How much video game time is reasonable?

[Anonymous]

H plays literally 14+ hours a day, every single day for over a year now. It interferes with our marriage and our family. I have brought it up but he doesn't see the issue. Tells me I'm being ridiculous. We are early thirties with 3 kids. This is destroying me because he doesn't make time for us or our kids. He is neglecting everything for his game. I have tried being patient and waiting it out, but I'm feeling worse about us by the day because it's not improving. I'm worried about our marriage and I'm worried about our kids' view of him.

Give it to me straight - is this a normal amount? Can this get better, or should I throw in the towel before it gets worse?

[Anonymous]

Obviously 14+ hours per day is not normal. Normal or reasonable would be equivalent to the amount of free time that you have (i.e. after kids are in bed or if you guys have an arrangement where one watches the kids for a few hours and the other can relax).

[Anonymous]

He is addicted or depressed and medicating via screen. Does he at least play with friends online? Does he work?

[Anonymous]

Tell him to grow up, WTF.

[Anonymous]

I thought it was too much! But I admit, I almost have an aversion to video games after this whole experience, so I thought maybe he's right and that I am being ridiculous. I read in my free time and he has told me it's the same as my reading. That's fine and I agree they are both hobbies! It's fine and normal to have hobbies that do not involve each other, yes, but my issue is the amount of time he spends on it, and that he neglects everything else in the process.

He mostly plays alone but I think he has met a few people online and they are in some group together.

He has told me he is depressed, but that it's because he doesn't get enough sleep (which is true) so it is "situational and not real depression" in his words. I have asked him to get help just in case. He tells me he will then never mentions it again.

He does work. He works from home and plays nonstop while he's working. Because of this, it's hard for me to have respect or empathy for him. I know that sounds bad. He has been told several times that his performance is falling because he's not focusing his attention to his work. His job is not one that can just be ignored for his game.

[Anonymous]

Thank you all for your responses! I feel validated. I don't know that I can keep living like this honestly. I'll probably try talking one last time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought it was too much! But I admit, I almost have an aversion to video games after this whole experience, so I thought maybe he's right and that I am being ridiculous. I read in my free time and he has told me it's the same as my reading. That's fine and I agree they are both hobbies! It's fine and normal to have hobbies that do not involve each other, yes, but my issue is the amount of time he spends on it, and that he neglects everything else in the process.

He mostly plays alone but I think he has met a few people online and they are in some group together.

He has told me he is depressed, but that it's because he doesn't get enough sleep (which is true) so it is "situational and not real depression" in his words. I have asked him to get help just in case. He tells me he will then never mentions it again.

He does work. He works from home and plays nonstop while he's working. Because of this, it's hard for me to have respect or empathy for him. I know that sounds bad. He has been told several times that his performance is falling because he's not focusing his attention to his work. His job is not one that can just be ignored for his game.

You seriously were doubting whether 14 hours a day is excessive? What??

And no, playing video games is not equivalent to reading, unless you are reading garbage, and even then, reading is a healthier activity.

[Anonymous]

Yeah if it’s affecting his job that’s a problem. When you start losing control like that and don’t care about the potential consequences that’s a problem.

[Anonymous]

0 hours of video games is acceptable. Just like 0 minutes of porn. Just because it’s not chemically addictive doesn’t mean it’s not addiction. Grow up and own your sh*t

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought it was too much! But I admit, I almost have an aversion to video games after this whole experience, so I thought maybe he's right and that I am being ridiculous. I read in my free time and he has told me it's the same as my reading. That's fine and I agree they are both hobbies! It's fine and normal to have hobbies that do not involve each other, yes, but my issue is the amount of time he spends on it, and that he neglects everything else in the process.

He mostly plays alone but I think he has met a few people online and they are in some group together.

He has told me he is depressed, but that it's because he doesn't get enough sleep (which is true) so it is "situational and not real depression" in his words. I have asked him to get help just in case. He tells me he will then never mentions it again.

He does work. He works from home and plays nonstop while he's working. Because of this, it's hard for me to have respect or empathy for him. I know that sounds bad. He has been told several times that his performance is falling because he's not focusing his attention to his work. His job is not one that can just be ignored for his game.

You seriously were doubting whether 14 hours a day is excessive? What??

And no, playing video games is not equivalent to reading, unless you are reading garbage, and even then, reading is a healthier activity.

Reading would be a problem if OP were doing it 14 + hours a day neglecting her family and marriage and getting in trouble at work because of it. It's not so much the activity it's what is impacting.

OP your husband has a real problem despite what he says it does sound like depression, and he's self-medicating with these games which is a vicious cycle because the constant game playing inhibits his sleep and thus worsens depression as does the video games at worK. You need to enlist the help of a professional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah if it’s affecting his job that’s a problem. When you start losing control like that and don’t care about the potential consequences that’s a problem.

Yup. He needs professional help.

[Anonymous]

Grown ass men don’t play video games.

-A Grown Ass Man

[Anonymous]

He needs professional help.

There are people that can manage games and handle their business and people that cannot. I was semi-addicted in high school and have a bit of an addictive personality re: screens generally and I cannot. So I also choose 0. Your husband needs to recognize himself as like the functional equivalent of an alcoholic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grown ass men don’t play video games.

-A Grown Ass Man

Agree. Not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grown ass men don’t play video games.

-A Grown Ass Man

+1
Another Grown Ass Man