Accidentally found out about a relationship

[Anonymous]

Yesterday we had a picnic/ BBQ. When my male coworker first arrived with his kids they immediately ran over to the female coworker and gave her hugs, his son even sat in her lap for a little bit before they went to go play with the other kids. Now, this coworker is pretty good with kids, and every now and then some of us with kids will bring them into the office and they all tend to flock to her, my own kids are this way, and I'm sure I've seen this guy's kids talking to her before too. What caught my attention was the hugging and the lap-sitting.

A little while later we needed some extra chairs and she had volunteered to bring them and said they were still in her car, he offered to go help get them. Well, about 10 minutes later there still aren't any chairs so I go to track them down. I find them, and they were fooling around. I left quickly, but they must have realized they had been caught because they soon followed me. I got my chairs and the day proceeded as normal. They even kept their distance from each other.

O texted her later to thank her for her help and mentioned it was a nice day, good to see everyone, and X and his kids really seemed to enjoy themselves. To which all she said was yeah it was a great day.

I'm wtf. Now I'm not very close with either of them, but she and I have texted each other before hung out outside of work and talked a bit about various relationship-type things. I didn't even know she was interested in him, like at all. For the record I think they're very cute together and would make a very cute couple. But that really came out of nowhere, and she's still being coy about it.

[Anonymous]

Why does this matter? Obviously they want to keep it quiet, so if you respect them you will drop it.

[Anonymous]

Well, it’s none of your business. His is she being coy? Did you expect her to answer your thank you text, with something about her relationship? Just carry on as usual; why embarrass anyone. It will come out in due time or it won’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does this matter? Obviously they want to keep it quiet, so if you respect them you will drop it.

I'm just surprised that she has said nothing about it to me at all. Like not even a He's cute , wonder if he's seeing anyone? Type of thing. I have so many questions, like when and how did this start

[Anonymous]

Are they both single? If so, then what’s the big deal? It’s understandable they’d want to keep a relationship under wraps to avoid being the subject of office gossip. Especially if it’s a new relationship.

[Anonymous]

Are either of them married? If not, stay out of it. Work relationships can be a mine field and it seems they are trying to steer clear of the gossips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does this matter? Obviously they want to keep it quiet, so if you respect them you will drop it.

I'm just surprised that she has said nothing about it to me at all. Like not even a He's cute , wonder if he's seeing anyone? Type of thing. I have so many questions, like when and how did this start

Because she’s trying to be discreet about a work relationship and, by your own admission, you two aren’t close. Have all the questions you want, but you’re not entitled to answers.

[Anonymous]

Neither of them is married. I logically understand why they might want to keep it quiet. But, as I said I have questions and I was hoping she might spill when I texted her. As for gossip, I would not tell anyone in the office about it, she knows that.

[Anonymous]

MYOB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Neither of them is married. I logically understand why they might want to keep it quiet. But, as I said I have questions and I was hoping she might spill when I texted her. As for gossip, I would not tell anyone in the office about it, she knows that.

With all due respect, you may be a 100% discrete person, but maybe you are only 80% discrete. I agree that work relationships can be a minefield. Sometimes they work out long term, especially if handled carefully. I hope you could understand why she would err on the side of not telling you.

[Anonymous]

You’re being nosy. MYOB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Neither of them is married. I logically understand why they might want to keep it quiet. But, as I said I have questions and I was hoping she might spill when I texted her. As for gossip, I would not tell anyone in the office about it, she knows that.

You were obviously digging for information in their relationship, which tends not to inspire confidence that you will keep that information private.

[Anonymous]

Please MYOB. It’s likely they don’t want people to know so leave them be. I met my husband at work and we kept our relationship quiet for months.

[Anonymous]

Here’s a life lesson for you. Personal information is up to the person to choose to share. If someone has not shared something with you, that’s their right, and you don’t ask. It’s not owed to you, ever. Not dating, pregnancy, health, finances, job hunting, etc. When they want you to know, they will tell you.

Even more important, if they do share something with you, you don’t reshare it ever. There are a few times where I will ask the person “is this known information” (like a pregnancy that will eventually show), but generally, don’t ask, don’t tell. If you are a curious person, it actually helps you in the long run, because then people start to tell you all kinds of things, because you don’t talk.

[Anonymous]

I get that they don't want people to know, but fooling around at picnic is not the best way of doing that, and it's got to be pretty serious if his kids are that comfortable with he, right?