If you SAH, how much does your spouse know about how the household runs?

[Anonymous]

I think there’s a general assumption that a SAH spouse will handle the execution of most, if not all, of the moving pieces associated with running a household. But when it comes to the planning/organization level, how much does your working spouse know about what needs to be done and how it gets done? Do they know you need more milk, or where the baby Tylenol is, or what piano piece your kid is working on?

[Anonymous]

Yes he knows everything. He's a very involved husband and father.

[Anonymous]

I think the only thing my spouse isn’t up on is when the kids are due for their next dentist and well child appointments, how close they are to needing new clothes, how we are doing on the grocery budget, and maybe what all is in the depths of the fridge and freezer.

He knows the kids’ activity schedules, how close we are to being out of a staple, when the cleaning service is coming, the what the kids need for homework, what they are working on in their sports activities, etc. A lot of this is because I have ADHD and when I have something I need to do I text him and he puts it on the family calendar.

[Anonymous]

Staying at home for a year with a baby (so maybe not a full time sahm). Dh knows everything going on in our kids lives. He goes to pediatrician appointments with me, goes to parent teacher conferences and loves to spend time with us. He’s home by 6pm for dinner and the older kids tell him what they’re doing.

But how the household runs? Not so much. I do nearly all of that. I love doing laundry and I’ve always done that; he doesn’t know how to turn on our washer. But also, I can’t find any of his tools. He fixes everything.

I think SAHMs should run the household and do all of the cleaning. But after 6pm and on weekends, parenting is shared

[Anonymous]

I stay home. My DH knows very little about how the house runs. But it isn't rocket science. If he needed to, he would manage (or likely hire out). Plus my oldest (11) knows most of the things he wouldn't know and could probably take over!

[Anonymous]

Magic Fairy.

[Anonymous]

He doesn’t even read his emails.

He misses parties, school events, games, recitals, roofers, energy audits, ski fittings, oil changes, days off.

He needs to be told: Do you want to mow the lawn or should I? Same for garbage, kitchen messes, packaging laying about. He needs a baby-like prompt to do any minor task or need.

So him managing the house. After a couple weeks of being late, forgetting masks, lost homework, missed games or appointments, he’d cancel all activities and tell the children to stay home w a sitter or screen. Oh, but for a few hours on the weekend he’d take them out for every meal and do a Disney Dad activity. At the expense of a missed bday party or game or homework project. Because life is all about him.

[Anonymous]

Why should he know? That's your job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there’s a general assumption that a SAH spouse will handle the execution of most, if not all, of the moving pieces associated with running a household. But when it comes to the planning/organization level, how much does your working spouse know about what needs to be done and how it gets done? Do they know you need more milk, or where the baby Tylenol is, or what piano piece your kid is working on?

Huh? Usually the SAHP is the command center and manager of it all and does part execution, outsourcing and H can do some task rabbit stuff when convenient. If he paid attn to you or how his parents run the house he prob can contribute more seasonal and weekly value add in managing, planning and execution.

[Anonymous]

I have no doubt that if I had a medical emergency or had to leave town at the drop of a hat and he had to step in, he could manage it. He might not have the answers, but would know where to look or who to call to get the answers. And like PP mentioned, oldest child would help him out too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes he knows everything. He's a very involved husband and father.

+1
Im currently between jobs, and he’s been in my place before, as a SAHD, due to periods of unemployment. We help each other. He often vacuums or grocery shops, dishes, dinner or laundry. Neither of us chose to stay at home, and it can be pure drudgery if it falls on one person. We both love spending time with our kids, so it’s not a struggle.

[Anonymous]

No different in the wife works. He may still be blissfully ignorant. Only real question is if it’s on purpose or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why should he know? That's your job.

Op. That’s why I’m asking! Because some PPs are saying that their husband knows all this stuff, and others are saying “he could figure it out if he had to but he doesn’t know” and I guess some are married to guys who couldn’t figure it out.

[Anonymous]

He knows everything. I can and have left town on a moment's notice for an emergency with barely any communication of what's coming up.

[Anonymous]

I was a stay-at-home mom for many years and my husband was oblivious to anything that went on in the household or how it ran unless I told him of what was scheduled and when he needed to be there and where to be. It worked for both of us since I liked handling everything the way I wanted it done and he didn't mind letting me handle it.

I will say there was a time that I was hospitalized for a week and he was able to get the kids up to school, go to work, come see me in the hospital and then go home and take care of the kids without asking me anything. So he is fully capable if need be of getting things done.