Ignore or apologize?

[Anonymous]

A couple years ago at a garage sale MIL bought our DS a vintage play set from the 70s. It was already in rough shape and the plastic brittle, but he enjoyed it and in turn, played it into the ground. It was broken and made playing hard, so we tossed it. When she found out she was upset because they sell for $20-$50 on eBay and she thought we should have either tried selling it or selling it for parts. My husband agreed we should toss it, it wasn’t taken care of before we had it, played with I’m sure by other boys as much as my son. Not a collectors piece by any definition. Were we wrong for not offering the gift back to her first to sell, or for not selling it ourselves? Should we ignore this or apologize?

[Anonymous]

Ignore. If your husband wants to palaver with her about it, he’s welcome to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A couple years ago at a garage sale MIL bought our DS a vintage play set from the 70s. It was already in rough shape and the plastic brittle, but he enjoyed it and in turn, played it into the ground. It was broken and made playing hard, so we tossed it. When she found out she was upset because they sell for $20-$50 on eBay and she thought we should have either tried selling it or selling it for parts. My husband agreed we should toss it, it wasn’t taken care of before we had it, played with I’m sure by other boys as much as my son. Not a collectors piece by any definition. Were we wrong for not offering the gift back to her first to sell, or for not selling it ourselves? Should we ignore this or apologize?

Ignore. She's crazy. And I'd be wary of accepting other 'gifts' from this loon in the future, though that would be delicate and likely offend her even further.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A couple years ago at a garage sale MIL bought our DS a vintage play set from the 70s. It was already in rough shape and the plastic brittle, but he enjoyed it and in turn, played it into the ground. It was broken and made playing hard, so we tossed it. When she found out she was upset because they sell for $20-$50 on eBay and she thought we should have either tried selling it or selling it for parts. My husband agreed we should toss it, it wasn’t taken care of before we had it, played with I’m sure by other boys as much as my son. Not a collectors piece by any definition. Were we wrong for not offering the gift back to her first to sell, or for not selling it ourselves? Should we ignore this or apologize?

No, a gift is a gift and the giver of the gift doesn’t get to dictate the terms of use. I also suspect she just doesn’t remember how hard kids can be on these things. Whether you apologize is not a function of whether you were right or wrong (you were right), but how much you care about this silliness. Some people would say “I’m sorry you were disappointed, we didn’t realize you wanted it back and it was no longer in a good enough condition we thought anyone else might want it.” I don’t think you need to, but you know the relationship and person best.

[Anonymous]

Ignore.

[Anonymous]

Good grief. Of course you *can* ignore, but how hard is it to just say "you're right, we're sorry we didn't offer it back to you so that you could sell it on Ebay"? Who really cares if she's nuts about that? Who cares if you mean it or not?

It NOT a BFD. Just say you're sorry and will offer everything like that back in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good grief. Of course you *can* ignore, but how hard is it to just say "you're right, we're sorry we didn't offer it back to you so that you could sell it on Ebay"? Who really cares if she's nuts about that? Who cares if you mean it or not?

It NOT a BFD. Just say you're sorry and will offer everything like that back in the future.

…because she’s not “right,” and telling her she is will set OP and her husband up to deal with nonsense like this in the future.

“We didn’t realize. Now that we know you feel this way, we’ll check in with you before accepting any future gifts to make sure we’re on the same page.”

See how that’s a perfectly fine response, without saying “sorry” and encouraging her to continue this bizarre behavior?

[Anonymous]

I would set a boundary and not accept gifts again if DH would go along. I would make clear that you see a gift as something that is given and not expected to be returned. Make sure he is on board with saying you do not want anymore junk loans.

[Anonymous]

Your husband needs to tell her that a gift is a gift.

You don’t offer something back!

[Anonymous]

Is she like this with everything or did she see herself as the savior of this piece of plastic? If it's this thing this is kind of how the hoarders act on Hoarders. GO heavy with your deep concern for her mental health. Maybe she'll back off.

[Anonymous]

"Barbara, I had no idea you would want it back. Larlo played it into the ground, and I wouldn't have guessed that it would be worth any money all broken."

[Anonymous]

Ignore.

I have bought retired Lego sets on eBay for $400 and would never have dreamed of asking for them back, or asking the recipient to sell it. A gift is a gift. Once it leaves your hands, no one owes you any account of it.

A $20-$50 used plastic toy? Is your MIL very poor or very hoardy?

[Anonymous]

Ignore

[Anonymous]

You were not in the wrong, and I don’t agree with ignoring it, because it is important to know if she has an expectation going forward that gifts to you are expected to be returned after use. This is going to happen again if you ignore it. Either agree to her terms, if that’s what they are, or refuse to accept gifts from now on - but you don’t want to bury your head in the sand just to have this happen again with the next gift she gives your son.

[Anonymous]

If she doesn’t approach you directly about it, ignore.

Let your husband deal with her.

If she says something to you, tell her that it’s interesting that they are being sold broken.

If she persists, tell her ‘sorry’ and in the future you’ll send all broken toys her way instead of trashing them. And then send her all the garbage toys.