Does anger mgmt courses work for aspergers adult?
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Anonymous
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The loud anger outbursts triggered by an accumulation of anything are scaring the children, and myself. I can’t stop them and I can’t tell when he’s about to blow.
Today was a nice day, out of the house, mix of things. Then at dinner basically I start to ask something after not even being around and he cuts me off, raises his voice, name calls, etc all in front of the children. I hadnt even asked my question. Then starts with his blame game and ends with rewriting the whole situation, in front of the children. One child ran off upset. The other heard his re-version twice of what just went down and asked to go the bathroom. I told him his temper is scaring everyone, which he blamed on me and a child earlier asking to do something. Do anger mgmt classes work for this profile of person? Parenting classes didn’t help. How do I get him to take the classes? I guess court ordered ones are only via a separation? |
Anonymous
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Ask him to see and get screened by a psychiatrist and then get a therapist who is experienced working with Aspergers adults. Meds can help with the anger and a therapist can help him understand how to recognize triggers and cope with the world.
His mind works in a different way and even though he may be very successful in some ways, he may struggle in others and that is a real burden. |
Anonymous
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No advice, just validation. My HFA DH inevitably blows up after the most pleasant of family days. What feels easygoing and fun or even normal to me is way too much for him. His two comfortable situations are: work during the day/work emails at night OR a weekend day just spent with no expectations at home. As soon as he has to be “on” in public in potentially spontaneous situations, especially ones that others consider fun, he starts to get antsy and weird. There’s usually a lull when we get home but inevitably a blowup around dinnertime. And then lots of blame and denial and tossing responsibility onto other people.
It’s a pattern, but one I always forget until I’m in the thick of it. |
Anonymous
| this is …. not a feature of autism. |
Anonymous
Why do you say that? My HFA kid behaves very similarly which is why I read this thread. From what I understand, getting overwhelmed by an accumulation of stressors that NT people would not naturally recognize and then melting down is not uncommon for some on the autism spectrum. |
Anonymous
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Ugh. Going through this now. Every time he's out of his routine, he becomes seriously hyper-controlling and yells. A few days ago, he made all of us cry. It's awful. And then when he feels fine again, he totally forgets how terrible he acted before. He refuses to seek therapy. If he went by himself, he wouldn't be able to recount events accurately anyway, since he rewrites history. He'd tell the therapist how his wife constantly provokes him deliberately and how she turns the children against him so they take her side. I mean, MAJOR delusion. |
Anonymous
| Well since he's been diagnosed with Asperger's maybe you can reach out to the psychiatrist who diagnosed him for ideas on what would be effective. |
Anonymous
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"Today was a nice day, out of the house, mix of things. Then at dinner . . ."
An Asperger's adult cannot spend all day in a family social setting. A time bomb waiting to blow. My mother would force family outings with my Asperger's father, it NEVER ended well. She refused to care he could not handle it. Then she got to gloat about what a martyr she was to put up with him - no thought to what I, as a kid, was subjected from either's behavior. Don't believe much can be done to make stressful social situations more palpable to HFA parent. The other parent needs counseling to understand how to cause less damage to their children. My "normal" mother's behaviour caused more stress and damage to our family. |
Anonymous
Wow. You really have your mother and her NT/AS marriage figured out huh? Can’t even take him to a kids game and lunch. Better all stay home, do nothing I wouldn’t wish that marriage on anyone. |
Anonymous
They cannot handle questions. At all. About anything. Even basic ones, and certainly not asking them what they thought about something (the play) or what happened over there (ie the big spill or mess). You’ll get your head bit off. I doubt anger management classes would work, though it’d be or for the course during any divorce for custody. Not that it would work, judge would just want the box checked. I think they run out of gas by like 2pm, even a 5th coffee or Diet Coke won’t help. Just send home home by 2pm and get more friends and support network. Vacations are the worst w this type. My HfA spouse hides behind the “I gotta do office work” safe zone easily over half the trip or more. Definitely every day. It used to be insulting, then he got his diagnoses and no one expects anything from him anymore. He is quite hyper once he has his 3 coffees from 6-7am… |
Anonymous
| Jesus why do you marry these creatures? |
Anonymous
Yeah, it was almost like I spent my whole life living it. If you wouldn't wish that marriage on anyone then it isn't a healthy relationship for kids to be raised. The NT adult must accept the limitations of their spouse. It sucks, but if not divorcing than it is better to try and have peace & happiness within the limitations than being "right" about what marriage/parenting should be. |
Anonymous
Having kids is the problem. I think NT/HFA marriage can work with lots of self-awareness and patience from NT spouse. Kids are too much though. Too many relationship angles for HFA to handle. |
Anonymous
Ignoring your dehumanizing language I assume it's desperation to b married, the behavior described in this thread can't be asked, especially if the dating relationship was more than a whirlwind romance to get down the aisle. AS someone with a lot of family members with Asperger's/HFA all across the spectrum you will never convince me that you were just blindsided. |
Anonymous
So what does divorce look like or weekends at HFA dad’s place? What happens when he blows a gasket on his 6 yo when she asks a question after a day of fun? |