Reply to What makes you want to be friends with someone? Or could you briefly explain how you make friends

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[quote=Anonymous]I like people who are kind but not too "nice" (polite for its own sake).

I am put off by people who assume a high level of closeness/intimacy early in the relationship. Like a red flag for me is people who start acting like they know everything about my life really early on, who are like "oh yeah, that's so like your brother" when they've never met him and I've only spoken about him once or twice. Partly I think this is just fake but I've also been burned by people like this a couple times and have learned that it's often a sign of other stuff going on. Boundaries are good.

I like people who are passionate about stuff. Like they have a hobby the love talking about or they are really into their kids or they enjoy their job or they love travel or something. It's nice to hear people talk about something in a positive way, something they love, something they aren't embarrassed to obsess over a bit. People can be so cynical and negative. I think people think this comes off as cultured and smart, but to me it's just a bummer. I don't want to just listen to people tell me why they hate some TV show or why Trump is bad or whatever. I want them to wax rhapsodic over their favorite book or piece of music or the way their toddler mispronounces words or their annual lake trip with their family. Something great.

And finally, I like people who treat me well, who seem interested in me, who are not competitive for its own sake (this drives me nuts), who listen, who remember when I told them stuff, and who don't argue with me about every little thing. I want to be around people who make me feel good about myself and I think most other people want this too.

Also, I can't stand gossips. Boring and dangerous.

I make friends by talking to people and trying to be receptive when people talk to me, by giving people the benefit of the doubt when I can. But I make a new friend like once every 5 years. It feels right to me. I'd rather have a handful of solid, good friends than a billion people in my contacts list.[/quote]

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