What can you say to a 14 year old that they might stop having sex?

[Anonymous]

Not my 14 year old.

There's the usual talk, but I'm wondering more if you've said something that just really made a difference. Or if you remember something someone said to you that really landed. Anything!

My belief is too young but mostly the kid doesn't seem as well since they started (with bf, after dating 4 months or so). But don't want to lecture or prescribe. Not my kid, but a kid I care about.

[Anonymous]

Maybe show them some visuals of nasty STDs?

[Anonymous]

I think this horse is out of the barn, unfortunately. But it's always helpful to discuss mutually respectful, healthy relationship behaviors. And red flags. The "off" behavior you see could be due to the emotional side of things, rather than the sexual.

[Anonymous]

Buy her some pampers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this horse is out of the barn, unfortunately. But it's always helpful to discuss mutually respectful, healthy relationship behaviors. And red flags. The "off" behavior you see could be due to the emotional side of things, rather than the sexual.

OP here, yes that's what I thought too. Thank you for your thoughts and advice. And I imagine the emotional/sexual are quite intertwined. But yeah there is some red flags with the guy, and as usual disguised by "nice" acts.

[Anonymous]

Give them the book the gift of fear.

[Anonymous]

How old is the boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Any way to have them help with an infant? Listening to a certain amount of crying, changing a poopy diaper, having to try to dance a crying baby to sleep? They can hear about it but it's different to actually do it and realize this would be your life 24/7. Don't get me wrong, babies are JOY but not to a 14 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not my 14 year old.

There's the usual talk, but I'm wondering more if you've said something that just really made a difference. Or if you remember something someone said to you that really landed. Anything!

My belief is too young but mostly the kid doesn't seem as well since they started (with bf, after dating 4 months or so). But don't want to lecture or prescribe. Not my kid, but a kid I care about.

Don’t lecture but maybe a conversation and listening ear. Kid that age is usually seeking something they’re missing(emotional attachment, validation, confidence, sense of belonging, feeling beautiful, feeling of choice, etc). Try to understand their what and feelings. Also remind that most relationships at 14 don’t last as long or have the intimacy of those later. Very few people stay with their high school bf/gf. Doesn’t mean the relationship isn’t worthwhile in helping us grow, but one doesn’t have to grow in every area with everyone.

[Anonymous]

Sex is very powerful. Sex can complicate relationships - it makes it harder to break up with someone when feelings change.
These are things that were said to me when I was that age, and I stayed a virgin until college.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s really important to stress to young people that having consented to sexual activity in the past does not make you obligated to engage in ongoing sexual activity. Just because you were okay with it last week doesn’t mean you have to be okay with it this week or next month. It’s okay - and normal - to draw boundaries with a sexual partner. You may be cool with one sex act, but not another. You don’t owe anybody anything. Also, if you aren’t mature enough or don’t feel confident enough with your partner to discuss sexual issues (including how you would each want to handle an unplanned pregnancy), you shouldn’t be having sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe show them some visuals of nasty STDs?

Yikes!!! Don't do this to someone elses kid because you will end up in jail.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing that anyone could have said to me at that age that would have stopped me from having sex.
It was an awesome high.

[Anonymous]

I'm assuming this is a girl? I'm not sure there's much you can do about it if she's doing this because there's something else going on that's pushing her to seek the comfort of this boy, or to seek what she thinks may be love from this boy. Does she have a complicated home life?

How old is the BF? That one should be scared off with the threat of statutory rape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s really important to stress to young people that having consented to sexual activity in the past does not make you obligated to engage in ongoing sexual activity. Just because you were okay with it last week doesn’t mean you have to be okay with it this week or next month. It’s okay - and normal - to draw boundaries with a sexual partner. You may be cool with one sex act, but not another. You don’t owe anybody anything. Also, if you aren’t mature enough or don’t feel confident enough with your partner to discuss sexual issues (including how you would each want to handle an unplanned pregnancy), you shouldn’t be having sex.

This is excellent advice. Just because you have done it once does not obligate you further. With that partner or the next.