What makes you want to be friends with someone? Or could you briefly explain how you make friends

[Anonymous]

As if you were talking to a neurotypical adult who isn't sure how to do this. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

For the first question: if they are genuinely nice people.

[Anonymous]

If they are fun and easy going and have kids - 37 year old woman

[Anonymous]

I'm attracted to people who are kind, funny and smart, not necessarily in that order. Generally, they also have something about them that's in some way interesting. They're from another country, they grew up in the Midwest and moved to NYC knowing nobody, they're gay, they used to be a Chippendale's dancer to put themselves through law school (true story), they have five brothers, they have a nose ring, etc. Doesn't have to be anything big, just anything that lets me know they're not people who get offended easily or look for problems.

Also, I don't like people with addictions or big drama. I like my drama firmly on a screen - no drama in real life. Lastly, I like people who are clean and organized. I don't want to get into your car and step on wrappers on the floor. When I go to your house there shouldn't be pet hair and random crap all over the furniture. Don't have crap in your teeth. Don't constantly be losing your things. Don't constantly be late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm attracted to people who are kind, funny and smart, not necessarily in that order. Generally, they also have something about them that's in some way interesting. They're from another country, they grew up in the Midwest and moved to NYC knowing nobody, they're gay, they used to be a Chippendale's dancer to put themselves through law school (true story), they have five brothers, they have a nose ring, etc. Doesn't have to be anything big, just anything that lets me know they're not people who get offended easily or look for problems.

Also, I don't like people with addictions or big drama. I like my drama firmly on a screen - no drama in real life. Lastly, I like people who are clean and organized. I don't want to get into your car and step on wrappers on the floor. When I go to your house there shouldn't be pet hair and random crap all over the furniture. Don't have crap in your teeth. Don't constantly be losing your things. Don't constantly be late.

I like that answer. I don't like dramatic people creating too many issues. I don't like genuine people whom I can trust.

[Anonymous]

If they're funny, smart, don't talk too much or too little. If they are willing to go beyond small talk with me pretty quickly Also agree with the no drama thing. Too much talk about other people doing them wrong is a red flag.

[Anonymous]

I think reliability, empathy, generosity and the capacity to have real, deeper conversations go a long way in friendship.

[Anonymous]

I like people who are kind but not too "nice" (polite for its own sake).

I am put off by people who assume a high level of closeness/intimacy early in the relationship. Like a red flag for me is people who start acting like they know everything about my life really early on, who are like "oh yeah, that's so like your brother" when they've never met him and I've only spoken about him once or twice. Partly I think this is just fake but I've also been burned by people like this a couple times and have learned that it's often a sign of other stuff going on. Boundaries are good.

I like people who are passionate about stuff. Like they have a hobby the love talking about or they are really into their kids or they enjoy their job or they love travel or something. It's nice to hear people talk about something in a positive way, something they love, something they aren't embarrassed to obsess over a bit. People can be so cynical and negative. I think people think this comes off as cultured and smart, but to me it's just a bummer. I don't want to just listen to people tell me why they hate some TV show or why Trump is bad or whatever. I want them to wax rhapsodic over their favorite book or piece of music or the way their toddler mispronounces words or their annual lake trip with their family. Something great.

And finally, I like people who treat me well, who seem interested in me, who are not competitive for its own sake (this drives me nuts), who listen, who remember when I told them stuff, and who don't argue with me about every little thing. I want to be around people who make me feel good about myself and I think most other people want this too.

Also, I can't stand gossips. Boring and dangerous.

I make friends by talking to people and trying to be receptive when people talk to me, by giving people the benefit of the doubt when I can. But I make a new friend like once every 5 years. It feels right to me. I'd rather have a handful of solid, good friends than a billion people in my contacts list.

[Anonymous]

It’s very important to mirror the level of involvement/ intimacy of the person you want to be friends with. Don’t assume too much too fast, or go beyond what they have shown you is their comfort level until you are very comfortable and have reach mutual trust at that level. I have been developing a friendship for 2 years that started out as relatively light, then was a guest at their house but still kept it polite/cordial and not too self-revelatory, just this week we started to have deeper conversations and friend, who I now officially consider a friend, offered to help with my child if I ever need it in a serious situation (I am a single parent, and we were discussing my precarious situation if I ever am ill).

[Anonymous]

Someone who is warm, and I tend to get along better with people who keep it real. I had a hard time fitting in with the Fancy Moms Group in my neighborhood - everything felt overly polite and like everyone had to be perfect. Like it was mostly chit chat about “the children”, husbands’ work, etc. I’d rather hear someone complain about their in-laws or how their kid had explosive diarrhea at the museum.

Also able to hold a conversation. I hate having to carry an entire conversation.

Someone who doesn’t gossip, at least not in a negative way. Hearing about the creepy dad at the playground who hits on everyone is fine. Hearing how another mom in the group came home to find her husband with another woman, not okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s very important to mirror the level of involvement/ intimacy of the person you want to be friends with. Don’t assume too much too fast, or go beyond what they have shown you is their comfort level until you are very comfortable and have reach mutual trust at that level. I have been developing a friendship for 2 years that started out as relatively light, then was a guest at their house but still kept it polite/cordial and not too self-revelatory, just this week we started to have deeper conversations and friend, who I now officially consider a friend, offered to help with my child if I ever need it in a serious situation (I am a single parent, and we were discussing my precarious situation if I ever am ill).

Related to this, something I've learned to do is pay attention to who shares personal stuff and who solicits personal stuff. Some people ask a lot of question and solicit a lot of information about your life and it an feel very flattering like "oh they are very interested in me." But if you ask them about their life, they are vague and don't elaborate. I really dislike this. I don't think people have to share lots of details about their lives and I totally get it people just don't like talking about certain personal subjects. But if that's the case, I find it odd when they really push a lot to find out this same stuff in others. It makes me feel very vulnerable in a bad way.

[Anonymous]

Parochial people who gossip about their neighbors and tell me the minutiae of their days are a total bore.

I much prefer a huge personality friend, someone who makes me laugh but doesn't drag in too much drama.

[Anonymous]

Funny, not too into themselves, able to make fun of themselves, interested in me and what’s going on in my life, up for a girls night out every now and then

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm attracted to people who are kind, funny and smart, not necessarily in that order. Generally, they also have something about them that's in some way interesting. They're from another country, they grew up in the Midwest and moved to NYC knowing nobody, they're gay, they used to be a Chippendale's dancer to put themselves through law school (true story), they have five brothers, they have a nose ring, etc. Doesn't have to be anything big, just anything that lets me know they're not people who get offended easily or look for problems.

Also, I don't like people with addictions or big drama. I like my drama firmly on a screen - no drama in real life. Lastly, I like people who are clean and organized. I don't want to get into your car and step on wrappers on the floor. When I go to your house there shouldn't be pet hair and random crap all over the furniture. Don't have crap in your teeth. Don't constantly be losing your things. Don't constantly be late.

OMG I could have written this. Down to the crap on the teeth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm attracted to people who are kind, funny and smart, not necessarily in that order. Generally, they also have something about them that's in some way interesting. They're from another country, they grew up in the Midwest and moved to NYC knowing nobody, they're gay, they used to be a Chippendale's dancer to put themselves through law school (true story), they have five brothers, they have a nose ring, etc. Doesn't have to be anything big, just anything that lets me know they're not people who get offended easily or look for problems.

Also, I don't like people with addictions or big drama. I like my drama firmly on a screen - no drama in real life. Lastly, I like people who are clean and organized. I don't want to get into your car and step on wrappers on the floor. When I go to your house there shouldn't be pet hair and random crap all over the furniture. Don't have crap in your teeth. Don't constantly be losing your things. Don't constantly be late.

+1

Nice people who don’t talk sh$t about other people. Pretty basic.