Blood vs chosen family

[Anonymous]

Based on the other post. Do you believe blood family always means more and is more important than chosen family? Thoughts? I wanna hear from people on both sides of the coin.

[Anonymous]

For me, no. We have a small but mighty group of friends here (8 couples) who I will call for anything, and vice versa. Our families (moms/dads/siblings) just don't put off that 'family' vibe that I see with other families. They aren't warm and seem to want to tear down instead of lift up and support, lots of jealously too.

I truly hope everyone finds the friends that become family like we have.

[Anonymous]

No, definitely not.

[Anonymous]

If we're being precise, my husband is chosen family and he is number 1.

[Anonymous]

We had friends who were like family. Executor of wills, godparents, the whole nine yards. Then life changed and suddenly we now just keep in contact periodically.

On the other hand, I've seen how for good or bad, your blood family is always that.

[Anonymous]

We chose to adopt our kids, so blood definitely doesn’t come first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If we're being precise, my husband is chosen family and he is number 1.

As long as you are married. Divorce changes that dynamic quite radically.

[Anonymous]

blood? Absolutely not and I often think "blood" is an excuse to tolerate abuse.

[Anonymous]

Chosen family over blood everytime for me. Extremely abusive biological father and relatives ignored obvious child abuse so he'd continue to be generous with them. He bought them and he can keep them.

[Anonymous]

Where do adoptive families fit into this scheme?

[Anonymous]

I learned when I went through a very challenging time that blood means nothing. My whole family turned against me.

I know there are some good men out there, but I've never met any who treated me like family. They always looked out for themselves. So I don't view marriage/romantic relationships as family.

Instead I focus on the friends that have been there for me through it all. That's my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I learned when I went through a very challenging time that blood means nothing. My whole family turned against me.

I know there are some good men out there, but I've never met any who treated me like family. They always looked out for themselves. So I don't view marriage/romantic relationships as family.

Instead I focus on the friends that have been there for me through it all. That's my family.

I was married to a man who always defended his mom against me and always put his mom first because his stupid excuse and reasoning was that his mom was there longer and raised him and yes he said this even after we had kids together. Despite the fact that me and not his mommy was the one who provided him with those kids and spent 9 months carrying them only to be in labor for days. Since he couldn't get off mommy's tits and realize his now wife was his family he is now my ex and I'm married to a much better guy who knows how to put me and our children first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Based on the other post. Do you believe blood family always means more and is more important than chosen family? Thoughts? I wanna hear from people on both sides of the coin.

In some cultures and countries yes, blood is more meaningful. Even their language and diction reflects that.

Similarly some “adopt” the wife and call her daughter but daughter means helper in their language and no rights for women so it’s not a compliment.

Lots of good books on this, though they are depressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:blood? Absolutely not and I often think "blood" is an excuse to tolerate abuse.

+1 cultivate good family relationships by being a good person not bullying and abuse and bloodline krap.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. My family of origin has tons of dysfunction and abuse. I distanced myself from it a long time ago. Now I maintain that distance in part to protect my chosen family (my DH and DD) because we have a wonderful relationship between the three of us and I feel I have successfully shed the dysfunction I was raised in. I want to keep it that way.

I work to earn my DD's respect and trust every day. When she is grown, I want her in my life because she wants to be there, not out of some obligation to her mother. I think if you don't nurture your relationships with your children, you aren't entitled to anything later. I certainly don't feel like I owe my parents much of anything beyond what I owe any other human being -- basic decency.