Desperate for help with picky kids
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Anonymous
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My kids (5 and 2) are picky eaters. And I've gotten in a rut trying to feed them because they would both rather starve than try new foods. Trust me, we've tried enforcing the "this is what's for the meal" and we rarely win that battle (many hungry tummies at bedtime before we gave that up). We've tried just putting new things on the plate and say we'd like them to try a new food (we've even bribed) - nada. Doctor always says as long as they are getting some veggies and protein and eating enough, we're good for now. But like... are we? The big kid is 5 now. I try to follow and read nutritionists like @kidseatincolor on Instagram and none of the tips are helping me - like swapping out favored food for similar ones in color/flavor. I hate serving the same things week after week and DH is getting tired too. And I use to love cooking.
What they'll eat: broccoli, peas, maybe green beans, not really carrots pasta, white bread, white rice, maybe corn egg whites, maybe chicken, maybe ground pork or beef, bologna most fruits Got forbid we mix these in any way with one another. God forbid there's a SAUCE on anything or alongside it. Ketchup is verboten in my household apparently, as is salad dressing or other dip-friendly ideas. I can't bake a casserole (DH hates these) and while I rely heavily on protein-based pastas, it's getting old. And we have to avoid doing the same things they are eating in preschool which is difficult (basically a variation of the above). Please give me what worked for you if you had severely picky eaters. I don't want to have white-foods-only kids. |
Anonymous
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I gave up my idea of what they should eat. I accepted they are picky.
Two years later, they eat everything. Because I dropped the rope and stopped caring. You don’t have white food only kids - they eat broccoli for goodness sakes. I won’t touch that stuff. |
Anonymous
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It sounds to me like they eat a pretty good variety for little kids. I had picky kids too. You really need to drop the rope, as PP said. Since I was a picky kid to I could empathize with mine. They aren't doing this to be obstinate. Some things really just taste awful to them. My DS definitely had issues with textures that took a long time to get over.
We followed the Satter division of responsibility. Initially DH insisted on the "no thank you bite" approach but that just turned every meal into a battle of wills and negotiation over what constituted a "bite".  After enduring that longer than I should have I put my foot down and insisted that if he wanted to eat with us he had to be pleasant. We stopped discussing who eats what at the table.
I serve the meal. There's always something each child will eat (bread/pasta/fruit) but likely other things that they probably won't try. I learned to serve stuff DH and I liked "deconstructed". Talk at dinner time is about pleasant things, not who is eating what or criticizing the food. They get one snack in the afternoon, sitting at the table, and after that nothing until dinner time so at least they have an appetite. But, if all they eat for dinner one day is bread and milk, so be it. This is NOT a quick fix. It takes patience and perseverance but by the time my kids were teens they voluntarily ate a wide variety of foods. They still have their aversions, but so do I -- nobody likes mushrooms, DD still hates beans while DS loves them, DS won't touch broccoli but is happy with green beans. Now they generally are competent eaters and I don't really think about this stuff anymore when I plan meals. FWIW, throughout this long picky stage when sometimes it seemed like they survived on bread and milk, they both grew very consistently and their dr never had any concerns. I did give them a daily vitamin just to assuage my anxiety but it probably wasn't necessary. |
Anonymous
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They will be fine. If they start eating only chicken nuggets and French fries, then you worry.
Just drop it. |
Anonymous
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Honestly, the list of foods they eat looks pretty good to me for that age.
Have they helped you cook yet? That seemed to make my kids far more inclined to eat, if they'd been part of the process. Especially if you check out some kids' cookbooks from the library and let them choose recipes. Empathy on the "I'm sick of cooking the same things all the time" point. I enjoy cooking, but that is not the same thing as getting dinner (that everyone will eat) on the table every night. That gets old. |
Anonymous
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That's really not that bad of a list at all. You're covering all of the food groups with a few options except dairy. (Do they do cheese, milk, and/or yogurt?) I'd work on offering those maybe foods more often and start talking to the 5 year old about nutrition and making good choices for his/her body. My 5 year old got on board with trying a lot of foods when I explained how each bite would make his brain a little bit smarter, or muscles a little bit stronger, or bones a little bit longer. You get the idea.
But yeah, some kids hate sauces and mixed together foods. I think that is very normal for their ages and it is totally reasonable to serve deconstructed versions of whatever you are eating. But don't force it and don't make it stressful. Slow and steady wins the race and you NEED their buy-in or it'll just be an exercise in stubbornness. |
Anonymous
This (bolded) is where you lost, OP. Yes, there will be some hard nights and "hungry bellies." They won't starve. But if you keep giving in and being a short order cook every time they complain, you're going to raise picky eaters. By definition. |
Anonymous
| I don’t think your kids are THAT picky. This is good news! But there are several online resources you could look at: Weelicious, Real Mom Nutrition, Kids Eat In Color are a few with good tips. |
Anonymous
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Breaded and fried chicken tenderloins (homemade chicken tenders)
Shake and bake chicken tenderloins - we use pork boxes though. Pasta Diced cubed red potatoes tossed in olive oil and baked 1 hour (faux fries) Cut up steak Burgers |
Anonymous
| I really like Kids Eat in Color. In particular, she talks about how to present food to kids (a TINY bit of each item on the plate versus even a normal serving for a toddler). But she has lots of great ideas. |
Anonymous
I'm a PP with a semi-picky eater and my kid would eat the pasta and MAYBE eat the homemade tenders, but has never once eaten beef and can't stand potatoes. For kids that are adverse to trying new things, introducing entirely new food groups is pretty difficult. OP should start with food chaining familiar foods and not worry about what "normal" kid foods they "should" eat. https://www.arnoldpalmerhospital.com/content-hub/if-you-have-a-picky-eater-try-food-chaining |
Anonymous
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I dealt with this with my kids when they were 3 and 4. What’s for dinner, is for dinner. But. They always had fruit and milk with each meal. That meant even if they weren’t full, they weren’t starving. Start with what they like. So - broccoli, fruit, white rice. Now add a protein. They may eat it, they may not. However, they are more likely to try it if they know they like the other things on their plate.
Agree with the PP about serving stuff deconstructed. When we have tacos, my kids literally eat meat and shells. And only hard shells. Whatever. I’m willing to do that if they eat the taco, and the rice and beans along with it. My 11 yo does not do condiments. At all. It’s fine. His choice. It doesn’t affect me at all. |
Anonymous
Sorry, disagree, making your kid go to bed hungry, or any other kind of corporal punishment for not eating, is how you raise kids who are anxious about food. That anxiety is not going to improve their eating. They might comply out of fear but they aren't going to come to love variety. Ellyn Satter is the way to go. |
Anonymous
So give them what they will only eat. However, I think kids do this for attention. My sister's son was a picky eater--spaghetti with butter, pizza, and PB&J sandwiches. He spent ten days visiting me and my family and I told him that what was served was all there was. He ate everything and asked for seconds. I asked him why he didn't et like this at home and he said he was only a picky eater for his mother. Believe me, they will not starve. |
Anonymous
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I actually don’t think the list of your kids’ acceptable foods is that bad for picky eaters. I’ve known friends dealing with worse!
Will your kids eat a casserole? Sounds like DH doesn’t like them, but if kids will eat a casserole with veggies mixed in then I would go that route and have him deal. |