They refuse to get on a plane and you refuse to get on a plane. How is that 'don't want to see us'.
You could drive out there in a road-trip or you can get on a plane. Everything is not on them. |
Anonymous
Yep. At that age I wouldn't expect my parents to travel anyway. (I have 3 under 5 and family is also on the west coast - we travel. It's fine.) |
Anonymous
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At 70, their health can turn on a dime. Sorry to say that. But I’ve seen it firsthand. Also I have seen family members in this age group lie and cover up health issues. Is it possible more is going on?
Also at this age they can get stuck and have a very hard time with routine changes. They are used to not going out now. It’s not personal they are just stuck and likely depression and isolation have made it worse. There isn’t much you can do aside from not taking it personally. If possible I would visit them myself without kids to understand the situation first hand. |
Anonymous
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If it's that important to you, I'd fly with your kids to see them. (I have flown with unvaccinated kids. So not just saying something I wouldn't do myself.)
Kids can test upon arrival. I don't know about the - they don't like having you stay with them and there is nothing to do - part. That is a whole different issue. I have friends like this in my life and sad to say, they're just not going to be part of my life anymore. But it's not my parents. Sorry OP. Sucks. |
Anonymous
| Yeah I'd probably go alone as a first visit and see what's going on. |
Anonymous
| I agree, if it’s important to you to see then fly with your kids. Mask, text when you get there. Flying is pretty safe. Otherwise don’t blame them. |
Anonymous
| They are saying to themselves that you are unreasonable and don't want to see them because you won't fly with 2 unvaccinated kids who are at incredibly low risk of any kind of serious covid. |
Anonymous
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My kids' only grandparent is on the west coast and she doesn't travel out here. Due to cost and schedules we are able to get out there about once every other year. They aren't as close to our grandkids as we would like, but that also could have been the case if they lived nearby, who knows. Like anything, you learn to accept and live with the less than ideal. When we go out there, we buy local things for the kids to play with and leave them there, and we'd also planned day trips (without the grandparent, but we'd see her mornings and evenings).
And this has nothing to do with covid. It's always been this way. Forget the reason why, just accept them where they are and do the best you can. |
Anonymous
| The likelihood of either of you having a serious problem from covid is very low. But you and your family's likelihood is even lower. So you take the tiny risk if it's that important to you. |
Anonymous
Easier for whom? |
Anonymous
+1. Most self-centered statement I've ever read. |
Anonymous
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I would encourage them to speak with their doctors about whether they are using best practices by doing what they're doing.
My mother died in September and my dad didn't let us come for the funeral, and he didn't come here. He happened to go to the doctor and talked about coming here for Thanksgiving and the doctor said "not only can you, you HAVE to." Mental health is a real thing. |
Anonymous
| If they won't come out and don't want OP at their home what's the use in flying out there? |